


Come What May

by WhiteSnowFox



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Drama, First time writer, M/M, Real Life Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-03-06 10:59:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 63,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3132017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteSnowFox/pseuds/WhiteSnowFox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After successfully taking down Stockwell, Brian fails to bring his dream business, Kinnetik, to life.  Instead, he has to come to terms with failure and rely on his partner.  Can his renewed relationship with Justin handle the change?  How will he handle hitting rock bottom?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try at any type of writing, so please, give me feedback. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I've been wanting to try this for a while and finally worked up the courage.

Brian was passively sitting at his desk in the corner of his loft, frowning intently down at a pile of papers as if they would they would disappear if he stared them down long enough.  Unfortunately, they’d yet to blink out of existence.  He leaned back in the soft leather chair and listened to the creak of the old joints.  He bobbed forward and back a few times simply to let the creak fill the silence of his loft.

He disliked nights Justin decided to spend at Daphne’s; they were few and far between – thankfully – yet the young man was still determined to claim that it was his home and he simply visited Brian, despite the fact that most of Justin’s things were here and he had to back a bag to go over to his best friend’s.  With Justin over there, it left him little to do but fret over his finances.

He leaned forward once more and let the light of the desk lamp pool over his face and it cast long shadows down his chin.  He took a long, deliberate drag of the cigarette in his hand and then raised his gaze to look at the dark loft around him.  The only light was from his desk, and the low light that spilled in from the windows from the city.  It was more than enough to illuminate the emptiness of his loft.

Besides the essentials in his kitchen and bathroom, all he had left was his desk and bed.  He even got rid of the kitchen table as it became frivolous – he and Justin could just eat on the breakfast bar.

This wasn’t how he imagined his life would be when he took down Stockwell.  Sure, he expected to have to cut back on some expenses, maybe cancel his HBO subscription and a few magazines, but he barely had any possessions to his name and the entirety of his savings was gone, sunk into his horribly unsuccessful company.

He let out a sad huff and shook his head at the thought of Kinnetik, which at this point was nothing more than a pipe dream.  All of his top clients, the ones he had slaved over, taken calls at all hours of the night to please, taken to dinner, and acquiesced to all of their demands refused to follow him.  They had all turned him down with a polite ‘That’s great, Brian.  But we’d prefer to stick with an existing company rather than take the chances of a new start-up.’  It was as if they all got handed a script to turn him down.

He took another long drag of the cigarette and let the smoke out in practiced rings that floated up into the air and dissipated into the gray light.  He watched them all float away before setting the bud down on the nearby ashtray and picking the papers back up in his hands.

If only his old clients had been the only setback Kinnetik faced.  However, no matter the money he sunk into his abysmal company, no one seemed interested in what he had to offer.  Businesses around Liberty Avenue were too small to be interested in a professional, and the large ones throughout Pennsylvania were all happy with their current agencies.  Every attempt was rewarded with the polite but emphatic – no.

Suddenly frustrated Brian grabbed the bank documents and tossed them into his desk, shoving them in and not caring how crumpled or ripped they became.  He’d been ok for a short time, once he swallowed his pride and accepted the charity check for ‘Concerned Citizens for Truth’.  It had lasted him a month.

Now he was here, no money in his account and hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. He didn’t regret what he did, but he was angry with himself for not being able to bounce back.  He had promised himself long ago that he would never live in poverty.  He spent the first eighteen years of his life buried under the weight of his parent’s debt, and he refused to live any aspect of his life like theirs.  He was ashamed of his parents and never wanted to be like them.

He suddenly stood and ran a hand through his thick, brown hair, looking down at the sleek glass desk with a scowl.  His life was spiraling downward and he didn’t know how to stop it.  Advertising was what he did – it was all he knew how to do, and he did it well.  Why didn’t people see that?!

If he couldn't make Kinnetik work he didn’t know what he’d do.  He had no backup plan.

Absently, he reached into a drawer and pulled out a manila file, inside which held all the documents for his new company.  Resting on the top was Justin’s sketch of his logo and he picked it up off the top to look at it longingly.  It had been his dream to have his own company, and he didn’t care if he had to sell everything else that he owned…he was going to make it happen.  Brian Kinney never backed down – even when he was in a corner.

Smirking, feeling triumphant that he’d thought himself out of his funk, Brian put the sketch away and slipped the file back in the drawer.  He walked into the kitchen and flipped on a light before tugging open the fridge and pulling out a water bottle.  There was a brief chill as the cool air raced from the confines of the refrigerator before he slammed it back shut.

He was turning to go up to his bedroom when he heard the sound of keys in the door and frowned deeply.  _‘Not tonight, Mikey.’_   He thought.  He had just worked himself out of a bad mood, the last thing he needed was to be put back in one by his friend’s constant drama.

He turned back and watched the door slide open and was surprised when he wasn’t greeted by dark hair, but a familiar stock of blond that he would recognize anywhere.  Justin was bent over, picking up sketches that must have dropped from his book as he unlocked the door.  Brian watched, amused, but did nothing to aid the younger man.  When Justin finally righted himself, Brian just took a drink from the bottle and watched him huff into the loft, bag and sketches held precariously in his arms.

“I thought you were at Daphne’s tonight.”  Brian informed, a bit more sharply than he had intended.

It immediately drew Justin’s attention to him and the blond set his things on the counter and the swiped his bangs out of his eyes.  “She had this study group over.  All boring breeders pouring over medical journals.”  Justin complained as he took off his jacket and threw it over the metal backing of the barstool before walking around the counter and getting his own bottle of water.

“I wasn’t planning on you being here.”  Brian commented evenly, not really knowing why he did.  He didn’t have any plans, and he preferred Justin being here to not, but he had just convinced himself he was going to have a good evening and didn’t need to hear about Justin’s endless drama any more than he needed Michael’s.

Justin was taking a long drink of water but his eyes remained glued to Brian, suspiciously.  “Why?  You having someone come over?”  He asked in that tone that Brian hated.

Brian rolled his eyes and turned back into his bedroom.

“I can go.”  Justin offered, now rummaging through the fridge for food – he was sure to come up empty handed as Brian hadn’t gone to the store for anything.  How could he, when he had no money?  “Or I can join in.”  The blond suddenly added with a playful smirk, but Brian didn’t see it as he was digging through his closet.

Justin kicked off his sneakers and frowned at the fridge before closing it and following Brian.  He grabbed his water and walked up the steps lightly, glancing at the options Brian was holding up and shaking his head at both of them.  “You’re going out?”  He asked and Brian just gave him this look that told him he shouldn’t be surprised.

Justin shrugged a bit and took a long drink.  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”  He asked apprehensively, already sensing that it would strike a chord.  Sure enough he could see the tensing of Brian’s shoulders instantaneously.  The man purposefully and deliberately put back the two black shirts and slowly turned to Justin.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”  He asked with a raised eyebrow and icy tone.

“Well…”  Justin hedged, suddenly realizing he’d over stepped his bounds.  However, it was too late for him to back out now.  “It’s been a long time since you’ve worked.  Money’s got to be tight, you now.  I mean…”  Instead of voicing it, Justin decided to use visual aids and motioned out of the glass panels in the loft, to the emptiness out there.

“What I do with my money and my time, is my business.  You’re not my wife, Justin.  You’re not my boyfriend.  You’re-.”

“The guy you fuck more than once, yeah, I know.”  Justin spoke, his voice surprisingly lacking the hurt that Brian expected it to.  “I’m just saying.”

“And _I’m_ just saying, that I’m going out.  So get changed, you look terrible.”  Brian crinkled his nose at the stains on Justin’s shirt.  Justin’s eyes flashed in a brief moment of anger, but instead of retaliating, the blond just calmly shook his head.

“I don’t want to.  I’ve been at the diner all day and I’m tired.  I had to walk all the way from Daphne’s because the bus never came.”  He explained and then pulled off the stained shirt and tossed it towards the hamper in the bathroom, missing spectacularly.

Brian looked at it on the floor and then gave Justin a deep frown.  “Well too fucking bad.  I want to go out, so get changed and let’s go.”

Justin opened his mouth to protest once more and Brian realized that the aggressive approach wasn’t working.  And, seeing as he really did want to dance with Justin tonight, he’d have to try another tactic.  He raised up a hand to cut off whatever it was Justin was going to say and purposefully loosened his stance and gaze.

He looked at Justin for a moment before stepping closer to him and placing his hands on the pale, bare shoulders of his lover.  “Look.  Things are stressful, ok.  I just want a night where we can go out and have some fun.”  He said, leaning down to press his forehead against Justin’s, knowing full well how much the blond enjoyed the intimate action.

He could feel Justin’s surrender as the blond let his shoulders slump a bit and let out a soft sigh.  Justin reached up and patted one of Brian’s hands before nodding.  “Ok. Fine. You’re right.  We could use a fun night out.”  He said and then smiled as Brian kissed the tip of his nose before immediately turning back to the closet.

Brian smirked a bit when Justin couldn’t see, the kid was like putty in his hands sometimes and it gave him an odd thrill to see how easy it was to get Justin to do what he wanted.  He watched Justin’s pale arm shoot out and grabbed a short sleeved black top that he held out to him.  “This one.”  Justin said softly.  “Wear it with those 501s, you know, with the scuffs on the bottom?  They make your ass look great.”  Justin teased but Brian took the shirt and stripped out of the one he was wearing, easily taking Justin’s suggestion.

_‘Maybe Justin isn’t the only one who is putty…’_   He thought to himself briefly before brushing the thought aside and getting changed.

Whenever they changed together they always had to account time for heavy petting, wet kisses, and a blow job or two.  This time was no different.  As soon as Justin had bent over to remove his jeans, Brian had reached out to grab a firm handful of his ass, and the rest, as they say, was history.

* * *

Getting to Babylon was easy enough, it was only ten so he was able to park his corvette – the one luxury he let himself keep – close to the club.  They only had to walk a block to get to the front door.  There was a line, of course, held off by a cheap, velvet rope and guarded by a large, bald bouncer.  However, one look at the two of them and the rope was pulled aside and they were waved in without a problem.  “Kinney, Taylor.”  The bouncer spoke in greeting.

“Peter.  How’re the kids?”  Justin asked, surprising Brian with his knowledge of the man’s life.  Brian didn’t even know his first name.  He didn’t have to – everyone knew him and that was all that mattered.  He paused to let Justin and the bouncer have a brief conversation, before getting sick of it and grabbing his wrist to tug him inside.  Justin just laughed a bit, but waved to Peter as he was tugged away.

“That was rude.”  Justin reprimanded after they paid the entrance fee and were weaving into the main part of the club.

“You know me.”  Brian smirked a bit and watched, pleased, as Justin simple smiled and rolled his eyes indulgently.  Brian then used his thumb and forefinger to grab a bit of Justin’s thin shirt and pulled him even deeper into the club, side-stepping the dance floor long enough to get them both drinks at the bar.  He handed over his money consciously aware that the few bills in his wallet were the last ones that he owned, but he didn’t care enough to hold onto them.  Currently, the Chivas Regal the bartender was sliding over to him was far more valuable than the money.

He and Justin shared a quick clink before downing the shots in one go.  He practically slammed the tumbler back down before turning and leaning back against the bar, surveying the dance floor.  He leaned one elbow back and turned slightly so his body was angled towards Justin, then he jutted out his chin and motioned to a tanned brunet dancing in time to the loud music.  “What do you think of him?”  He asked, curiously.

He watched Justin eye the man as an artist would, his bright blue eyes lingering on the man’s crotch and revealed chest.  “I’ve seen better.”  Justin decided with a shrug and nonchalantly turned away to look up at the catwalk.  “Hey look!  It’s Emmett and Michael!”  He said loudly over the music, and waved to the two.  Michael spotted them first and pointed them out to Emmett.

Justin moved from the bar to go join them, but Brian lingered back and stopped him but a firm hand on his shoulder.  “Are you sure you want to go up there?  Think about it.  All you’re going to hear is Emmett’s poor ‘woe-is-me’ shtick about Ted, and Michael’s ‘aren’t-I-a-role-model-for-fags-everywhere’ speech.  C’mon.  Let’s go get that guy and he can suck you off while I fuck his brains out.”  Brian offered instead.

For the second time that night Justin rolled his eyes at him, but this one was decidedly less affectionate, and then pulled away to walk up the catwalk.  Brian watched him go for a minute, shrugged off his departure and walked towards the dance floor and the stud he had eyed earlier.  “More for me…”  He murmured with a predatory smirk that instantly got the attention of the man.  The stud turned to him, made a few provocative shakes of his hips, and then welcomed Brian’s arms around his shoulders.

From up above Justin spared them a passing glance before focusing his attention on Michael and Emmett.  Greetings were exchanged all around before the three of them assumed the position by leaning against the railing and looking down at the dancing bodies below.  “How’s the store?”  Justin asked, turning to Michael with a smile.

“It’s doing great!”  Michael answered enthusiastically.  “Sales are way up since we released that new issue.  I didn’t account for people buying other comics when they came in for Rage, it’s been a great help.”  Michael informed and Justin gave him a warm smile.

“I’m glad.”  Was his simple answer, but it was genuine.

Although he and Michael may have started off on a rough foot, over the past few years he felt they’ve really come to understand each other.  Justin was certain the biggest help was Michael meeting Ben, and finally moving on from Brian, but he’d accept it either way.  He was just glad he and Michael were friends now, because Michael truly was a person he could rely on.  It may have taken some time, but he knew he could count on him.

“What about you?  How’s school?”  Michael asked, and Emmett gave a curious nod as well.

“Yeah, have they let you back in yet?”  He asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“No, I’m still suspended.  Well, I mean…”  Justin paused for a moment and then shifted awkwardly.  “I’m sure I could go back and ask to take classes again.  It’s been a quarter already, but…”  He glanced down to Brian, still dancing with his trick and thought about his finances.  He knew Brian couldn’t afford to send him to school right now, possible never again.  “But I don’t think I want to go back.  You know?  They’re such assholes there.”  He scowled to emphasize his point.

“What kind of art school stifles artists for doing art?”  Michael asked, somewhat ineloquently, but Justin just smiled and nodded in agreement, glad that they accepted what he said at face value.  The last thing he wanted was for everyone to know about his and Brian’s state of affairs.

“Exactly.  I was just expressing myself, and if they can’t see that, or accept that, then I want nothing to do with them.”  Justin stated definitely and turned back to the dance floor once more.  Surreptitiously he looked across Michael’s profile and let his gaze settle on Emmett.

Brian had a point earlier about Emmett being down lately.  Though Ted had made it through rehab, it had done nothing to lessen all the pain and humiliation Emmett had gone through.  And while Brian hated listening to people bemoan their misfortunes, Justin didn’t mind lending an ear to a hurt friend.

“How’re you, Emmett?”  He asked, his voice soft and tender, so neither of them could mistake why he was asking.

“Oh, you know me.”  Emmett spoke with a falsely cheery tone.  “Can’t let nothing keep me down.  Not even, my best friend, making a – a _whole_ new life for himself.”  Emmett punctuated his words by stabbing the olive in his martini with the plastic spear.  He then shot the two of them a tight smile and Justin, wisely, left it at that.

When he looked back down to the dance floor Brian was gone, surely haven taken his trick into the backroom.  He pondered that for a moment, surprised that he didn’t feel anything.  He used to feel a pang in his heart every time he even saw Brian making eyes at someone else, but ever since his failed romance with Ethan, none of Brian’s tricks phased him.  _‘But what does that mean?’_   He wondered briefly, a slight frown beginning to mar his features.

_‘Do I finally realize that his feelings for me have nothing to do with them, or do I just…not care?’_   He pondered for a moment, unsure of the answer.  That, more than anything else, had him worried.  He let his gaze settle on the door leading to the backroom and let himself imagine what Brian was doing to his trick.

He still felt nothing.

* * *

It didn’t take long to convince James, or maybe it was Jason, to follow him into the backroom.  All it took was one song of Brian rubbing his large, hard cock against Jimmy’s before the man begged Brian to take him back and fuck him.  Brian weaved through the throng, which was easy for him as men parted for him like the Red Sea.

The backroom was significantly darker than the dance floor, with all of its strobe lights and lasers, and it always took a moment for his eyes to adjust.  However, having been visiting said room for over a decade, he didn’t need to see to know where he was going.  He strode confidently to one of his favorite spots, up against the wall near the middle (which let him watch many of the other men in there as well), and leaned back with practiced ease.

Jeremy immediately knelt down in front of him and had undone his jeans in a matter of seconds.  Soon, his engorged cock was freed from its confines and Brian could feel the moist, hot breath of the trick just before it was enveloped in the wet mouth.  He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall, letting calmness fill him.  His hips were pressed forward a bit to give Jeff a better angle, and soon he was fully sheathed within the talented mouth.

Now, Brian would never say this aloud (because he wasn’t an idiot), but there were several men out there who were just as good at giving blow jobs as Justin.  John was definitely one of them.  He needed no guiding on how to pull the most pleasure from Brian, and soon his hands were buried deep in the trick’s thick, dark hair as he pressed his head closer and closer, wanting more.

Joseph took the full length of his cock without gagging, and Brian discovered the man had a tongue ring which added for extra pleasure along the length of his shaft.  Jacob pulled back and licked the tip of Brian’s cock, sending a shiver down his spine and a bit of pre-cum to spill out, which his trick was quick to suck up as he swallowed Brian’s head. 

In a few minutes, Brian shot down Joshua’s throat and watched the trick swallow and then smirk up at him as his dick started getting hard again almost immediately.  Brian’s grin was feral as he pulled the man up and spun him so his stomach was pressed up against the wall.  In a few jerks, the trick’s jeans were pulled down just enough for Brian to get his cock inside his ass, so he quickly rolled on a condom and pressed inside.

He let out a low groan of pleasure as the tightness of Julian’s ass reminded him of virgin territory.  He gripped the man’s hips and thrust back and forth, letting his head fall back loosely as his mind went blank with pleasure.  _‘This is exactly what I needed.’_   Was all he allowed himself to think as he single-mindedly fucked the trick.

He had come first, but never one to let his partner go unsatisfied, he kept thrusting and reached around to jerk Joel off.  The trick came soon afterwards and his hand was covered in cum, but not for long as Jared pulled it up to his mouth and licked off his own cum.  It was enough to make Brian hard again, but he just pulled himself back into his pants and smiled.  “Thanks.”  He murmured and turned to leave.

“Wait.  Here’s my number.  I’d love to do _that_ again.”  Jared offered, holding out a card, but Brian waved it away.

“Sorry.  No do overs.”  He murmured and then turned and left the backroom, once more heading for the bar.  He got another drink and glanced up at the catwalk, surprised to see Justin still standing up there chatting.  He wanted to dance with him, but was more than happy enough to find another trick to bide his time until Justin came back down.  Finishing yet another drink, he scanned the dance floor for his next target.

Before moving in for the kill, however, he leaned over to the stranger next to him.  “Hey, you got any E?”  He asked and was swiftly handed a tablet, which he popped into his mouth without hesitation.  He closed his eyes as he felt it dissolve on his tongue and then snapped them back open and moved through the dance floor once more.

* * *

It was nearing midnight when Justin saw Brian again, exiting the backroom with a dazed, yet pleased, look on his face.  Justin was dancing with a trick of his own when Brian made a beeline for him and wrapped a heavy arm around his shoulder to pull him back.  “Hey.”  Brian murmured as he leaned down and bit the shell of his ear.

“You’re high.”  Justin noticed instantly as he looked up into Brian’s clouded eyes.  “And drunk.”  He added, as he smelt Brian’s alcohol laden breath.  He glanced back to the trick, who had hovered nearby, and shot him an apologetic smile.  “Maybe next time.”  He said before turning his back on him and giving Brian his attention.

“Dance, Sunshine.” Brian ordered, and Justin realized that he wasn’t moving on the dance floor, but that was because most of his strength was going to keeping Brian upright.  “We haven’t danced all night.”

“Ok, but you have to be able to stand on your own.”  Justin bartered and Brian scoffed as if it were the easiest thing in the world, and yet, when Justin lifted Brian’s arm from his shoulders, the older man stumbled a bit.  “Yeah, that’s what I thought….”  Justin murmured and sighed, wishing they could have stayed a bit longer.  “How much did you have?”  He asked, not really worried about Brian’s consumption, more how much he spent on all of it.

“Oh I lost count about six drinks in.”  Brian informed and then seemed to right himself.  He then grabbed Justin’s hips and made him start to sway, though they weren’t anywhere near in sync with the hard thumps of music.

“Brian…”  Justin started to reprimand, but knew it would do no could.  Besides, it wasn’t really his place to begin with.  He and Brian didn’t even live together, and it was Brian’s money – what was left of it.  He just knew that there wasn’t much left.  He wished Brian would fill him in more on the situation, whenever he asked he was always told that everything was fine.  However, it wasn’t hard to miss the lack of furniture in Brian’s loft.

“Come on.  Why don’t we go back to your place and go to sleep?”  He suggested as he watched Brian struggle to keep his eyes open.

“Not tir’d.”  Brian protested, and held his ground even as Justin tried to drag him away.  “Want to dance.  Forget it.”  Brian insisted and confused Justin.

“Forget what?”  He asked, and then shook his head.  _‘He’s drunk.  Don’t pay attention to anything.’_   He reminded himself.

“Dance.”  Brian repeated, once more moving Justin’s hips.  Justin sighed and wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck, quickly losing himself in the music.  Soon, Brian’s lips were on his and Brian’s tongue was thrust into his mouth, exploring every crevice and plane.  Justin’s heart began racing from the thrill of Brian’s interest and soon they were making out like teenagers.

Brian’s hands ran down his back until they firmly held his backside and squeezed tightly.  “Want you…”  Brian whispered in his ear, and Justin briefly wondered how it was possible for Brian’s whispers to be heard over the music.

“Let’s go home and fuck.”  Justin offered and this time Brian nodded excitedly.

Justin reached into his pocket and found his keys, then led them out of the club and to the nearby corvette.  He had to help Brian walk as the man was far too plastered to do it on his own.  He had one arm over his shoulder and was supporting most of his weight on his back, but managed to get them there quickly, and in one piece.  He opened up the passenger side door and unceremoniously dropped Brian into the seat.

Once he was certain the man was buckled and not going anywhere, he moved around to the other side and quickly drove them back to the loft.  Taking the stairs was absolutely out of the question, so they had to wait for the elevator to slowly rumble down.  Once they were ensconced inside, Brian began yet another attack on Justin’s body.

His hands seemed to be everywhere all at once, riding up his shirt, feeling down his pants, tugging at his hair.  All the while Brian’s mouth sucked at his neck and ears greedily.  They stumbled their way into the loft and Justin got Brian to the bed, where he laid down, and then quickly passed out.

Hard, but understanding, Justin just gave him a sympathetic frown and locked up the loft for the night.  He stripped Brian out of his clothes and didn’t even come close to waking the man up.  Afterwards, he took a quick shower and then slipped into the sheets, still damp.  He turned on his side, facing Brian and watched him for a moment as his mind wandered.

No, he didn’t feel anything when Brian was off with other men.  But he did feel something when Brian’s hands were all over him as if he was the only person in the world.  He wanted Brian; that he knew.  But had the love that burned in him as a teenager fizzled out?  He didn’t feel that hopeless devotion, that mindless adoration that he had when he first met Brian.  So what did that leave him with?  Lust?

He frowned and rolled onto his back, looking up at the ceiling.  He was so confused.  He didn’t want to leave again.  In fact, just the thought made his heart hurt.  But he didn’t understand the kind of limbo he was in.  He thought that once Brian took him back everything would go back to the way it was before – but nothing is the same.

Not only does Brian treat him differently, but he _feels_ differently.  _‘If only I knew what it was I was feeling.’_   He thought forlornly.  He took in a deep, calming breath and turned to look over at the older man again.  The desire, the pull, was still there – maybe it was even stronger than before - but his heart was all jumbled.

He tentatively reached out with his left hand and let it run along the soft skin of Brian’s side.  He felt the taut muscles, the bumps of his ribs, and smiled.

* * *

The next morning Justin woke around six, just as the sun was coming up.  He rubbed his eyes and rolled over, trying to get back to sleep, but the stream of light cutting through the panels was landing directly on him and no matter which way he twisted or turned it didn’t seem to help.  He huffed in frustration and exhaustion, then sat up and flipped the blankets off of him.

He heard Brian groan from his side and felt momentarily guilty and hoped he hadn’t woken the man.  He glanced over, watched the brunet roll onto his side, and then relaxed when he realized Brian was still sound asleep.  He stood up from the bed and stretched, clad only in a pair of underwear.  He strode to the bathroom and quickly relieved himself before putting on a pot of coffee.  He knew he’d need it as he wasn’t able to fall back asleep once he was up for the day.

While it was dripping into the pitcher, Justin went back up to the bedroom and began tidying up a bit.  When he’d stripped Brian the night before he was too tired and frustrated to care much about what happened to the clothes.  So, he scooped them up from the floor and nonchalantly put them in the hamper.  He found his discarded and stained shirt from his shift the night before and tossed it in as well.

Before putting in Brian’s jeans, however, he reached into one of the pockets and pulled out his wallet so they didn’t accidentally wash it.  He then searched the other pockets for condoms, not wanting any to go to waste, but didn’t find any.  “Much have used them all…”  He mumbled, tiredly; still, he felt nothing.

He finally put the jeans down and then set the wallet on the nightstand.  He was going to step away and get his coffee, but a thought suddenly popped into his head and made him curious.  He turned back to it and then at Brian.  His bright blue eyes flickered between the two for a moment and then he stepped back to the nightstand and opened the wallet back up, looking inside.  There were no bills, which was unusual enough for Brian as the man _always_ had spare cash on him in case of emergencies.  However, what was more striking was the lack of cards.  All of Brian’s credit cards and bank cards were gone, leaving many of the folds of the wallet blank.  In fact, all that was in it was one stray condom, Brian’s ID, and a crinkled old business card bearing his name.

Justin sighed sympathetically and shook his head, letting his gaze fall upon his passed out lover.  He knelt by the side of the bed and gently traced his fingers down the edge of Brian’s well defined chin, lightly, as not to wake him.  He then bent forward and kissed him softly before standing once more and walking confidently to the kitchen island.  He grabbed the things he had discarded the night before and reached into his shoulder bag.  He pulled out a large wad of cash, his entire earnings from his previous night at the diner.  Without hesitation, he put the entirety of it in Brian’s wallet, and then replaced it on the nightstand.

He knew it was risky, Brian would consider it charity and he’d probably get snapped at and have the money thrown back in his face, but…he couldn’t _not_ do it.

The coffee maker beeped and drew him into the kitchen once more.  He poured himself a cup and made it up just the way he liked, then, he pulled out his sketch book and began doodling.  Normally he would watch some cartoons or something on the TV, but that had been one of the first things to go when Brian began selling his possessions.  Granted, the extra practice had been great for his technique.

Several hours later Brian woke with a groan and a hand on his pounding forehead.  “Shit…”  He murmured and blearily opened his eyes – then quickly shut them as the bright light made sharp pains shoot through his head.  “Fuck!”  He called, drawing Justin’s attention from the kitchen.

“Hey.”  Justin greeted, bringing in a fresh cup of coffee, made with plenty of sugar.  “Here.”  He offered and the mug was snatched out of his hand, almost aggressively enough to jar the liquid from it, but after a few splashes it remained safely inside.  Justin watched silently as Brian downed the entire thing.  Justin smiled at him weakly as Brian finally managed to open his eyes.  The brunet just scowled and held the mug back out. 

“More.”  He demanded as he slowly began shifting out of the bed.

Justin hesitated, as he would have liked a bit more appreciation, but turned and still did as Brian demanded.  He listened to the man clank and stomp through the bedroom, clearly attempting to get dressed through his hangover.  Justin hid a smile, feeling that Brian deserved it a bit, but still made his coffee and walked back in dutifully.

This time he offered it silently and Brian had a bit more care when he took it.  Justin was about to turn to leave once more, but he saw Brian eying his wallet.  He tensed, and his breath came out purposefully slowly as he prepared for Brian’s attack.  The brunet, for his part, only gave Justin a strange look as he reached out and grabbed it.  “Hey, what’s wrong?”  Brian asked, surprising Justin.

The blond was shocked by the question and let his mouth open and shut a few times.  Brian just popped open the wallet and smiled a bit.  “Look, I know things are kind of…weird, with me not working but everything is fine.  I keep telling you that.  See?  Still have plenty.”  Brian reported, opening the wallet and revealing the multiple bills inside.

Justin was even more surprised – Brian didn’t realize he had put that in there?  How drunk had he been last night that he didn’t even remember spending all of his money?  Justin thought about telling him for a moment, but then realized this was what he wanted, and just forced a bright smile.  “Great!”  He said, and then bit his bottom lip as Brian folded up the wallet and slipped it into his pocket.

“There any food?  I’m starved.”  Brian informed, brushing past Justin with a light touch to his shoulders and a playful smile.  Justin shivered a bit and then followed.

“No.  We should go get some at the store.”  He suggested, but Brian just shook his head.

“Naw.  Let’s just go to the diner.”

Justin closed his eyes and told himself to be calm.  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”  He asked, watching Brian take a few sips of the coffee he’d made.

“Yeah, my treat.”  Brian smirked, patting his pocket.

_‘Not exactly.’_   Justin thought, but followed him nonetheless.

* * *

Justin would have to work soon after they were finished with breakfast, so he grabbed his things before they left.  Sitting at the booth was awkward and tense for the both of them.  Brian continually tried to assure him that one meal wasn’t going to break him, but Justin was convinced he was mostly trying to convince himself.

Justin only ordered a bowl of oatmeal, even though he was hungry.  He knew he could get free food while he worked so he didn’t worry about it; he wanted to save Brian money.  He received a heavy frown for his effort, but knew better than to accept gratitude from his lover.  “What’re you going to do today?”  He asked casually as he added brown sugar and a bit of syrup to the oatmeal.

“What do you think I’m going to do?  Sit on my ass?”  Brian asked bitterly as he shot a glare across the table.

Justin sighed and shook his head.  “I was just asking.”  He murmured softly.  “Excuse me for trying to make conversation.”

Brian was silent for a while, until they both finished eating.  “You need me to pick you up after your shift?”  He suddenly asked just as Justin spooned the last bit of oatmeal into his mouth.

After he swallowed he nodded a bit.  “Yeah.  That’d be good.”

“K. Call me when you’re done.”  Brian said, suddenly wiping his mouth and reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet.  He threw enough on the table to cover the check and give a small tip, but it was nothing compared to what he used to tip.  He then stood and turned to leave, but then Justin watched as something made him stop and turn back around.

Brian swiftly and thoroughly kissed him, sticking his tongue deep into Justin’s mouth and exploring it to his whim.  Brian’s hands were in his hair and holding him tightly.  When Brian pulled away they were both breathless and Justin’s eyes were slightly dazed.  “Later…”  He murmured, before striding out of the diner as if he owned the place.

Justin watched him go and softly reached up to touch his slightly swollen lips.

He’d definitely felt something.

* * *

_‘Silly little twat.  Thinks I didn’t notice he put money in my wallet.’_   Brian thought to himself as he walked out of the diner and back to the ‘vette.  He shook his head, amused.  When he first saw the money his initial reaction was to be furious and throw it all back in Justin’s face.  But then he saw the look in his young lover’s eyes.

He hated accepting it, but there was little he could offer Justin at this point save his compliance.  And he had to continue to offer him _something_ because…well…because.

He drove back to the loft and took a quick shower before changing into a suit and preparing to try and beg for some clients.  He promised himself he’d use Justin’s donation to buy them some groceries, because the blond was right – they couldn’t continue to eat out.

He was about to leave when he glanced around the empty loft and sighed.  He suddenly decided to quickly make the bed – he didn’t have a cleaning lady to do it for him anymore and he better get used to it.  Then, he left to try and make his company a success.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a week later and Brian had yet to improve his outlook any.  Part of him wondered why he continued to try, but a much larger part of him refused to give up or back down to any situation – especially his own failure.  On top of that, he had begun sensing strange vibes from Justin, there were times when the blond was looking at him like he was contemplating something, but whatever question was on Justin’s mind he never spoke it aloud – at least not to him.

It worried him whenever Justin started _thinking_.

But he had far more important things going on that required his attention, he couldn’t wonder about Justin.  For example, he had just received the latest of his credit card bills.  They were in a pile on his counter and sitting there mockingly – laughing at him.  And then, next to his pile of bills, was one sheet – his bank statement – just enough to cover the minimum payment.

“Shit…”  He murmured as he leaned his elbows on the shoulder and closed his eyes.  He gripped his hair and had a brief moment of panic before he calmed himself back down.  “Ok, Kinney.”  He said aloud to the empty loft.  “Just…say goodbye to the last cent you own.”  He murmured, looking down at the statement.

He picked up the paper and looked forlorn.  Oddly enough his mind suddenly went back several weeks when he and Justin had joked about how to pay off the mounting debt he faced.  _‘How many blowjobs can you give an hour?’_   He smirked a bit, then wondered if maybe they _both_ gave blowjobs it might help.

Like a man walking to his death, Brian turned away from the counter and walked to his computer.  He accessed his bank account and quickly made the transfers to satisfy the credit card companies for another month; after this, he had no idea what he’d do.  He’d lost his money, his possessions, his pride – he supposed all that was left was the roof over his head.

_‘And Justin.’_   He thought to himself briefly, surprising himself.  There was a distance between them ever since Justin had crawled back to him after his failed relationship with Ethan.  Brian had imposed it, not willing to let Justin believe everything was fine.  However, even though he was the one who insisted on this boundary, he still cared just as much for Justin as he did before – if not more so.  The distance was just a punishment for losing his silly little head in flowers and violin music.  He knew it would never last between the two little artists the moment Justin walked away at Babylon, but that didn’t stop it from hurting, which meant Justin had to pay his dues.

_‘Maybe that’s what he keeps thinking about.’_   Brian wondered as he leaned back in his chair at his desk.  He lit up a cigarette and blew it out slowly. Realizing he was making himself melancholy, Brian suddenly stood and tried to shake all those old feelings away.  _‘He’s back where he belongs, that’s all that matters.’_   He told himself firmly.

And then, as if he were the devil himself, Justin suddenly pulled the door open and strode into the loft.  He entered in flurry, his face in a scowl and his hair whipping back and forth as he continually shook his head, muttering to himself.  Brian raised his eyebrows in shock, as it was a rare thing to see Justin so incensed, but before he could ask what was the matter, the blond started to rant.

“You won’t believe the shit I had to deal with at the diner today.”  Justin informed, furiously slamming his shoulder bag onto the counter.  The force of which sent Brian’s bills and bank statement flying onto the floor.

As Justin continued to explain what went wrong Brian tuned him out and focused on the documents; he couldn’t let Justin see those.  As far as Justin knew, everything was still fine.  He continually lied to the younger man because he didn’t want him to worry, nor did he want his sympathy.  One charitable donation from Justin was bad enough, he didn’t need the blond spending all his hard earned tips on _his_ bills.

He nonchalantly walked over to the pile as if he were merely straightening up after Justin – which was a common enough occurrence – and made it seem as though he were listening to every word Justin had said.

“-Not always right!  Who does he think he is?!  The Pope?!  God, Brian!  He was such a moron!”  Justin ran his hands through his hair as he began pacing through the open areas of the loft.  “Telling me how to do my job, as if I had just started!  Well I showed him.  Guess what I did.  Spit in his food!  I hope he choked on it!”  Justin shouted triumphantly.  “Oh and get this!  When I was refilling his mug he grabbed my ass!  After everything he said to me, he still hit on me!  Can you believe that?!”

Brian shot an appreciative glance at Justin’s ass as he turned to continue pacing.  Yes.  He could.

He finished picking up the papers and slid them into the trashcan, hoping Justin wouldn’t brave the discarded food in order to satisfy any curiosity he might have.  He then leaned forward on the counter and continued listening as an attentive partner.

When Justin finally finished he turned to look back at him and Brian really only had one question.  “Was he hot?”

Justin’s mouth dropped a bit and then he smiled a little and shook his head in amusement.  “Kind of.  I mean, I probably would have fucked him if he hadn’t called me incompetent.”

_‘Maybe if you spit in fewer people’s food they wouldn’t call you that.’_   Brian thought, but wisely kept his mouth shut.

Justin then looked a little embarrassed and put his hands up to his enflamed cheeks.  “Sorry about the papers.  Were they important?”  He asked as he tried to cool himself off from his anger.

Brian just shook his head and walked out from behind the island.  “Nah.”  He murmured and then started peeling off Justin’s clothes; what better way to distract him than by getting naked?

Justin’s eyes flashed with arousal and he quickly began reciprocating, tugging at Brian’s jeans and then running his hands up Brian’s chest, beneath his shirt.  Brian lifted his arms so Justin could take it off and then the blond bent a bit to place wet kisses on Brian’s defined chest.  He knelt and began kissing his stomach, flicking his tongue out at Brian’s navel.

Brian reached down and let his fingers slide through Justin’s blond hair, reveling in the softness of the strands that had become so familiar to him.  His touch wasn’t aggressive, he didn’t dig his hands in and tug – though it wouldn’t have been the first time he’d done so.  Instead, it was a caress.  Justin went even lower and soon engulfed his stiff member between his lips.

Justin sucked him off right there, in the middle of their former living room which was now just an empty space.  It made Brian’s day a little less gloomy and even managed to distract _himself_ from the trashed pile of bills.

* * *

Later, after Brian had well and thoroughly pounded Justin’s ass so much the younger man complained that he wouldn’t be able to walk anymore (which only made Brian feel better), they lay on his bed smoking and staring up at the ceiling.

“You know,” Justin said, his voice in that hesitant tone Brian had come to associate with Justin saying something he knew he shouldn’t say.  But damn if the kid didn’t say it anyway.  “There is a perk to the whole…unemployment thing.”  He finished and Brian sighed.  He’d done so well to forget about all of that while he was balls deep in Justin’s ass.

“Oh?”  He asked, grabbing the cigarette and inhaling deeply.  He held it for a moment, letting the smoke and nicotine fill his system, before letting it out in a huff.  “What’s that?”

He asked as he passed it back over.  Justin took a similarly deep draw, but his ended in a few coughs and Brian had the cigarette swiftly shoved back at him.  A few ashes fell on his sheets, but at this point he didn’t care.  When Justin got his coughing under control he continued as if nothing had happened.

“You can fuck me in the middle of the day now.”  Justin said, turning and smiling in that way that always made Brian’s heart clench at the beauty of it.

“As if that stopped us before.  I seem to recall many a lunch break spent with you bent over the copier.”  Instead of nostalgia at past fucks, all Brian felt was regret at having lost his old job.  At the time it had seemed like the right decision, but now, with nothing but a hot blond lying next to him, he doubted the wisdom of his choice.  It would have been better to be a laky with a fat paycheck and non-competition clause than a CEO of nothing.

“Yeah, but now you don’t have to keep me quiet.”  Justin said, reaching out for the cigarette again.

Brian snorted as he handed it over.  “You, quiet?  ‘Oh faster, Mr. Kinney.  Harder.’”

“’Faster’?  ‘Harder’?  I’m more creative than that.”  Justin insisted, but only received a smirk from Brian.

_‘That you are, but not when you’re talking dirty.’_   Brian thought, but again, kept quiet.  He didn’t fuck Justin to listen to him spout off dirty words – the whimpers and moans more than made up for it anyway.

“I’m starving.”  Justin suddenly said, in a complete non sequitur.  Justin suddenly stood and walked stark naked to the kitchen where he began to forage for food.

“What happened to being too fucked to walk?”  Brian asked as he finished the cigarette and then snuffed the butt on his ashtray.

“I just needed time to coalesce.”  Justin said, his head in the fridge.  He was slightly bent over, giving Brian a rather delightful view.  “Besides, the post sex high always makes everything seem fuzzy.  But now I’m feeling ebullient.”

Brian paused and then rolled his eyes.  It was so like Justin to be talking like a normal person and then throw out some random word just to prove he scored a 1500 on his SATs.  “Yeah well why don’t you _ebulliently_ make us something to eat.  I’m going to take a shower.”  Brian turned and walked into the bathroom.

“Don’t use all the hot water.  I picked up someone’s shift tonight and need to shower before I go back in.”  Justin called from the kitchen.  It made Brian stop and walk out enough to look at him from the top of the bedroom steps.

“You don’t have to work double shifts, Justin.”  Brian said firmly.

“It’s fine.”  Justin insisted, beginning to cut up some lettuce for a salad.  “I mean, it’s not like the money is going to hurt, is it?”  He asked, once again in that tone that said he knew he shouldn’t be saying it – but he had every right to.

Brian’s eyes trailed to the kitchen island, where his bank statement rested in a pile of trash.  He knew Justin was nervous about talking over Brian’s financial situation, especially because Brian hated talking about it himself, but in this instance he wanted to make something very clear to his young partner.  “Everything is fine.  Ok?  How many times have I told you that I still have enough to cover everything?  It’s not your responsibility.  You don’t even live here.”  He added the last bit hoping it would hurt Justin just a bit, and thus make him not want to help at all.

Justin didn’t answer.  Instead, he gave Brian that same look he’d been giving him all week.  Brian didn’t know what it meant, he didn’t know what Justin was thinking, but he did know that he _hated_ that look.  Justin wore it while he fucked Ethan behind his back and he didn’t like that he wore it now that he had nothing to offer.  _‘If he wants to leave, then he should just fucking leave.’_   Brian thought to himself, got sick of their staring contest, and stomped into the bathroom.

He sighed once he was under the hot, steaming water and tried to relax.

Justin turned back to the food when Brian left.  He slowly finished chopping up the lettuce and put the heart of it in the trash.  He saw the pile of papers he had knocked over earlier and paused when he saw the header as one from Brian’s bank.  He glanced to the bathroom, wondering if Brian might suddenly leap out and find him snooping, but when all he heard was the running water he reached in and pulled it out.

“Six hundred…He only has six hundred dollars left?”  He asked himself in a whisper and then looked in and saw the pile of bills.  He slowly pulled them out; five different credit card bills.  _‘I maxed out five gold credit cards.’_   Justin recalled Brian saying when he had first learned about who ‘Concerned Citizens for the Truth’ really were.

Looking at the minimum amount due he realized that Brian would have nothing left.  So much for everything being fine.

* * *

“I can see you worrying.  Stop it.”  Brian insisted as he dropped Justin off at the diner for his second shift that day.

“I just-.”

“It’s none of your business.  Leave it alone.”  Brian insisted, this time in a much more stern voice – one that he always knew frightened Justin and so he used it only when he really had to.  His blue eyed lover flashed him a sad look, but whether it was for the reprimand or the situation Brian didn’t know, and didn’t want to find out.

Justin simply leaned over in the small corvette and placed a chaste kiss on the side of Brian’s mouth.  “Later.”  He murmured, and Brian nodded once.

“Later.”  He returned and then watched Justin slip out of the ‘vette and weave his way inside.  He pulled out of his spot immediately.

He didn’t tell Justin, but as he was showering he came to a decision.  He really _would_ be much better off as Gardner’s laky with a fat paycheck then losing what little he had left.  He was going to have to sell his loft if he didn’t think of something else soon.  So, with a heavy heart, he drove to VanGard and prepared to swallow what was left of his pride and beg for his job back.

When he arrived he was treated like a stranger, though he did catch a glance from Cynthia and she shot him a curious look, clearly asking what he was doing there.  However, he didn’t have the courage to tell her and just motioned that she should carry on her way.  He was led to Gardner’s office, where the man was sitting back in his chair and enjoying a glass of brandy, looking smug and satisfied.  “Brian!”  Gardner greeted him with false sincerity.

“Gardner.”  Brian bit out, but reminded himself that if he had any hope, he’d need to suck up to this man.

“How’s the business?”  Gardner asked, his smile getting broader and more condescending.

“Cut the bullshit.  You know how it is.”  Brian answered, standing and crossing his arms over his chest.  Gardner finished his drink and then stood as well, ostensibly to refill it, but Brian knew it was to put them on even footing – so to speak.  He offered a tumbler to Brian, but the brunet turned it down.

“So, let me get this straight.  You leave, mocking me as you go, practically vowing that you’re going to steal all of your old clients and put me out of business.  And now you’ve come to ask for your job back?”  Gardner asked, his accent making his words sound menacing, even if they were only meant to mock.  Brian stiffened and clenched his hands that were hidden beneath his arms.

“You did some shit.  I did some shit.  But you know I’m the best ad-exec out there.  You need me.”  Brian said confidently, letting his arms fall to his side as he unclenched his hands.

Gardner eyed him a bit and then shrugged as if conceding a point.  “That may be true, but I can’t trust you.”

“This is advertising, Gardner.  You can’t trust anybody.  Or do you not remember that dirty police chief you almost made mayor?”  Brian asked and then took a few steps closer to the desk.  “You don’t need trust.  You need skill.  And I’m the best.  I can go out and get you more big name clients.”  Brian promised, hating that he had to resort to this.  Then he thought of the empty bank account he had and the look Justin gave him.  He didn’t have a choice.

“Brian, you’re good.  I can’t deny that.  And I kind of respect you.  But I can’t let you come back.  You made your bed.  Now lie in it.”  Gardner said stiffly.

Brian scowled a little, but then spun on his heel and left the office as swiftly as possible.  He didn’t want to be there any longer than was necessary.  Gardner had been his last chance; if he won’t hire him, who would?

* * *

Even though it was only the early evening, Brian went to Woody’s and began drinking.  He used the last of the money Justin gave him to get himself as drunk as humanly possible.

Down the street at the diner, Justin was busy with the dinner rush.  At this point, having worked at the diner for several years, he could handle the entire restaurant on his own, even in the middle of the rush.  However, he shared the floor with Debbie and the two easily worked the place and placated the hungry men who came in before a night on the town.

For Justin, that also meant letting his ass be grabbed about every thirty seconds.  If it weren’t for the great tips, he’d probably say something.  As it was, he usually got a few extra bucks thrown his way whenever he flashed a come-hither smile so it couldn’t hurt.  After all, he knows he really needs to make as much money as possible.  Not only had he been continually giving it to Brian by slipping it in the man’s wallet when he wasn’t looking, but he owed Daphne his share of the rent.

A few hours later the rush died down and he and Debbie were sharing a plate of fries and exchanging stories about their most interesting customers of the night when a few more walked in.  Debbie went to go greet them, but Justin stopped her with a shake of his head.  “I got it.  You just relax.”  He said, ostensibly to give her some more time off her feet, but really he just wanted the tip.

He walked up to them, pulled out his pad and put on a bright smile.  As he approached, however, he heard what they were talking about.  “-Kinney.  He’s still there.”

Justin paused and looked at them intently, his server’s smile fading.  “Where’s Brian?”  He asked, and they looked up at him swiftly, initially angry at his eavesdropping – but really what did they expect when he was their server – but then they realized who he was and they seemed much more eager to speak.

_‘Ahh yes.’_   Justin thought amusedly.  _‘Everyone knows the paramour of Brian A. Kinney.’_  

“At Woody’s.  Apparently he’s been there for hours getting shit faced.”  One of them answered, a light haired kid Justin realized he’d fucked before.

_‘Not again…What happened this time?’_   Justin thought as he sighed and rolled his eyes.  He glanced down at his pad and then back to Debbie.  “Hey, I got to make sure Brian doesn’t get himself killed.”  He explained to Debbie, letting amusement through his voice so Debbie knew he was kidding – but he was more serious than he let on.  Something bad must have happened.

“You go ahead, Sweetie.  I’ll take care of things here.”  Debbie said, standing swiftly and patting his cheek.  Justin unlooped the apron from his neck, grabbed his things, and swiftly went down the street to Woody’s.

It didn’t take long, and when he walked inside he spotted Brian right away.  It wasn’t hard as there wasn’t anybody else standing up on their chair attempting to get up on the table.  Justin was sure that if it had been anybody else, the bartenders or manager might interfere, but not with Brian.  Realizing he might seriously hurt himself if he fell, Justin weaved through the crowd goading Brian on and swiftly grabbed the man’s arms to begin pulling him down.

“Sunshine!”  Brian called loudly, his breath reeking of alcohol.  Justin received a few boos from the assembled crowd for ending the show and he wondered just what it was Brian promised to show them and was inexplicably pleased he arrived in time.

“Come on, Bri.  Let’s go home.  Where is your car?”  He asked, patting Brian’s jeans down to find which pocket the keys were in.

“Weren’t you working?”  Brian suddenly asked as if he hadn’t even heard Justin’s question.  He then reached down to Justin’s hand and moved it so it slid in the front of his jeans.  “You missed.”  Brian teased.

Justin snapped his hand back as though he’d been scalded.  Brian suddenly scowled at his reaction and turned to scan the crowd.  “Fine.  I can find someone else.”  He said, gently shoving Justin away.  He then pointed randomly into the circle of men surrounding them.  “You.  C’mere.”  He drawled; it was a testament to Brian’s reputation that the man did so regardless of Brian’s current condition.

Justin held his hand out to the trick’s chest and stopped him from advancing further.  Changing tactics, he gently rubbed his palm over the bulge in Brian’s pants.  Brian bent his head down and pressed his nose against the shell of Justin’s ear, taking in a deep breath of Justin’s hair.  His tongue then flicked out and he licked down Justin’s cheek.

Knowing he had him hooked, Justin began backing away, leading Brian out of the bar.  Like a dog following a treat, Brian followed Justin until they were on the street.  Justin then reached up and looped his hand behind Brian’s neck, giving him a deep and plundering kiss.  “Be right back…”  He murmured in a husky tone.

“Hurry…”  Brian murmured, drunkenly reaching into his own pants and stroking himself, right there on the street.  “Wanna fuck…”

“No surprise there.”  Justin whispered too quietly for Brian to hear.  He then went back into the bar and to the bartender.  “How much do I owe you?”  He asked, reaching into his pocket to pull out the tips he’d made that night.  As much of a huff Brian had made about it earlier, it turned out to be a good thing he’d worked tonight.

“86.” The man said, pulling out Brian’s tab.

“Shit!  What did he drink?”  Justin demanded, grabbing the receipt and looking at the drinks Brian had ordered.  All of them were top shelf cocktails.  “Son of a bitch…”  Justin grumbled and reached into his pocket to pull out his tips.  He had made a little over a hundred for the night, but it still stung having to hand most of it over.  He then walked back outside and grabbed Brian none too gently and practically ordered him to take him to the car.

Brian, however, was much more interested in sucking on his neck.  “Brian, stop…stop it.”  Justin said, gently pushing him away.  “We can fuck when we get home.  Where’s the car?”  He asked, grabbing the side of Brian’s face and forcing him to look in his eyes.

“Need to be inside you.”  Brian murmured deeply, bending to capture Justin’s lips.

“One track mind….”  Justin spoke against his lips and then found Brian’s tongue in his mouth.  “Nn!”  Justin protested, not because he didn’t enjoy it, but because he really just wanted to get home and get this day over with.  He’d worked two shifts and had to figure out what made Brian get shit faced when they had no money to spend on booze.

He pulled himself away and then grabbed Brian’s hand and started exploring places where Brian commonly parked.  It only took two or three nearby alleys before Justin finally found it.  “There!  Come on.”  He said, continuing to drag Brian behind him.  He pulled open the door and got Brian buckled in.  The man was starting to pass out where he sat.  Justin got into the driver’s seat and gave him a sad look.

He wondered briefly if Brian had tricked tonight, but whether or not he had didn’t matter to him.  _‘Figure yourself out, Justin.’_   He berated himself.  He was still in limbo about these new feelings he had for Brian.  He didn’t know what they meant, or what they would mean for their relationship.

When he got them back to the loft, he struggled to get Brian up the elevator in what was starting to become an annoying habit.  The man would have to learn to deal with things a different way, because this type of drinking wasn’t sustainable; not for their budget, or Brian’s health.

Once again Brian passed out when Justin laid him on the bed.  He stripped him of his clothes and grabbed the wallet from Brian’s jeans.  With a bit of sadness, he slipped the last of his day’s tips in there, hoping that from now on Brian might be a bit more responsible with the way he spent _his_ money.

Once that was done he covered Brian with a blanket and silently walked down the steps of the bedroom.  He walked to the kitchen island and sat with a loud huff.  _‘Why does he have to make things so hard?’_   Justin thought sadly. 

It seemed like every day since he’d met Brian it had been an uphill battle.  Crawling, clawing, begging, and fighting to get to some kind of semblance of a relationship.  _‘Maybe that’s what I’ve been feeling.  That it just isn’t worth it anymore.’_   He thought, figuring that would account for his not caring about Brian’s tricks.  He still loved Brian, but maybe he’d just realized being with him was too much effort.

And yet, when Brian was near, he felt as if his skin was on fire and his heart was racing.  _‘But that’s just desire.  I mean, he’s hot.  But I can’t be someone’s fuck buddy for the rest of my life.’_   He frowned and spun on the bar stool to look over at Brian, sleeping on the bed.  “What am I supposed to do?”  He asked himself in a soft whisper.

He jumped when the ringing of his cell phone instantly cut off his thoughts.  He reached into his pocket and pulled it out.  Seeing it was Daphne, he smiled a bit and quickly flipped it open.  “Hey Daph’.”  He greeted, letting his exhaustion come through in his voice.

“Hey, I thought you were coming back here tonight.  We were going to watch Moulin Rouge.”  Daphne whined through the line; Justin could hear popcorn popping through the phone and figured she got on well enough without him.

“Yeah, something came up.”  He said, letting his gaze fall upon Brian yet again.  He thought he’d rather be curled up on the couch with Daphne.

“I can guess what.  That’s fine.  I’ll just watch it by myself.”  She sighed dramatically and Justin rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on, you’ll be fine.”  He said and they chuckled a little.  Then, remembering that he owed Daphne money and had just given it all to Brian, he felt a momentary flare of panic.  “Hey, umm…Can I talk to you about something?”  He asked, standing and nervously pacing.

“What is it?”  Daphne’s voice turned serious, as his had, and he knew she could sense his nervousness.  “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, I…It’s just…”  He nervously scratched at the back of his neck.  “It’s about rent.  I know my payment is due but, I don’t have it.”  He admitted, deciding to get it right out in the open.

“But, well I mean if you don’t have the money that’s fine Justin, but you’ve been working all the time.”  Daphne said, clearly sounding confused.

“I know.  It’s -.”  He stopped, knowing Brian wouldn’t want other people to know how bad off they were.  “It’s just that the tips have been bad and I’ve had to put it towards meds.  You know, my migraine ones and the muscle relaxants both ran out this month.  Not to mention my allergy meds.”  He added for good effect.  He did need more, so it wasn’t a lie, but the money had gone to Brian’s drinking binge.

“Oh.  Well that’s fine, Justin.  Besides, you barely sleep here as it is.  You practically live at Brian’s again, so don’t worry about.  You know my parents pay my half and I can just tell them I need the full amount.”  Daphne explained, sounding relieved.

“Ok so, we’re good?  I mean, you’re not mad at me?”  Justin asked, suddenly realizing he’d been really worried that she would be.  Daphne just scoffed on the other end of the line and Justin felt a huge weight lift off of him.

“Of course we’re fine.  You’re meds are way more important.”  The was a the sound of a bag ripping open and Justin imagined Daphne holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she poured it into the bowl.  If he had his choice, he’d be there right now instead of knowing he’d have to wake up with another hung over Brian.

“Cool.  Well, I got to go.  I’ll talk to you later.”  Justin said, not really in the mood for any more chat.  She’d just talk about the movie anyways.

He hung up and set the cellphone on the counter before running a hand through his hair.  It was still early – relatively speaking – but it had been a long day and all he wanted to do was sleep.  He made sure the alarm was set and the door was locked before he turned off all the lights and walked up the steps.  He stripped out of his clothes as he went, letting them lie as they dropped.

He slid into his side of the bed and rolled onto his side so he was facing Brian.  Still so many emotions and questions were swirling around his head.  He didn’t know what to do, or if it was worth it.  In the long run, he _wanted_ it to be Brian with him ten, or twenty, years down the road.  But…in the meantime, he wasn’t sure he could handle the hassle of being with someone who wouldn’t even acknowledge their relationship.

As he did most every night, he reached out and ran his fingers down Brian’s side, enjoying the feeling of the toned body beneath his hand.  He scooted close enough to place a soft kiss on Brian’s shoulder and fell asleep to the familiar noise of the brunet’s light snoring.

* * *

The next morning, Justin wasn’t surprised to wake up before Brian.  He was surprised, however, to find that he was curled up against the man, their limbs tangled together in a mess.  Several years ago Justin did his very best to get them in this very position, but as time went on he realized Brian really disliked it and he tried to give the man some space.

Knowing Brian wasn’t going to wake up for some time, Justin decided to take advantage of this chance and kept his head laying peacefully on Brian’s chest for a few moments.  He simply listened to the steady beating of his heart, and relaxed at the gentle rise and fall of his chest.  He also looped an arm over Brian’s stomach and laid there as the morning grew later and later.

When his stomach started growling about an hour later he decided it was time to get up and start being productive.  He untangled himself from Brian’s arms and then rolled and stood from the bed.  He stretched, then walked over to the closet and pulled on one of Brian’s old workout shirts.  They were worn, comfortable, and smelled of the older man.  He also grabbed some sweatpants that fell past his feet and let them scuff along the floor as he walked down the steps to start some coffee.

He was feeling good this morning.  Some time spent cuddling with Brian had put him in a good mood.  He fixed up his coffee and then meandered over to the desk to browse the internet a little before he had to get ready for work in a few hours.  As he did, his mind wandered to the bills he saw in the trash the day before.  ‘ _Could that be what caused Brian’s sudden binge?_ ’

Nervously, he eyed the bedroom and then looked at the tab on the browser.  He quickly typed in Brian’s bank’s site and accessed his account.  He’d known how to access it for several years, but this was the first time he’d actually done it.  Brian had never explicitly told him he had permission to; Justin had just been sitting on his lap when Brian had checked his account.

When he opened up the account he wasn’t surprised to see it empty.  He then went onto his own account and saw he had received a payment for the latest issue of rage – the Razorback issue.  He’d received almost five hundred dollars for it.  He smiled, briefly proud of his accomplishment, but then knew immediately that he’d have to give it to Brian as he had his tips.  However, Brian would surely notice this, unlike cash secretly slipped into his wallet.

“You don’t have a choice.  He’s broke.  You have to do something.”  He told himself aloud to give him more courage.  He just knew Brian wouldn’t be so appreciative of his altruism.  A few clicks and then all of the Rage money was sent to Brian’s account.  He glanced back up to the bedroom and smiled sadly.   He didn’t care how Brian would react.  It was a small price to pay to help Brian for a little bit longer.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Justin was working the lunch shift at the diner feeling as if everything really was going to be alright.  He was chatting with Michael who, fresh off his trip with Hunter, was eager to learn about all of the gossip he’d missed while he was gone.  It was slow, as most of the diners were returning to work, so Justin had some time to sit at his booth with him and munch on his fries.  He enjoyed this new friendship he had with Michael, so it only continued his good mood.

Unfortunately, it all came to a crashing halt when someone opened the door to the diner so hard the bell flew off and clanged onto the floor.  “What the fuck?”  Justin asked, surprised, and spun around.  He furrowed his brows when he saw Brian standing there, looking like some kind of avenging angel – or maybe demon is more accurate.  Justin had never seen that much fire in the man’s eyes before.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”  Brian demanded, ignoring everyone else in the diner and glaring Justin down.  “You think I’m pathetic?  You think I need your fucking handouts?  I don’t need anything from you!”  He shouted, reaching into his pocket and throwing five hundred dollar bills on the table.  “You think that I’ve forgotten what a fool you made out of me?!   And now you’re trying to do it again with this?!”  He motioned to the money as a bit of spit flew from his mouth.

Justin’s eyes were wide and his heart was pounding in his chest.  His mouth opened, and yet no words came out.  He had no idea how to react to this.  He’d never seen Brian this angry before.  Annoyed, sure, but never angry.  The only time that came close was when the loft had been robbed.  With a sinking feeling in his stomach he remembered that it hadn’t worked out well for him then.

“N-no, I was just-.”  His voice was small, just like how he felt.

“Save it!  I’m so tired of you!  You’ve been following me around for the past three years like some kind of puppy!  Leave me the **fuck** alone!”  Brian’s hands were clenched and his entire body seemed on edge.  Justin just continued to stare.  “You’re not even that good of a fuck anymore.”  Brian spoke, his voice low and deliberate.  “It’s like that violinist ruined you for the one thing you were actually convenient for.”

With that, Brian spun and left – leaving the entire diner in a stunned haze behind him.

“Holy shit…”  Michael was the first to break the silence as his eyes slowly trailed from Brian’s retreating form to Justin’s speechless one in the booth.  Justin was staring down at the cash on the table.  Michael reached out and picked it up, flipping through the bills with curiosity.  “You gave him money?”  He asked, trying to piece together this new bit of information with what he already knew.

“He was broke.  He didn’t have any money left in his account.”  Justin explained, no longer concerned with protecting Brian’s secret after the way the man had just treated him.

“Shit.”  Michael murmured and then handed the money back over to Justin.  Justin took it, but it still seemed as if he was in shock.  Justin leaned back in the booth as the rest of the diners started whispering.  He could hear them talking about him and what Brian had said – that he wasn’t good anymore.

Things like ‘Kinney finally got bored of him’, and ‘It was only a matter of time’ stuck out to him.  His face suddenly got hot and he slunk even deeper into the booth.  Why had Brian humiliated him like that in front of everyone?  Michael passed him a compassionate look and then turned to the other diners.  “Will you all just shut the fuck up?!”  He shouted and instantly the chatter died down once more.

Justin gave Michael a small, grateful smile and then pressed his hands to his cheeks as he tried to cool them down.  “Thanks.”  He murmured and then straightened.  “I should…get back to work.”  He said, folding up the money and slipping it into his pocket as he slid out of the booth.

“Hey.”  Michael said, reaching out and grabbing Justin’s wrist.  “Look, you know Brian.”

“Yeah – I get it.  He’s prideful and I shouldn’t have tried to help.”  Justin muttered, knowing he shouldn’t have been surprised that Michael was taking Brian’s side, even in this.

“No.”  Michael insisted, standing along with Justin.  “I was going to say, you know Brian.  How many times have you watched him try to push someone away for their own good?”  Michael asked and suddenly Justin paused.

_‘Is that what that was?’_   He thought.  As he thought about it, it would make sense.  After all, when Brian felt someone was better off away from him he often gave them little choice and did it in a humiliating fashion.  Michael would know that better than anyone.  _‘But I don’t want to be pushed off Mount Kinney.’_

And then, just like that, all of his strange confusing feelings made sense.  The realization that he didn’t want to live a life without Brian made everything slide into place.  He realized what it was he’d been feeling – love.  Not the puppy love he’d had for Brian before, the hopeless devotion, the mindless adoration.  He believed Brian to be a god, infallible, and perfect.  But after Ethan, he realized Brian wasn’t any of those things, and instead of making his love for Brian disappear, his love grew stronger, more true.  He only didn’t recognize it before because he’d never felt that kind of love before.

He suddenly smiled a little at this discovery.  _‘I love Brian.  I_ love _Brian.’_   He thought to himself proudly.  That was why he didn’t care about the tricks, because this new love he held for the man transcended those nameless and faceless men.  He would probably never understand Brian’s need to trick, but he understood that Brian _did_ need it, and that was all that mattered to him.

“Are you ok?”  Michael asked and Justin realized he’d been standing there silently for a few moments.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine.”  He said, making sure his apron was tied securely around his waist before getting back to work.  “Thanks, Michael.  I needed a bit of a wake up call.  Don’t worry about Brian.  I’ve got it handled.”  He said and then Michael nodded a little, but still looked a bit confused.

“Are you sure?”  He asked and Justin nodded once more.

“Oh yeah.  Brian Kinney can’t stop me.  You should know that by now.”  Justin laughed and Michael chuckled a little.

“Yeah Boy Wonder, you’re pretty indestructible.  Good thing, for us.”  He added and then softly punched Justin’s shoulder.  “Anyway, I should get back to the shop.  I’m sure everything is covered in dust and it wouldn’t hurt to remind people that I’m still in business.”  He sighed and then Justin smiled and nodded.

“Yeah.  I’ll see you around.”  Justin waved as Michael handed him some money to pay for his meal and tip, then walked out of the diner.  Justin went to the cash register before clearing the table.  He then noticed the other diners were still looking at him.  He frowned and waved them off.  “Oh will you all just mind your own business?!”  They all ducked their heads so Justin turned back and went into the kitchen.

_‘I love Brian.’_   He though again, pleased.

There was only just one problem now.  Brian just pushed him off Mount Kinney.  He needed to get back on.

* * *

Brian sighed as he laid back and looked up at his ceiling.  He was thinking about how he should have waiting to shout at Justin until he had let the lad suck him off one last time, because now his dick was hard and he was alone in his apartment without anyone to service him.  He glanced over to his computer, and wondered if the effort to find someone on the internet was worth it; sometimes they showed up looking like trolls.

Absently, he reached down and began stroking himself.  His dick was hard and hot in his hand.  He let out a long, relaxing breath and then began quickening his pace as he jerked himself off.  When he was finished he looked down at the stream of cum on his stomach and grabbed the edge of the sheet to wipe himself off. 

Instead of satisfying him, the handjob only managed to make him even more turned on.  He didn’t even need Justin, any trick would do, unfortunately, he didn’t even have money to go out.  He would have to make do with himself for now.  Having no money was really going to fuck with his, well, fucking.

He scowled as he thought of that.  He needed regular release; he was Brian Fucking Kinney and fucking was what he did.

He turned over to look at the empty spot in his bed.  Anyone would do, really.  But it would be nice if it was Justin.  _‘But no.  He’s better off.’_   He thought to himself as he reached over to get some lube and started jerking off again.

* * *

Justin chuckled as he and Daphne watched a sitcom on TV.  He munched on a big bowl of popcorn and was determined to focus on what was happening on TV rather than the relationship issues he had going on with Brian.  It wasn’t working.

_‘He just has to complicate everything.’_   He thought to himself as his eyes remained trained on the TV.  _‘Nothing is ever easy with Brian.  You have to fight through a mile of crap just to get to an inch of happiness.  It’s so hard being the only one fighting through it.’_   He scowled a little, unaware that Daphne was looking at him.

“What did he do this time?”  She asked suddenly, cutting him from his thoughts.

“Huh?  Who?”  He asked and Daphne rolled her eyes and threw a kernel of popcorn at him.

“Him who?  Brian of course.  Ever since you met him it’s always been Brian.”  She said as she shifted on the couch so she was tilted towards him, instead of the TV.  “So what happened?  I mean, something must have.  You’re sleeping here instead of there and you look perturbed.”

Justin sighed and ran his hand through his shaggy blond hair.  “Nothing.  It’s just Brian being Brian.  Everything is hard because he always has to be in charge, can’t accept help from anyone, and can’t handle being broke.”  Justin snapped, grabbing the popcorn and hurling it on the floor in frustration.  He hadn’t meant to talk about it, but now that he’d started, the words started flowing.

“He’s just so convinced that he has to be alone, you know?  Like, if someone helps him then he’s a failure at life.  All I did was give him a few hundred dollars, because he was completely broke, and he flipped out.  He cursed at me in front of everyone in the diner.  Said all these really embarrassing things…And it’s not even that that I care about.  I don’t give a shit what they think about me; and Brian does this thing where he makes a big show out of it because then he thinks people won’t try to fight back.  But not me.  Nope.  Brian Kinney isn’t going to get rid of me.”  Justin nodded firmly and crossed his arms over his chest triumphantly.

Daphne looked at him a moment, slightly confused because she only felt as if she was getting half the information.  “So, wait…what did he do at the diner?”

“He broke up with me!  Or well, whatever it is you do when your people like Brian and I.  I mean, we’re partners, but we don’t really share anything.  And that’s the problem!  He is convinced that I can’t help him.  But I’m not seventeen anymore.”  Justin suddenly stopped and sat up straight.  “I’m not seventeen anymore, but he still treats me like I am.  I have to prove to him that I’m just a big a man as he is!  That’s it.  That’s how I get back up Mount Kinney!  Thanks Daph!”

Justin patted her on the shoulder and stood swiftly to retreat to his room and plan.  Daphne remained sitting on the couch, blinking slowly, not really sure what it is she did.  “Uhhh, sure.  Anytime.”  She spoke to the empty room.

The commercials suddenly ended and she looked back at the TV.  She glanced to Justin’s room wondering if he was going to come back, and then shrugged and popped a piece of popcorn in her mouth contently.

* * *

Two days later Brian was running out of things to clean in his loft.  He’d already scrubbed the entire loft clean, including his shower stall, and reorganized his small emergency food storage.  He had come across several bags of chips, a carton of Oreos, and a box of Captain Crunch that all had been Justin’s.  He swiftly threw them away.

Around noon he started working out – what else was he supposed to do? – but was interrupted by his cell phone ringing.  He was tempted to ignore it, but knew that he didn’t have anything better to do.  That, and he hadn’t talked to anyone in a few days and he was starting to feel strange.

He had been expecting the family to flood him with calls after his treatment of Justin at the diner, but no one had said a word to him.  He wondered if whether that was because Justin and Michael didn’t tell anyone, or if the silent treatment was his punishment.  He didn’t expect it of Justin, but Michael was always quick to run to Debbie when he thought Brian did something wrong.

When he picked up the phone, however, it was Cynthia’s name showing up on the screen.  He flipped it open slowly, wondering why his old assistant would be calling him.  “Cyn?”  He asked carefully.

“Boss, have I got news for you.”  Cynthia’s voice was low, but filled with excitement.

“Well?”  Brian asked, rubbing his face.  Honestly, he didn’t care what was going on over at VanGard; unless of course Gardner was running out of business himself.

“Someone turned him down.  Said Gardner’s ideas weren’t current enough; that he wanted a more modern approach to his advertising.”  Cynthia divulged and Brian immediately stopped and still.

_‘Modern?  What could be more modern than unabashed sex?  I would be perfect for this.’_   He immediately thought.  “Please tell me you have his number.”  He said, closing his eyes tightly, afraid to begin hoping he might actually be getting a break.

“Of course.  I wouldn’t bother to call otherwise.  Good luck, Boss.”  Cynthia said, then, after giving Brian the number, they said their goodbyes and hung up.  Brian didn’t move for a moment, he simply held the phone in his hand limply and stared blankly ahead.

After a few minutes passed, he took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair.  “Ok Kinney.”  He spoke aloud to himself in the empty loft.  “Don’t fuck this up.”  He finished.  This was his shot, his only shot, to make Kinnetik a real thing.  He couldn’t blow it.

* * *

Upon doing a bit of research on the client, a British man by the name of Edward Kingston, Brian was entirely confident that he could get this client with a flick of his wrist.  In fact, he was fairly certain the Kingston would be begging him to do their advertising.  Kingston owned an electronics company that primarily made video games and consoles.  Their primary audience was 20-somethings still living in the parent’s house.  20-somethings loved video games; they also loved sex.

There was only one problem…

Kingston lived in England.  And he had no money – and only one thing left to sell.

He looked around the loft with a deep frown.  He had wanted to live out the rest of his life here.  It was _him_.  Of course…it had never really felt like a home.  Well, there had been times when it felt like home.  _‘Especially when Justin was here.’_   He thought to himself before he could stop his train of thought.

_‘Dammit Kinney!  Justin’s gone because you’re a worthless sack of shit.’_   He reminded himself.  Justin was far better off without him.  Even with money he wasn’t any good for Justin.  The kid just wanted too much.  With a sure nod he reminded himself that they were too different and wanted two different lifestyles.  He needed to focus on other things, like Edward Kingston.

To get into Kingston’s pocket, he’d have to empty his.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it took me so long to get this chapter out. Unfortunately, life demanded a lot of my attention. I had to move, and help my mother as she went through a divorce and it didn't leave a lot of time to write. So, even though it's a bit later than I would have liked, please enjoy chapter three!

**Two Weeks Later**

Justin was sitting in the diner, sketching a man sitting in a few booths over.  A half-eaten plate of fries was in front of him and occasionally he reached out to grab one, dip it in the squirt of ketchup on his plate and stuff it in his mouth.  He would then lick his fingers, wipe them on his jeans, and continue with the sketch.

He enjoyed quiet moments like this.  The diner wasn’t too busy, there was just a low hum of quiet conversation and the occasional bustle of Kiki going between the tables and kitchen.  It let him clear his head and just watch people.

He looked down at the sketch he had and then back up to the man.  He was young and attractive, but looked very serious and made Justin wonder what he was thinking about.  He wondered what kind of problems he had to deal with, and if they were anything like his own.

A partner that wouldn’t accept that they were in any sort of relationship.

A hand that shook.

Headaches that blinded him with pain.

A lack of direction with his life.

A heavy sigh escaped Justin.  There were so many things going wrong in his life.  He was still suspended from PIFA; but even if he wasn’t he wouldn’t go back.  He had no money and he wasn’t really interested in attending a school that supported such censorship.   However, he wouldn’t be able to get any worthwhile jobs if he didn’t have a degree, but art was the only thing that interested him; he was serious when he said he couldn’t bear to be a business major.

So instead of mastering his art, he was waiting tables – and would be for the foreseeable future.

Not only that, but he was still struggling with the after effects of his bashing.  His hand was beginning to get more tired than usual; probably because of the extra hours he was working.  However, his hand was manageable.  It was his headaches that he couldn’t stand.

He had migraine medicine, but he didn’t like taking them unless he needed to, which usually meant that the migraine had already started.  They typically incapacitated him for several hours because of their intensity.  Light, no matter how dim, seemed to burn a hole in his brain.  Sounds, no matter how quiet, were like trumpets in his head.  Everything hurt.

And they were coming more and more often.

As if thinking about them brought them on his head started hurting on the side.  He rubbed the spot directly over his scar and closed his eyes to focus for a moment.  _‘You’re fine.’_   He told himself several times until the low throbbing went away.

He opened his eyes back up and saw that his subject was standing and walking out of the diner.  Justin looked down at the sketch one more time and then smiled, content.  He flipped back a few pages and looked at some older ones he had done.  They were all of Brian, of course.

He rolled his eyes as he thought of his partner.  He didn’t even know what to think about him at this point.  He was still fresh out of ideas about how to convince Brian that even though he was twelve years younger than him, he could still contribute and have a mature relationship.  He didn’t want to be a kept man.  And he didn’t want Brian to think that he was.  He was sure, though, that the idea would come to him.

He grabbed another fry and popped it into his mouth as he looked down at his sketch of Brian.  He taped it carefully, not wanting to smudge it, but smiled a bit.  He missed Brian, and hoped that he could figure it out soon.

A half an hour before his shift Michael and Ben walked into the diner.  He greeted them with a smile and a wave as they came and sat across from him.  He hid his sketchbook away and offered his plate of fries to them.  “Help yourself.  I don’t like to fill up too much before work.”  Justin said even as he grabbed another off the plate.

“None for me, thanks.”  Ben said, unsurprisingly avoiding the salted and fatty food.

Michael, however, quickly helped himself to four at a time.  Justin and Ben exchanged an amused look and chuckled a little.  “How’ve you been, Justin?”  Michael asked curiously, through his food.

“Fine.  Daphne and I have been renovating the apartment.  We got new couches, dishes and towels.”  Justin said, though he wasn’t entirely thrilled about the idea.  He hadn’t imagined he’d ever be living full time with Daphne.  He had thought he’d be staying with Brian all the time after he left Ethan.  Of course…things hadn’t worked out that way.

“You two are making quite the little home, aren’t you?”  Ben teased lightly.

Justin rolled his eyes.  “Please, don’t make us sound like a little, young couple or something.  I fucked her once and that was a mistake.  I’m not going to do it again.  It wasn’t even good.  Much as I love her, I’ll be glad to get out of there.”  Justin murmured, grabbing another fry.

“I’m guessing Brian hasn’t relented.”  Michael said knowingly.

“You know Brian.”  Was all Justin had to say.   The two men across from him nodded.  They all knew Brian.  “But, I’m working on it.  I’ll set him straight.”  Justin vowed, glancing at the clock.  He began standing, realizing it was just about time to start his shift.

“Well if anyone can it’s you, Boy Wonder.”  Michael said.

Justin paused a moment to give him a sincere smile.  “Thanks, Michael.  It means a lot that you think that.”  He said and Michael shrugged it off.

“You’re good for him.  Probably the only one in the planet that could put up with him.  And I know he loves you.  Even if he’s never said it.”

“And even though he never will.”  Justin added, but shook his head.  “But really.  I’m glad you think that.”  He said, then turned and walked behind the counter.  He hid his sketchbook and wrapped an apron over his neck to begin working.

At the table, Ben and Michael watched him for a moment and then turned to each other.  “He really is good for Brian.  Unfortunately, Brian doesn’t believe he deserves anything good.”  Michael commented.

“I’m sure it’ll work out.  Justin’s one of the most determined people I know.”  Ben said and made Michael snort a bit.

“Oh, you have no idea.”  He smiled nostalgically as he thought about how young and innocent Justin had been when they first met.  They had both been different people then; both determined to have the same thing.  _‘Good thing I grew up and realized Brian and I would have been a disaster.’_   He thought to himself as he grabbed a few more fries.  He really hoped Justin figured out a way to get Brian to realize he was being stupid.

He grabbed Ben’s hand and gave him a quick peck on the lips.  “Love you.”  He said softly, hoping that someday, Justin would be able to hear the same thing from the person he loved.

* * *

Brian packed up another box in his bedroom.  Most of loft was already packaged and ready to go into storage, but he had saved his clothes and most of his bathroom supplies for the last.  His mind was blank as he worked, because if he allowed himself to think about what was happening he might have a mental breakdown.

He was being forced to leave his home.  A place he had planned to live out the rest of his life; that was why he had invested so much money into renovating it to perfectly fit his needs and desires.  Now, it was all for naught.

He wasn’t even getting a good deal out of it.  He had to sell quickly, which meant the buyer could low-ball him.  After paying off the rest of the mortgage, he only had a little over a hundred grand left.  Most of that went to paying off his credit card debt…All that was left was barely enough to get him to England in order to woo his new, potential client.

He used packing tape to close the box and then stacked it on top of the others.  His closet was almost empty, save for a few small things.  He propped open another box and then pulled some things from the upper shelf in his closet.  The first was a spare blanket which he stuff into the bottom of the box.  The next was a small box and Brian paused when he pulled it from the shelf.

He looked at it with a frown and refused to open it; he didn’t need to in order to know what was inside.  He debated simply throwing it away, he’d tried to before, but just as he did then he hesitated and faltered.  His hand shook over the open trash bag and his heart started pounding in his chest.  Unbidden, memories of that night flooded his mind.

Frustrated, he threw it into his box and cursed himself for being too weak to let go of the past.  He then went back into the closet and pulled out the last object; a small picture frame.  This time he smiled.  The drawing still brought tender feelings to him.  It was the first piece of art that had managed to make him feel something; though he figured it had more to do with the artist than the sketch itself.  Still, it managed to calm his racing heart.  He traced a finger over the glass protecting it and smiled a bit more before tenderly placing it in the box.  Unlike his scarf, this is something he would never consider discarding.

When he was finished he taped the box shut and stretched his back.  His flight left in a few hours, so he needed to get over to the airport.  He loaded up his car with the last few boxes for storage, his suitcase for the trip, and left.

* * *

The flight to England was uneventful; even the fuck from the man sitting across the aisle from him was mediocre.  Afterwards, he thought about how much better it would have been if Justin had been on the plane with him.  That way, he could have continued Justin’s education by inducting him into the Mile High Club.  Also, he figured there were some good museums Justin would have liked to see in London.  However, he fully intended to enjoy himself without the blond around.

When he landed he quickly got a taxi and headed to his hotel.  Under his current circumstances, being homeless and practically broke, he normally wouldn’t spring for a nice hotel.  However, he would be meeting with Edward in his suite and he knew he had to make a good first impression.  So, all the remaining money he had from selling his loft was for buying a room in the Mandarin Oriental hotel.  He managed to get the royal suite; if that didn’t make an impression he didn’t know what would.

Once he was settled in, he hung up his suits and pulled out his laptop, going over his itinerary.  He would be meeting with Edward tomorrow, and the very thought made his stomach clench in anxiety.  Never before had a meeting been so detrimental to his future.  Everything rode on this one client…His entire life.

At this point it wasn’t just about making his dream a reality, it was simply a matter of survival.  If he couldn’t get Edward Kingston he would be homeless.  He would have no more money, and would have nothing to offer Justin.  _‘Enough.  Stop thinking about the little twat.’_   He berated himself, but no matter how many times he did Justin always seemed to cross his mind.

He had done what he thought was best for Justin – just as he always did.  He was a sinking ship and Justin was better off not going down with him.  That didn’t mean, however, that he didn’t miss that ass…and the smile and laugh weren’t so bad either.

Brian scowled.  It seemed more and more often lately tender emotions had been arising whenever he thought about Justin.  He had thought he got rid of all those when Justin had left him for Ethan, but somehow the little shit had wormed his way back in.  Brian couldn’t have that.

 _‘You’re in a foreign city.  Take advantage of that.’_   Brian thought, hoping he could literally fuck Justin out of his head with random men.  Maybe if he sampled enough he’d eventually find one better than the blond.  It hadn’t happened yet, but there were plenty of men in the world to try.

Deciding fucking his way through the world could wait until tomorrow, Brian laid back and tried to relax after his long flight.  He stripped out of his clothes and laid back on the bed, on top of the blankets.  In a matter of minutes he was asleep.

* * *

“Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Kingston.”  Brian said as he smiled charmingly and shook the man’s hand.  Edward was surprising when Brian met him.  When he thinks of video games he thinks of young kids with too much time on their hands, and he was expecting to get that out of Edward.

Instead, he was greeted by a middle aged man with a bald spot and a beer belly.  He was dressed in an expensive suit and bore a serious expression.  Brian knew immediately that this was a man of business, and he’d have to bring the best pitch of his life in order to convince him to go with a one man show.

“When I heard that you came all the way from America I had to.  But please, call me Ed.”  He answered, his serious expression turning into a kind smile.

“In that case, call me Brian.”  Brian said as he let his hand fall to his side.  His stomach was still in knots, but he would never let it show. He knew he was the best man for this job, all he had to do was let Ed know he was as well.

“I’m hoping this can be less formal.  I would like to get to know you a bit to find out if we are compatible.  You would be running all of my advertising…I wouldn’t want to be stuck with someone I can’t stand.  No offense.”  Ed explained, but Brian was hardly offended.

“Trust me, I understand completely.”  He said and then motioned to the nearby hotel bar.  “Why don’t I treat you to a few drinks?”  Brian suggested and the two walked over to a small round table.

As they ordered their drinks Ed settled in and looked over at Brian a moment before speaking.  “To be completely honest, when I heard who I was meeting with I did a bit of research on you.  I heard about that scandal involving you, the intern, and the…mayor, was it?”  Ed asked, clearly not entirely up to date.

Brian withheld a sigh and a scowl.  Of course he knew that what he and Justin had done would follow him for a while, but with stories like that it rarely turned out people heard the whole truth.  At least he was getting a chance to tell it.

“Well, first of all, it was a mayoral candidate.  He wasn’t mayor yet.”  Brian corrected and then nodded a thanks to the waiter as their drinks arrived.  He took a moment to take a sip and then looked squarely at Ed.  “Second, the intern was my partner.  It’s not as if he was fucking his way to the top or I was giving him special treatment.  In fact, I rode his ass harder than the rest of my staff.”  Brian paused and then smirked a little.  “Pun intended.”  He then opened his mouth to say more but was cut off by Ed.

“He?”  The man asked, clearly surprised.

Brian stiffened a bit but then sat up proudly and nodded a little.  “Yes, he.  I’m gay.  And it’s probably best you know now because I am not ashamed, or try to hide who I am.”  Brian said honestly.  He held his breath for a moment, wondering if his sexuality was about to cost him his entire future.

Ed just looked at him for a moment, as if weighing him up, but then broke into a smile.  “Good, no one should have to hide who they are.”  He said and then took a long drink from his cocktail.  “At my company, I try to foster an atmosphere of openness and understanding.  Bigotry and bullying are not tolerated, no matter the case.”  Ed explained as he leaned back in his seat, a small signal to Brian that he was getting comfortable and that he was making a good impression.

“So, tell me about yourself Brian.” Ed said, waving his hand just slightly to motion Brian to speak.

The brunet laced his fingers together and placed his hands in his lap.  “Let’s see.”  He murmured.  “I’ve been in advertising my entire life.  I got my first job at Ryder Advertising, fresh out of college.  I attended -.”

“Brian.”  Ed interrupted him.  “I told you to tell me about yourself, not your career.  What do you like to do, what is your family like?”  He elaborated.

Brian paused for a moment, far less comfortable than he was before, but knew he didn’t have a choice.  “Well, I told you about my partner.”  Brian said briefly, mostly because he didn’t want to talk about Justin.  He still felt uncertain about the way he had handled things, and the last thing he wanted to do was tell a stranger about his on and off again relationship with the kid.  Luckily, Ed nodded in agreement, so he just moved on.  “I have a son, Gus.  He lives with his two lesbian mothers and I visit to offer the occasional masculine influence.”

Brian proceeded to tell him all about the people who made up his strange little family, casually leaving out his mother and sister.  No reason to bring up such a depressing topic.  When he was done, Ed told him about his own family.  He had a wife, two daughters, and a son.  Brian was starting to like the man more than he thought, and he was sure that Ed felt the same way.  By the time they were done, Brian was certain that the account was going to be his.

Two hours after they sat, both men stood and shook hands.  “I’ll be looking forward to hearing your pitch, Brian.  Why don’t we meet tomorrow around four.”  Ed suggested and Brian nodded swiftly.

“Of course.  Good night, Ed.”  He said and then watched the man leave the bar.  He slumped back in his seat in relief.  He reached into his wallet and pulled out enough cash to cover the tab and leave at least a decent tip for the waiter, then he walked back up to his room to prepare.

He went for his suitcase where the boards he had brought were, but when he opened it he found it empty.  His heart suddenly plummeted in his chest.  “Fuck…”  He murmured, realizing he must have accidentally put them into storage.  “No, no no…”  He murmured, closing his eyes tightly.  “This isn’t happening.”  He ran his hands through his hair and then clenched them tightly.

There was only one person he knew who could help him make new ones for him before tomorrow.  He rolled his lips into his mouth and pulled out his phone.

* * *

“I think you’ll like the kitchen as well.  It has a lot of open space, and comes fully furnished, like the rest of the-.”

The woman was cut off as Justin’s cell phone started ringing.  He flashed her an apologetic smile and then reached into his pocket to pull it out and silence it.  However, when he saw that it was Brian calling he paused.  “Sorry, I need to take this.”  He said and then walked a few steps away and flipped the phone open.  “Brian?”  He asked confused; he thought the man was overseas.

“Good.  You’re available.  I need you to do something for me.”  Brian spoke swiftly and as if they were mere passing acquaintances.

“What?  Michael said you were in England.”  Justin furrowed his brows together a bit as he walked over to the window and looked down at the city below.

“I am.  But I need you to make some boards for me.  For a gaming company.  Edgy, sexy, you know the drill.”  Brian said and Justin stopped moving immediately in surprise.

“What is going on over there?”  Justin asked slowly.

“Can you do it or not?”  Brian asked, somewhat sharply.

Justin got the sense that something important was happening to Brian, but the man had humiliated him; he could let him dangle a little.  “I have a lot going on, Brian.  I’m working two shifts every day, and trying to get the next issue out on Rage, and-.”

“Look Justin, I need this, ok?  Are you going to fucking make me beg, or are you going to give me two hours of your time?”  Brian asked and Justin smirked a little.

“Fine.  I’ll call you back soon, just give me half an hour.”  Justin said, and then snapped the phone closed before Brian could answer.  Feeling strangely powerful – a rare emotion when involved with Brian Kinney – Justin turned to the building manager and smiled.  “Sorry about that, Maureen.  I’ll take it.”

She smiled broadly and pressed her hands together.  “Great.  I’ll just need a few signatures and the deposit.”  She said and then motioned over to the counter.  “So will you be living here by yourself?”  She asked and Justin smiled tenderly and shook his head.

“No.  I’ll be living here with my partner.”

* * *

Brian spent a bit of time on the phone with Justin going over what he wanted for the boards.  He wasn’t too concerned about the distance, as they’d always worked well together and Justin was more capable than anyone to anticipate and carry out his desires.  They didn’t talk about anything other than the boards, but he felt lighter for it none the less.  He always felt better when he talked to Justin; assuming of course that it wasn’t one of the times they were parting ways.  Justin was the only one who ever made him feel that way.

And he hated it.

So, in order to get rid of the slightly giddy feeling that was far too immature for a man of his age, he put on his best pair of jeans, a tight fitting shirt, and went out for a night on the town.  He’d been to London before, so already knew the clubs and bars that he liked.  One such club was named SINergy, and always had a good stock of men to choose from.

He skipped the line of course, because Brian Kinney never had to wait - even in other countries - and boldly strode into the club.  The pulse of the music beat within him and made him feel alive.  Knowing he’d already spent too much money on drinks, he stayed clear of the bar.  Instead, he went to the dance floor and quickly found an admirer or two to dance with.  Soon, Justin was banished from his mind once more.

He ended up taking both of them back to his hotel room.  It was a new experience, being sober while having a three way; he’d always been drunk or high before – or both.  Now, the euphoria that he typically felt was absent.  He still enjoyed it of course, because sex was sex, but it was lacking something.

He kicked them out before going to sleep but laid in bed longer than normal.  He usually passed out fairly quickly afterwards, but there were far too many thoughts running through his mind.  His entire future rested with his meeting tomorrow; he tossed and turned all night.

* * *

The next morning Brian checked his email and found the boards Justin had made for him.  They were perfect, and exactly what he had imagined when he had told Justin what he wanted; not only that, but they had been a rush job as well.  It reminded him of the short time Justin had been his intern.  He smiled, thinking about all the interesting places they had fucked, but mostly because it had been a relief to have someone who instinctively knew what he wanted.  Work got done so much better that way.

He didn’t have the means or time to actually print out the boards, but he was certain Ed would still enjoy them and see the good a man like Brian could do for him.  When Ed arrived at his hotel suite, Brian had his laptop set up, prepared to show Justin’s slides as a slide show.  He was dressed in his finest Armani suit and had a glass of chilled champagne waiting for Ed when he walked in.  The room service he ordered arrived shortly after and the two shared a lobster and steak dinner – cutting even more into Brian’s expenses.

They chatted as they did the day before over dinner, but when they were both finished Brian knew it was time.  The most important pitch of his life was about to begin.

Ed sat on the plush white sofa in the sitting room as Brian set up his laptop on the coffee table.  He then stood before him and took a calming breath before beginning.  “You run a modern day company.  You said so yourself yesterday; you’re open minded, and looking to the future.  You are driven by young people who want the best new game on the market.  And there’s one thing that drive young people.  Sex.”  Brian said, clicking to the first slide.  On it was a rendering of a young woman, dressed only in a graphic tee featuring the company’s logo, and a pair of lace underwear holding a controller.  On the bottom was written in bold letters ‘gamers get the girls’.

Ed’s eyebrows rose up on his forehead, but Brian could see the amusement in his eyes.

“Gamers are constantly thought of as overweight, unemployed free loaders living in their parent’s basement.  We need to change that image.  People want to think they’ll be desirable by playing your games, on your console.”  Brian clicked to the next slide depicting a rendering of two women, one an elf in fantasy garb, and the other a young, attractive woman also wearing the company’s logo.  Underneath it read ‘I’m better than my avatar’.

Brian flipped through several more, two of which featured men so women felt included as well.  Brian watched Ed get more and more interested and silently thanked Justin.  Just as he was, Ed commented on the art.  “I like the style.”  He said, pointing to one of the pictures.  “It looks as if it is a screen shot from a game.  Who was the artist?”

“Justin, my partner.”  Brian explained as he smiled at the art himself.  Even something as simple as this didn’t fail to impress him; Justin was born to be an artist.

“Really?  Two man team, huh?”  Ed asked good-naturedly.

 “Something like that.”  Brian answered, wishing there was a way for him and Justin to get on the same page.  As much as he hated the fact that his feelings for Justin were starting to get stronger and stronger, he knew that if there was going to be anyone for him in life it would be the blond. Before he could think about it much longer, Ed stood.

“I like you, Brian.  I do.  And I like the ideas you have for my company.”  Ed said, then frowned a little bit.  “That’s why I want to be honest with you.”  He said as he crossed his arms over his chest.  Brian’s stomach began to clench already in preparation for what was about to happen.

“Gardner sent someone to pitch to me as well after I rejected his first offer.  And I have to say, as much as I like you, I am much more comfortable doing business with a company that has the resources to supply all my needs.”  Ed said, and though his voice sounded truly sympathetic, to Brian it sounded like the whole world was crashing down around him.

He didn’t hear much after that.  A few platitudes, an apology, and then they shook hands and Ed left.  He couldn’t really believe that just happened.  He had been rejected?  What was he going to do now?

* * *

**Three Days Later**

Justin grunted as he lowered another box onto the kitchen counter.  Behind him, Michael and Ben brought in boxes of their own and placed them on the table or the floor, wherever there was space.  “How much stuff did my mom give you?”  Michael asked as he wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead.

“It feels like the entire attic.”  Justin commented with a wry grin; he loved Debbie, but she went a little over the top.  “I don’t even know what I’m going to do with most of this.”  He added as he popped open the box and pulled out a large serving tray in the shape of a kitten.  “It doesn’t exactly go with anything.”

“You _have_ seen her house, right?”  Michael asked sarcastically, chuckling a little.

“The important thing is you’ll have something to eat off of.”  Ben said and wiped his hands on his jeans.  The apartment was already filled with boxes, most of which had come as gifts from Debbie as soon as she heard Justin was moving out of Daphne’s into his own apartment.  He and Michael glanced to each other and then Ben cleared his throat.  “We also, given this is your first place on your own, thought we might give you something.”  He said as he reached into his back pocket.

Justin paused and looked at them.  “You two didn’t have to give me anything.”  Justin said gratefully.

“We know.”  Michael said, placing a hand on Justin’s shoulder.  “But this is a big deal.”  He said as Ben handed over a check.  Justin’s eyebrows shot up his forehead when he saw it.

“Guys…”  He murmured, eyes glued to the four hundred dollar check.

“Its fine, Justin.  It’s a gift.  We see how much you’ve been working…trying to help out Brian.  We think it’s good and want to help out as much as we can.  I mean, he is going to live here, isn’t he?”  Michael said and Justin shrugged.

“I haven’t asked him yet, but I know he sold the loft.”  Justin trailed off, still stunned by the money.

“We just want to make sure you’ll be ok for a bit.”  Ben assured with one of his kind smiles as he placed his hands on his hips.

Justin nodded a little and smiled at both of them.  “Thank you, so much.”  He said genuinely and gave them both a quick hug.  When he backed away he looked at Michael.  “Have you heard from him?  Is he still in London?”  He asked and Michael shook his head.

“I haven’t heard from him in a couple of days.”  He reported and Justin frowned a little.

“Me either.”  Justin informed, suddenly concerned.  “He needed me to make some boards for a pitch he was doing.  He never called to tell me how it went…”  He said and then looked between the two of them.  “You don’t think something happened to him, do you?”

“Brian’s capable of taking care of himself.  I’m sure he’s fine.”  Ben said calmly, knowing if he didn’t then Michael would begin getting out of hand – he always did when Brian was concerned.

“Well, I’d feel better calling him.”  Michael said, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone.  The three stood silently as it rang and rang, but no one ever answered.

* * *

**Back in London.**

Brian woke to a pounding in his head, an aching body, and an annoying ringing in his ears.  He ignored it, just waited until it disappeared, and wished he could disappear right along with it.  He rolled over on his bed, surprised when he ran into something warm and body-like.  And it certainly didn’t feel like Justin.

Instantly he became awake and found himself face to face with a strange, yet incredibly hot, man.  Brian furrowed his brow, confused, and looked around.  He was surprised to find that he wasn’t in his own hotel room; instead it looked like he was in an apartment.  _‘It probably belongs to him.’_   Brian reasoned through his thick, muddled mind.

He rolled back onto his side and rubbed his face a little as the pain intensified.  Everything hurt.  He couldn’t remember how he got here, or what had happened; though he could imagine.  Suddenly his heart skipped a beat.  He could have done anything with this man…anything.

He sat up, though the sudden rush made his head scream in protest.  Still, he was determined.  He examined the area around the bed and found several used condoms discarded on the floor.  Relief flooded him.  At least he’d been safe.

The man suddenly groaned and started waking up himself.  Brian looked over at him and their eyes met.  He didn’t recognize him at all.  “Morning, Brian.”  The man said and Brian frowned a little.  He didn’t like that the man knew his name.

“Morning.”  He grumbled, but his voice was thick and slow.  He laid back down on the bed and closed his eyes again, relishing in the softness of the pillows beneath him.

Eager, the trick suddenly leaned over him and began kissing down his chest to his navel.  Brian, in a rare occurrence, pushed him away by his shoulders.  “Not now.”  He said firmly, not sure how many times he and this man had fucked, but he surely didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

He reached his mind back to the last thing he remembered, which was going to a bar and getting shit faced after Ed had revealed to him he was going to go with VanGard after all.  Even though that was the last thing he remembered, his body was telling him that it had been some time since that happened.  He frowned and looked over at the trick.

“What day is it?”  He asked gruffly.

“Monday.”  The trick answered simply.  “What a weekend.”  He added with a smirk.  “You were great.”  He finished in an awed tone.

Brian rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, I’ve been told.”  He muttered and then pushed himself up to stand.  He started searching for his clothes.  He had missed his flight and cursed himself for what he’d done.  He was broke, the last thing he needed was to blow all of his money on booze and drugs to forget his problems.  _‘You really need to find a cheaper coping mechanism.’_   He thought to himself, but doubted he would.  Nothing was ever as effective.

“You don’t have to go.”  The trick said, his accent thick.  “Why don’t you stay for breakfast.”

“I don’t do breakfast.”  Brian answered as he found his jeans and began pulling them on.  He found his cell phone and wallet inside, which he checked.  He wasn’t surprised to see there was no cash inside.  Normally, he would accuse the trick of stealing from him, but given his recent history, he knew he’d spent it all himself.

“Well, how about one last round then?  How long are you staying?  You can stay here.”  The trick sounded rather innocent and Brian looked back at him again.  With a clearer mind he realized the man was much younger than he thought.  Probably not much older than Justin.

“I’m flying back today.”  Was all he said; there wasn’t a need to be cruel and he doubted he could come up with any good remarks as his head was still spinning.

“Oh…too bad.”  The trick said, looking down at the bed.  He then suddenly pushed himself up and walked naked to Brian.  “How about a kiss goodbye then?”  He said and leaned up to do just that.

Instinctively Brian turned away.  He hadn’t kissed another man on the lips since he’d made his promise to Justin and he wasn’t about to start now.  “I don’t do that either.”  He said as he found his shirt and threw it on.

“You did last night.”  The trick smirked at him and then when Brian was stilled in surprise he stole a quick kiss.

Without another word Brian found his shoes, forwent looking for his socks, and left the apartment. He had kissed him?  He suddenly felt dirty.  Sure, he and Justin were on one of their ‘off’ stages, but he knew it would be ‘on’ again in the future – once he got himself back together – and he didn’t want to disappoint the blond.  He was berating himself all the way back to his hotel.

Once there he called the airline and rescheduled a flight back to Pittsburgh.  He left that night, defeated.

When he arrived back home he had nowhere to go, so he rented a room in the cheapest motel he could find and threw his clothes in the drawers of the crummy dresser in the room.  He didn’t care about hanging up his suits, as he would have no need for them. 

The next day he called up Michael, deciding he owed the man a call after having ignored his messages for the past few days.  When his best friend answered he immediately regretted calling him. 

“For fucks sake Brian!  Where the hell are you?  I’ve been calling you for days!  I thought you were dead.”  Michael practically shouted at him and Brian sighed and knew it was just something he was going to have to put up with.  Michael was Debbie’s son, that meant he meddled and worried.

“Motel 6.  Room 134.  Bring pot and food.”  Was all Brian said before hanging up.

Michael showed up not a half an hour later with one hand holding a bag of pot and the other a bag of Chinese takeout.  As they ate Brian filled him in on everything that happened in London, including the several days where he was blacked out.

“Brian, that sucks…But trying to drink your problems away isn’t going to work.”  Michael counseled and Brian resisted the urge to scoff and roll his eyes.  As if he needed life advice from a comic book store owner.

 _‘What are you talking about, Kinney?  At least he’s employed.  And fuck…his company is more successful than yours.’_   He thought to himself sadly.  He didn’t look down on Michael, but he had always felt as if he was the one who had his life together and Michael was the one with no direction or future.  It made him feel as if he had a purpose, to help take care of Michael.  That was one of the reasons he enjoyed having Justin at the loft – Justin was dependent on him.  Now neither of them needed him.  He had nothing to offer.

“Save the speech, Mikey.  I’m not going to do it again.”  Brian promised as he took a long drag of the joint and felt his body begin to relax for the first time in a week.  “Not like I could.  I blew most of my money trying to impress fucking Kingston.  I spent ten grand on that hotel room.  Not to mention the room service and bar tab…Shit.”  He shut his eyes tightly.  “Any money I have left won’t be spent on booze.”

“Good.”  Michael said carefully, as if he was afraid of making Brian snap at him.  “But I am sorry that he didn’t hire you.  I don’t know why he would think VanGard would be better than you.”

“Oh I don’t know…”  Brian started sarcastically.  “It might have to do with the fact that he’ll have a team of men working for him there.  Ad men, artists, Gardner, lawyers, accountants…I had to have Justin make my boards for me last minute, you know that?  Can’t keep asking him to do that, can’t even pay him.”  Brian murmured with a frown.

“Justin didn’t do it for money.  He did it because he believes in you.”  Michael told him and then grabbed a bite of the Chinese food.

“Well he shouldn’t.”  Brian muttered as he finished off the joint and rolled up another.

Michael didn’t know how to respond, so was silent for a moment.  Eventually, he decided he should just try to change the subject.  “So what are you going to do now?  You can’t stay here forever.”  He commented and glanced around at the cheap décor.  “As charming as it is.”  He added with a frown.

“Fuck if I know.”  Brian answered as he picked up his chop sticks and continued picking at the food.

Michael suddenly smiled a little, thinking he might be able to help Justin get Brian into the apartment.  “Well, you could stay with Ben and I.”  He offered and knew instantly how Brian would react.

The brunet scoffed and shook his head.  “I’d rather die than live in Homo Heaven.”  He commented as he took a long swig of water.  “I’d live in a cardboard box on the street first.”  He added.

Michael tried not to be offended and simply reminded himself that it was Brian’s way.  He dropped it for now, and simply enjoyed his time with Brian, glad to know that the man was safe.  When they finished eating, Michael took the boxes and discarded joints and threw them away outside.  He said goodbye to Brian, but as he got in his car he pulled out his cell phone and called Justin.

“Hey, he’s at motel 6.  Room 134.  Good luck.”  He said honestly and then drove home, where Ben was waiting for him.

* * *

Justin was nervous as he stood outside of Brian’s hotel room.  He knew that Brian was vulnerable and that often made him aggressive.  His gesture could be taken as an insult, or attack on his ability to take care of himself, when really all he wanted to do was show Brian that he loved him.  In his hand he held a manila folded and it shook lightly with his nerves.  He reached up and knocked on the door and took a deep breath to calm himself.

He didn’t hear any movement inside, and no one answered the door.  He checked the number to make sure he had the right one, and then knocked again.  There was still nothing.  He knocked again, this time calling out Brian’s name.

That got a reaction.

He heard the creak of a bed inside and the familiar stomp of Brian’s gait before the door pulled open.  “Justin?”  The brunet asked, confused.  “What the fuck do you want?”  He asked, purposefully aggressive.

“Can I come in?”  The blond asked simply.

Brian paused for a moment and then sighed and stepped aside to give Justin room to walk inside.  “Help yourself.”  He said and then shut the door behind the younger man.  He shut off the TV and sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Justin.  He felt lighter already.  He hated the way Justin made him feel – he really did.  It was too fucking good.

“I came to talk to you.  And give you a few things.”  He said and then handed over the manila folder.

Brian took it and flipped it open, surprised when he found their tuition contract inside with bold red letters written over it.  “Void?”  He asked, confused.

“I’m not going to go back to PIFA, so there’s really no point in it.”  Justin said with a shrug.  “Of course I’ll give you the money you’ve loaned me, with the interest we agreed upon.  But I don’t want you to have to worry about-.”

“Fuck you, you little shit.  I agreed to pay for it and I will.”  Brian said, immediately doing calculations in his head.  The money he had left over from his loft sale and failed business trip would be enough for one semester.  He didn’t really need a roof over his head anyways.

“Enough, Brian.  Can you just put aside your pride for five seconds and listen to me?”  Justin asked, looking down at him.  The serious frown on the blond’s face never failed to amuse Brian.  It always made him think of a child trying to reason with their parents.  He nodded and motioned for Justin to continue.

“Even if you were still working I wouldn’t want to go there.  I told you when we were both at VanGard.  I learned far more there than an entire semester at school; going there would only be a waste of time.  I don’t need a degree to be an artist – not the kind that I want to be.  And I don’t want to be stifled by anyone.”  He added as he moved to sit next to Brian.

“Fine.  So you’re dropping out.  What’re you going to do?”  Brian asked as he turned to face the younger man.

“I’ll paint when I can.  But I got another job serving at Peppino’s.  You know that place on Garden drive?”  Justin asked and waited for Brian’s nod.  He knew Brian knew it, of course, because he knew the man had taken clients there on occasion.  It was a high end place.  “So I’ll be serving at the diner in the morning, and there at night.”

“Doesn’t sound like you’ll have time to paint.  Why do you have to work so much anyway?”  Brian asked with a frown.  He didn’t like that Justin would have to sacrifice his dream just to work a crummy waiting job.  “Doesn’t Daphne pay her half?”

“Well, that’s the second thing I wanted to tell you.”  Justin said, reaching into the folder and pulling out a paper behind the voided contract.  Brian gazed over it, seeing it was a lease agreement.  “I got an apartment…for us.”  He added, clearly nervous.  Justin was looking down at the floor.

Brian glanced at him, and then back at the document.  He noticed that Justin had listed his name as one of the tenants.  He didn’t really know what to think.  Is this what he had become?  Dependent on his twenty year old lover?

“I know what it is I want, Brian.  I know how I feel; about you and us.  I didn’t really realize it before you yelled at me in the diner.  But I know now.  So I guess this is just my way of telling you it’s up to you what you want.”  Justin said, finally working up the courage to look Brian in the eyes.

When Brian didn’t answer, Justin stood and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

Brian closed his eyes and relished it – it felt so much better than that trick in London.  That was why he saved his lips for Justin.

“So I’ll be at home.  Just decide what it is you want.”  Justin said as he turned to leave the hotel room.  He paused at the door before leaving, however.  “This is for real.  I’m not asking you to make any compromises, no rules; just…us.”  Justin finished and then left the motel.

Brian remained sitting on the bed, looking down at the lease agreement in his hand.

He hated the way Justin made him feel.  He felt simultaneously happy and angry.  He felt warm and chilled.  He felt joy and rage.  He was always so torn and he never knew how to act.  But Justin knew what he wanted, finally.  And he did too.  As much as he hated the way Justin made him feel, he couldn’t imagine not feeling that way anymore.

He found his way to the apartment and was welcomed in with a glass of wine.  Justin took his suitcase, but they didn’t unpack it.  Instead, they silently stripped each other of their clothes and christened their new home.

Afterwards, as they lay together on their new bed, Justin turned over and looked at him in the moonlight.  "Hey."  The blond said softly, as if testing to see if he was still awake.

"What?"  Brian asked, shifting the pillow beneath him and wishing he had salvaged one of his own before selling the loft.

"Don't ever talk about me that way again."  Justin demanded and Brian stilled instantly.  He didn't need to ask what Justin was referring to; his diatrabe at the diner.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times but no words came out.  He wasn't one to apologize, but Justin had a point.  What he had said was cruel - even for him, and especially when he was talking about Justin.  He turned onto his side and face the younger man.  "I didn't mean it."  He assured, which was really the closest thing to an apology Justin should expect from him.

"I know."  Justin told him with a single nod.  "But don't do it again."  There was no request in Justin's tone - no leeway.  Brian was sure that if he did, he would suffer for it; probably lose Justin for good.  That wasn't something he was willing to let happen so he nodded and laid back.

After a few more moments of silence he closed his eyes.  "We good?"  He asked, simply, but inside he was nervous.  Justin had every right to be furious with him still.  Especially with such a lame apology.

"We're good."  The blond assured, and curled into him just as he had countless nights before.  Brian decided that, tonight, he wouldn't push Justin away.  Maybe...He'd stop pushing him away altogether.


	4. Chapter 4

**One Month Later.**

Brian woke to Justin rolling over on top of him.  He smiled a bit and ran his hand down the smooth expanse of Justin’s back and then firmly cupped the younger man’s plump ass.  He squeezed it greedily and smirked when Justin moaned as he woke as well.  Brian tilted his head back as Justin began sucking on his neck.

Justin moved down from his neck to his collarbone, then chest and navel.  Finally Justin came to a stop to hover over his cock.  He gave a teasing lick at the already hard length before slowly sliding his lips over the head.

Brian shut his eyes once more and moaned in pleasure as Justin’s expert mouth worked his cock.  He reached his hands down and trailed them through Justin’s hair, enjoying the feeling of the silky strands.  He gently pressed Justin closer as his climax approached.  When he came, he shot down Justin’s throat and was then licked clean.

He pulled Justin back up and they shared a deep, slow, penetrating kiss.  Brian tasted himself on Justin’s lips and tongue and it served to harden him once more.  “When do you have to get to the diner?”  He asked with his lips still pressed against the blond’s.

“Nn…too soon.”  Justin answered as he slid to the side and fell back onto the bed.  He was still pressed against Brian’s side and hooked one of his legs between Brian’s.  The brunet felt Justin’s hardened cock pressed against him.

“Well, we’ll just have to go quickly then.”  He said, reaching over to the nightstand and grabbing a condom and small tube of lube.  Justin smiled broadly at him and quickly rolled onto his stomach.  Brian kicked his leg over Justin and straddled the young man’s waist.  Justin squirmed under him just slightly and Brian playfully slapped his ass.  He then used some lube to prepare Justin before sliding on the condom and slipping inside.  As always, Justin was tight and hot and he grunted from the sheer pleasure of it.

He knew Justin really didn’t have much time before he had to report for work, so he made it good, but quick.  Efficient thrusts made Justin writhe and moan beneath him.  It was a perk of knowing Justin’s body better than he knew his own.  He knew exactly what he needed to do to get him off, just like he knew what he needed to do if he wanted to draw it out and torture the young man.   He didn’t even have to reach around to touch him; Justin came from his cock alone and he followed just after.

 He didn’t collapse on top of Justin, but did slowly lower himself so he was flush with the younger man’s back.  Justin moaned contently as he sunk into the cheap mattress and let out a small grunt of protest as Brian went to pull out.  That made the brunet smile a bit, but he continued to do so, holding the top of the condom so it didn’t slid off.

He then ran his hands up and down Justin’s back, giving him a firm and relaxing massage.  “You have a big day today?”  Brian asked as he rubbed circles on Justin’s shoulders.

“Mmhmm…”  Justin murmured, clearly relaxed.  “Lunch at the diner, dinner at Peppino’s.”  He explained in a groggy voice.

“You’ve been working a lot of double shifts lately.”  Brian commented with a frown.  He worried for Justin over the past month.  As he continued to struggle to make Kinnetik a reality, Justin supported the both of them by working practically 12 hours a day.  It did more than just bruise his ego.  He continually hated the fact that he had to rely on the young blond.

The last few weeks he had curbed his dream of getting large clients to come to him – thanks in most part to Ed Kingston – and instead had focused on small local businesses.  It didn’t bring in much money, but what he did get often went to paying for groceries or gas.  Justin made up his entire art department, and he paid for everything else.  The few hundred dollars Kinnetik brought in was enough to prevent Justin from having to work day and night - barely.

“Well, we need the money, Brian.”  Justin pointed out as he rolled over and looked up at the man.  Brian could see the cum on Justin’s stomach glisten as he shifted.

Brian suddenly frowned and moved off of the blond and towards the small bathroom attached to their room.  “Yeah, no need to remind me…”  He grumbled as he grabbed a towel and ran it under warm water.  He quickly washed himself down and then rang the towel out.  He wet it again and then walked back to the bed and wiped up Justin’s stomach.

Justin reached up and stroked his cheek and then ran his fingers through his hair.  “Hey…It’s fine.  Kinnetik is going to be great.  It’ll just take time.”  Justin promised with a tender smile.

“Yeah.”  Brian answered, but he didn’t sound as certain.  Instead, he just flashed Justin a smile and then grabbed the smaller hand caressing him and kissed his fingers.  “Babylon tonight?”  He asked suddenly, feeling self-conscious about what he’d just done, it was far too tender.

“Sure.”  Justin said as he sat up and moved off the bed to pull on a pair of boxers.  “Pick me up after my shift with a change of clothes.”  He said and then cocked his head to the door.  “Will you make some breakfast while I shower?”  Justin asked kindly.

Brian nodded as he pulled on a pair of his own boxers.  It was a common ritual now, since Justin was so busy and he had time to spare.  “What do you want?”  He asked as he walked to the door.

“Anything.  The usual.”  Justin answered before ducking into the bathroom and starting the shower.  Brian nodded none the less and turned to walk down the small hallway of the one bedroom apartment into the kitchen.

He brought out some pans and began making some scrambled eggs for the younger man.  He toasted some bread and buttered Justin’s, keeping his own plain.  By the time the eggs were done cooking he heard the shower shut off so he plated their food and set it on the small table next to the kitchen.  Justin emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later, dressed, with his hair slightly damp from the shower.  Brian reached out and playfully shook up Justin’s wet strands before placing his plate in front of him.  Silently, Brian sat across from him and they ate.  They played footsie as they did so, Justin smiling broadly the whole time while Brian looked at him more indulgently.  When they finished, Brian took a quick shower before dressing and driving to the diner.

“So what’re you going to do today?”  Justin asked as he leaned back in the chair.

Brian shrugged a bit and casually steered the car with one hand while the other rubbed up and down Justin’s thigh.  “Putting out more inquires.  A lot of my old client’s contracts are going to expire soon.”  He explained as he let his hand rest curved on the inside of the blond’s thigh, then he playfully rubbed up Justin’s cock.

Justin spread his legs in the seat and let Brian touch him.  “I hope it works out.”  He said honestly, his voice sounding thick with lust.

Brian did too, but he didn’t say anything else.  He had Justin panting and thrusting his hips up and down by the time he pulled up to the diner.  He let go and turned off the car, withholding a smirk as Justin whimpered in protest.  He leaned over and gently bit Justin’s ear.  “You don’t honestly think I’d let you go to work like that, do you?”  He whispered before swiftly getting out of the car.

Justin followed, practically jumping from the car, and the two booked it to the diner’s bathroom.  Brian left him five minutes later, satisfied and ready to work.  He left smiling, but as soon as he slid back into the ‘vette it faded.  He remained there for a short time, watching Justin through the window as he put on his apron and started working.

All month Justin had been working double shifts in order to pay all their bills.  Brian managed to bring in a measly sum, but it covered next to nothing.  It was a bitter pill to swallow, depending on his twenty year old lover.  One of the things he had always enjoyed was taking care of Justin – now he couldn’t.  He sat there, watching Justin work and wear a tired smile, for a few more minutes.  He was interrupted by the ringing of his cellphone.  He reached into his pocket to pull it out and got a little concerned when he saw it was Lindsay calling.  Worried for Gus, he instantly answered.  “Hello?”

“Oh Brian, I’m so glad I caught you.  The daycare is closed because one of the nanny’s got sick and Melanie’s stuck at the office.  I need you to watch Gus for a few hours.”  Lindsay cut right to the chase.

As his heart began beating at a normal pace, Brian turned on the car and started driving to her house.  “Sure, I’m already out.  I’ll be right there.”  He said and then after a heartfelt thank you from his old friend, he hung up.  He supposed contacting his old clients would have to wait.

* * *

“I really appreciate this, Brian.”  Lindsay said as she ushered Brian into her home.

“Yeah.  Whatever.  Where is my little Sonnyboy?”  He asked, scanning the living room as he walked in, surprised the child wasn’t already dive bombing him for a hug.  Gus was always so excited to see him, and though he reigned in his emotions, he enjoyed spending time with his son as well.

“Well he’s taking a nap right now, but he should be up and about in a half hour.”  She explained as she began grabbing her things.  “Call me on my cell if you need anything, but I’ll be in meetings.  If it’s an emergency call Mel.”

“Lindz…”  Brian started, but was cut off.

“Oh and don’t forget the car seat if you need to take him anywhere.”

“Lindz.”  He tried again, this time more firmly, but she cut him off again.

“And no sweets.  He’s at that age where sugar just turns him into a little monster and I don’t want to be dealing with that tonight.”

“Lindz!”  He shouted this time and finally managed to quiet her.  “I got it.  I know how to take care of my own kid.  Now just go.”  He said, gently pushing her towards the door.

“I know.  I just worry.”  Lindsay lightly patted his shoulder and then kissed his cheek.  “I’ll be back later tonight.”

“See ya.”  Brian waved and then shut the door behind her.  He stood in the foyer for a moment before kicking off his shoes and walking to the living room.  He crashed down on the sofa and leaned his head back on the rest and looked up at the ceiling.  Kicking his feet up on the coffee table, he scanned the room.

Even though he’d been in there countless times he’d never taken the time to really look around.  Scanning the walls he saw pieces of art by Lindsay and Justin – one was decidedly better than the other.  He smirked, proud of his talented lover, but then stood and examined one of the pieces hanging up.  It was a drawing of him and Gus that he’d never seen before, which was odd, because Justin always showed him every sketch or painting he did.

Then, looking at the bottom corner, he realized why.  Justin dated his sketches as well as signed them, and this one had been done when the blond was still off with Ethan.  _‘Interesting…’_   Brian thought as he looked at the picture.  Brian saw the way Justin felt about him in his drawings – and this one was no different.  He had always suspected that the only reason Justin had been with Ethan was to have a break from their unconventional and somewhat bumpy relationship but had every intention to return.  Looking at this picture he had his suspicions confirmed.  It was...reassuring.

He reached out and touched the glass covering Gus’ face and smiled a bit.  That was when he heard the cry of the little boy from upstairs.  _‘And so it begins.’_

* * *

That evening, Brian was feeding Gus some dinner when Lindsay returned.  They both glanced up at the same time and smiled as she walked in.  “Sorry I took longer than expected.”  Lindsay said and then scooped Gus up into her arms as he was reaching for her.

“Mommy!”  The little boy exclaimed and then curled into her.

“It’s fine.”  Brian said nonchalantly.  “I called Justin and he got a ride from the diner to his other job.”  Brian commented, and then instantly regretted it when he saw a shadow pass over Lindsay’s features.

“Well…”  She said softly as she set Gus down.  “I really do appreciate it.  Here’s for the trouble.”  She said, handing out a check.

Brian looked down at it with a scowl, and then back up at her.  “You’re going to pay me for looking after my own son?”  He asked, his tone becoming stiff and icy.

“Well, I was later than I thought and I would pay any babysitter-.”

“Except I’m his father.”  Brian said, standing from the table and starting to get his things.  Lindsay still held it out.

“Just take it Brian.  Use it for groceries or-.”

“I don’t need your money.”  Brian insisted as he sat on the stairs so he could put on his shoes.

“Justin is working double shifts every day.  I’m sure it’ll help.”  She said, once more holding out the money.

“Justin is fine.”  Brian said before kneeling in front of Gus and giving him a hug.  “Later, Sonnyboy.”  He promised and then flashed Lindsay a look of disapproval before storming out of the house.

Brian sped all the way to the apartment because of how frustrated he was.  He gripped the steering wheel and grumbled about how manipulative and cruel Lindsay was.  _‘I don’t need her money.  I don’t need anyone’s money.  I already took one hand out and I’m not taking another.’_   He told himself as he strode into his home.

_‘Except Justin’s.’_   A small, vindictive, part of his mind sneered at him.  _‘Some man you are, relying on someone twelve years younger than you.’_

He scowled and reached into their liquor cabinet, decidedly smaller than the one he had at the loft.  He poured himself a cheap glass of vodka because they could no longer afford anything of quality.  After the shot he felt himself calm a little and closed his eyes.

Then, figuring he still had time, he went to the computer and started looking up some of his old clients and reached out to them.

It was nearly eleven and he was watching a dvd on the laptop when he heard Justin’s key jingle in the lock.  It was at that moment he remembered he was supposed to pick Justin up from work.  He barely glanced up as the blond came in, dressed in his uniform, and carrying two arm-fulls of groceries.  He didn’t stand to help as Justin placed the bags on the counter and started putting the food away.  All he could think about was all the money Justin spent so _he_ could eat.

“Hey, how was the day with Gus?”  Justin asked, bent over with his face in the fridge as he made room for everything.

“Fine.”  Brian answered, his voice tight.  He watched Justin tense.  So the blond picked up on his attitude, he wasn’t surprised.  Justin always knew what he was thinking.

“Good.”  Justin answered, closing the fridge to put some food in the cupboards.  “Mind giving me a hand with this?”  He asked, motioning to the bags.

Brian huffed and stood, yanking a bag open and handing Justin some boxes of cereal.  “Yes dear.”  He said mockingly.  Justin just rolled his eyes and their finished their task in silence.

When they were finished, Justin reached out, put a hand on his shoulder, and tried to start giving him a massage.  However, Brian was in no mood and quickly pulled away.  “Babylon?”  He reminded instead.

He could see that Justin wanted to say no, but it seemed that he either remembered he'd already agreed to it this morning, or wanted to please him so instead he nodded.  “I’ll just go change.”  He said, and then brushed by Brian.  The brunet turned to watch him go before following after, knowing he had to get dressed as well.

When they got there, Brian had to withhold a sigh of frustration as Justin paid the door fee and for their drinks.  After Lindsay had mentioned how hard Justin was working for his money it was making him feel inferior.  Each time it dug a little deeper.  He snapped his head back as the hard liquor stung down his throat but it did nothing to ease the bitterness that was growing inside him.

He left Justin at the bar and immediately went to the dance floor.  He didn’t look back at the blond, but he could only imagine the look on his face; he didn’t care.  He needed something Justin couldn’t give him – something he didn’t want to take from him.  It wasn’t long before a man was dancing up next to him and he let his mind go blank in the heat of the dance.

He and the trick danced together for several songs before Brian decided he was ready to move on, which meant going into the backroom to fuck him.  He led the built man through the crowd and into the familiar room.  Once finding an empty corner, Brian motioned down to his cock, inviting the man to suck him off.  The trick didn’t hesitate to kneel and pull his hardened length from his pants.

As the man worked his cock, he leaned his head back against the wall and tried to force himself not to think about what had happened with Lindsay earlier.  It was hard as he knew Justin was outside, probably still at the bar, buying himself more drinks.  It only served to frustrate him more as those thoughts were why he wanted to trick in the first place.

Still, he managed to come, and shot down the guy’s throat.  He figured if he really wanted to clear his mind he’d have to find a hotter guy, so he abandoned any ideas of fucking this one.  Instead, he just zipped himself up and flashed an appreciate smirk at the trick before moving along.  He wasn’t surprised when a hand on his arm stopped him.  He turned back, looking apologetic, ready to tell him that he didn’t do repeats, but a serious expression on the man’s face disturbed him and made him remain silent.

“Just thought you’d like to know…I’m a doctor.  And I felt a lump on your left testicle.  Might want to get it checked out.”  He said before slipping past Brian and back onto the dance floor.

Brian remained stunned and immobile.  _‘A lump?’_   He thought blankly, not really registering what that could mean.  Was it an STD?  Or something worse?

And just like that his money problems didn’t seem so big anymore.

He walked back out to the bar and spotted Justin still leaning against it. But now there was a man leaning up next to him, his lips whispering in Justin’s ear.  He had always found it arousing watching Justin fuck other guys; it gave him a rush.  But something angry twisted inside of him when Justin suddenly started laughing and smiled up at that stranger. 

Then, for some reason, Justin turned and looked over at him.  Brian relaxed because Justin’s smile grew and glowed in the way it only did for him.  Brian felt himself lighten a bit and he walked over to the younger man who was now ignoring the trick.  “Hey.”  Brian said as he walked up to him.

“Hey.”  Justin answered and lightly kissed his lips.  Brian could see the question in Justin’s eyes.  What had he been angry about?  Was he still upset?  Was it something he did?  But he also knew Justin would never ask any of those questions.

Deciding to reassure the blond, he reached an arm around the slim waist and pulled him close as he kissed him thoroughly.  He explored Justin’s mouth with his tongue and held the blond in place at his waist and by the back of his head.  Distantly, he wondered if this was his way of staking a claim, but he brushed it off because he didn’t want to know what that meant.

After a good minute, he backed off and smirked as he left Justin panting and slightly dazed.  “C’mon.”  He said, moving towards the dance floor.  He looped his arms around Justin’s neck and swayed with his young lover.

In the back of the mind he tried to force himself to forget what the trick said.  Justin already worked double shifts every day and they were barely getting by.  They didn’t have the money for him to go to a doctor to get checked out.

* * *

The next few weeks went by much the same for the pair.  Summer started turning into fall and a light chill began to pervade the air.  That meant one thing for the lovers; a higher heating bill.  The apartment lost heat easily, so they were constantly having to turn on the heater.  As a result, Justin had to work even more often as Brian continued to struggle to make Kinnetik a reality.  Now, several months into the endeavor, he was about ready to call it quits.

After reaching out to all his old clients whose contracts ran up with VanGard and receiving nothing but more rejection, he didn’t know what else to do.  Kinnetik was even further away now than before.  The bitterness he felt earlier continued to come in waves, particularly whenever one of their meddling family members mentioned how hard Justin was working to support the both of them; as if he didn’t already know – as if it didn’t kill him inside to see Justin stumble in late at night, exhausted from working three shifts a day.

Currently, Justin was practically asleep on his shoulder as they sat at Debbie’s table for Sunday dinner.  Justin was apathetically pushing his food around the plate and looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.  Brian simply kept his hand on knee, rubbing and down his thigh occasionally to try and keep him awake.

Conversation flowed around them, and though Brian made the occasional comment, Justin was silent.  He had barely had time to join them for dinner at all, as he had just finished his lunch shift and had to go to his dinner shift at Peppino’s just two hours later.

Justin suddenly snapped his head up, however, when Debbie called to him.  “Sunshine!  You’ve barely eaten a bite!  Where is that teenager that ate half my fridge?”  She asked playfully, but then scooped another serving of mashed potatoes on his plate.

“Really Debbie, I’m fine.  I’m just not that hungry.  I ate some at work.”  Justin said, but Brian knew instantly it was a lie.  Justin had been getting thinner and thinner.

Brian glanced at him with a frown, but said nothing.  Debbie shot Brian a look, and then the conversation continued on.  When the time came for Justin to leave, he patted Brian on the arm and asked for the car keys before bidding farewell to the rest of the family.  It took all of five seconds for the rest of the family to look over at him accusingly.

“Brian how can you-.”

“Are you blind, Brian?”

“He’s thin as a rail!  How much is he-?”

“He barely even ate anything!  And don’t think I believe that he ate at work!  He never eats at the diner anymore.  Says he’s sick of the food.”  Debbie over powered everyone else and her scowl was the worst.  Brian just sighed and sunk into his seat.

The trouble was, he agreed with them.  Justin was working far too much – but he didn’t know how to help.

“He’s going to get sick, Brian.”  Michael added, sincere worry in his voice.  “You remember when Ma collapsed from exhaustion?  Well Justin looks like he could fall at any minute.”  Michael glanced to Ben who nodded in agreement.

“I know, ok?!”  Brian shouted at them defensively.  “I fucking live with him!  You don’t think I know?”  He asked and brusquely pushed away from the table and paced in the kitchen.

“Then do something about it.”  Melanie said, crossing her arms over her chest.  “He’s already been in one coma.  Do you want him to be in another?”

Brian stilled and looked over at her.  “Don’t.”  He warned her, his voice chillingly low.  He had tried to push all those horrible nights from his mind.

It didn’t work.

He thought about pacing outside Justin’s room, hoping, even praying, that he would wake up.  He made bargains with a god he didn’t even believe in; he promised just about anything if Justin would just wake up and be ok. 

Then, thinking about Justin’s time in the hospital made him recall what that trick had told him about the lump on his testicle.  “Just stay out of it.”  Brian snapped and then looked at Michael.  “Give me a ride home.”  He said and then strode outside.

Michael and Ben followed a few moments later, each eying him with concern.  Brian sat in the back of their new car and felt all of his bitterness towards Justin finally disappear.  All he had left was concern, for the both of them.  Justin couldn’t keep up at the pace he was going, and Brian could only guess what was wrong with him.

What a pair they made.

“Hey…stop by Justin’s work.”  He said suddenly, and Michael nodded then changed directions.  When they arrived, Brian got out of the car and walked into the restaurant, scanning the tables for Justin.  The hostess greeted him with familiarity, as Brian had been by many times, either to pick Justin up or drop him off. 

Brian nodded to her, but then spotted Justin in one of the far sections.  Brian felt his heart grow heavy as he saw Justin’s uniform practically swallowed him, his eyes were sunk in, and his cheeks were hollow.  _‘God, Sunshine.  What’s going to happen to us?’_   He thought sadly.

Justin noticed him and quickly finished up with his table before walking back to the front and looking at Brian confused.  “Is everything ok?”  He asked as he walked up.

Brian ran his hands up and down Justin’s arms and then bent to kiss him tenderly on the lips.  Justin chuckled against him, but kissed him back.  Brian ran his fingers through Justin’s hair and cupped his hands gently on Justin’s neck.  When he bent back Justin was smiling up at him.  “What was that for?”  Justin asked, glancing around to the people looking at them.

“What reason do I need?  We’re partners, right?”  Brian asked and saw a pleased but somewhat confused look cross over Justin’s features.  Brian knew he was acting strange, but Justin deserved some kind of recognition for everything he’d done over the past few months.

“Yeah…I guess.”  Justin said softly and then blushed as Brian reached up and brushed a finger against his cheek.

“See you tonight, ok?”  He said and then bent to peck the tip of Justin’s nose.  Justin nodded and smiled up at Brian again.  The way he did it made Brian’s heart skip a beat.  It was the same, brilliant smile Justin had given him as he walked away on the night of his prom.  _‘God…’_   Brian thought as he watched Justin turn and go back to work.   _'He's so beautiful.'_  

He stood there for a moment, feeling his mind being torn in so many ways.  Owning his own company had been his dream…But he supposed some things were more important; or maybe someone.

* * *

After Michael had dropped him off at his apartment Brian went to work cleaning as much of it as he possibly could, so that it was pristine when Justin arrived later that night.  He already kept the apartment pretty tidy, as he was a naturally clean person and had plenty of time on his hands, but he didn’t want Justin to see a single piece of trash. 

Justin was closing, so he didn’t get home until after midnight, but Brian was waiting for him when he was.  He was laying back on the bed, naked, and as soon as Justin walked in he spread open his legs and smirked.  Justin smiled at him and quickly stripped.  He crawled onto the bed and Brian shifted them so he was on top, hovering over him.

Without saying anything, he kissed Justin and began gently running his hands up and down his sides.  As they kissed, Justin began talking.  “I have work at six….”  He murmured even as he arched up into Brian’s touch.

“Shhh…I know.”  Brian murmured as he continued to stroke Justin’s body.  He felt as well as saw Justin relax deeper into their bed.  He straddled over his hips and pressed a few kisses to Justin’s collarbone and then dipped his tongue into the hollow of his neck.  Justin sighed from pleasure and relaxation and closed his eyes as Brian continued to caress him.

After a few moments of rubbing his chest and arms, Brian moved Justin over onto his stomach.  Justin squirmed until he was comfortable.  Brian continued rubbing down his back and shoulder blades and listened as Justin’s breathing deepen.  He only stopped once Justin’s breath evened out and his body went loose.  Brian moved off of him and laid beside him, watching him sleep.

He watched as Justin rolled closer to him and suddenly latched onto him.  Brian didn’t move away as he normally would.  Instead, he looped an arm around the slim body and held him close.

_‘What a pair we make.  Justin’s going to work himself to death and my body is killing me from the inside out.’_   He thought as he kissed the top of Justin’s head.  He then leaned his head back and went to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Brian woke to Justin slipping out of the bed.  He reached out and gently took the younger man’s arm, pulling him back down.  “Hey.”  He greeted, his voice thick and gruff from only a few hours of sleep.

“Hey.”  Justin whispered, his voice naturally low in the early morning.  “I was trying not wake you up.”  He finished and Brian shrugged it off as he rubbed his eyes.

“No, it’s fine.  I wanted to talk to you.”  Brian said and the strange words made Justin pause and look at him with concern.

“What about?”  The blond asked as he shifted to lay up on his elbow.

Brian reached up and twirled his fingers through the soft silky locks of blond hair.  He smiled softly and then sighed.  “I’m going to look for other jobs.  Stop focusing so much on trying to make Kinnetik work.”  He informed and couldn’t help the painful smile from tugging at his lips.  It was hard, finally admitting aloud that he was failing.

Justin frowned and instantly shook his head.  He took Brian’s hand and held it down between them.  “No.  You don’t need to do that.  Kinnetik will work out, I’m sure of it.”  He said confidently.

Brian just shook his head.  “It’s not.  At least not now.”  Brian insisted, and then reached the tip of his fingers up to the sunken in bags below Justin's eyes.  “It’s too much.”

Justin suddenly looked sad and closed his eyes.  He then moved his head to kiss the tips of Brian’s fingers.  “I’m fine, Brian.”  He murmured softly.  “Really.”  He opened up his eyes and laid back, curling in closer to the older man.  “I want you to keep working on Kinnetik.”

“No, I need to help start paying the bills.  We’re partners, Justin.  And I can’t just live off of you.”  Brian insisted, laying on his back and running his hands up and down Justin’s side.  He could feel the bumps of his ribs.

“Oh you mean like I did?”  Justin asked, not aggressively, but to prove his point.

“It’s different.”  Brian insisted.

“How?”

“I’m not seventeen.”

Justin sighed and Brian could feel the puff of air against his side.  “So?”  He asked, tilting his head up to look at Brian.  “What’s so bad about me taking care of things for a while?”

“Well for one you’re working three shifts a day.  You’re losing weight; you’re beginning to look like a skeleton.  And another thing - relying on _you_ makes me feel an inch big.”  Brian muttered and immediately felt Justin stiffen next to him.

“Relying on _me_?”  Justin asked, slowly lifting himself up to look down at Brian.  “Because it’s wrong to rely on me?”

“I didn’t mean it like that…”  Brian began, but knew it was already too late.

“Then how did you mean it?”

“Just that I’m the one who takes care of you.  Not the other way around.”  Brian insisted, but could tell that it didn’t help.  Justin was fully sitting up and even in the gray morning light Brian could tell that he was frowning.

Justin was silent for a moment and then stood with a heavy sigh.  He began collecting his work clothes and looked as if he was going to storm out of the room but then drew short and looked down at Brian.  “You know…if you don’t understand why I work so hard for this, then we aren’t really partners.”  Justin spun out of the room and into the bathroom, leaving Brian alone and speechless.

He laid back in the bed and looked out the window at the dark morning.  The sun was still an hour from really rising as Justin had to wake so early for the opening shift at the diner.  He heard the shower running and just shook his head.  His little declaration hadn’t gone as well as he had planned.  He had expected Justin to welcome the reprieve; to be glad that he’d no longer be the only one bringing in money.

Instead he stomped off in a huff.

Brian ran a hand through his hair and frowned.   He didn’t understand why Justin had got so upset.  The boy had stormed off as if he was seventeen all over again.  Except, instead of affectionate annoyance, he felt as if maybe Justin had a leg to stand on.  He just didn’t understand why he felt that way. 

Justin had said it had to do with them being partners.  Honestly, to Brian, it was just a word; a word that he knew made Justin happy.  It wasn’t a guarantee or promise of anything – either one of them could end whatever it was they had.  Granted, from past experience, it was going to be Justin if it was either of them.  After all, he was perfectly happy with things the way they were before.

But if Justin wanted them to be partners he supposed there were worse things…

He supposed if he wanted to figure out why Justin was upset, he’d have to think just like him.  Justin was a romantic at heart – he always figured it had to do with the artist in him.  To him, being partners meant…

“Being equals.”  Brian spoke aloud as the thought finally occurred to him.

Justin had always insisted they be equals.  He even made them write up that ridiculous contract in order for him to pay back his tuition, as if Brian had any intention of letting that happen.  But maybe that was the problem.  Just like how he had problems with being taken care of, so did Justin.  He didn’t want to be a burden, he didn’t want to have to rely on someone because that just made it so much easier for them to leave you.

Justin was so determined to make them equals because he wanted to make sure Brian didn’t leave him.

_‘No…’_   He suddenly thought, realizing he was thinking too much like himself.  That was why he always took care of everyone; Justin, Michael, Debbie, Lindsay…If he gave them enough they would need him and couldn’t leave him.  But Justin wasn’t like him.

Justin was romantic.

Justin…Justin loved him.

Being partners was important to Justin because it showed him that he loved him.  Justin had stopped saying it some time ago – due to Brian’s request – but that didn’t mean that he just stopped loving him.  But before now, Brian had never believed him.  He had always just assumed it was Justin’s age, or romantic tendencies that made the blond believe he loved him.

_‘Yeah and working himself to death is just part of his romantic tendencies.’_   Brian thought with a sad roll of his eyes.

He glanced to the bathroom door and felt something odd stir inside of him.

Justin truly loved him.  Justin believed in him.  Justin wanted him to succeed and was willing to work as hard as necessary to make that happen.

_‘Talk about life changing revelations…’_   Brian thought as he sat up on the bed and tried to shake off the strange emotions beginning to grow.

No one had ever done for him what Justin was doing.  No one had sacrificed so much simply because they wanted to help him.  Everyone had ulterior motives.  Everyone wanted something.  Except Justin…

And he’d just stuck his foot in his mouth.

He slid from the bed and walked to the bathroom.  He tried the handle, surprised to find it unlocked.  Once he slipped inside he looked to the foggy shower stall.  He opened up the door and surprised Justin with a gust of cold air.  The blond turned and looked at him surprised.

Brian stepped up over the tub lid and into the cramped shower stall.  He didn’t say anything – he still wasn’t sure what it was he felt for his young lover, all he knew was he felt a lot of it.

Justin looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, as if silently asking him what he had to say for himself.  Brian just placed his hands on Justin’s wet shoulders and bent in to kiss him.  But before their lips met he pulled up short.  He looked into the sharp blue eyes and asked for permission.  Justin leaned up and pressed their lips together.

They never needed words – their bodies always spoke well enough to understand each other.                                       


	5. Chapter 5

“Do you have any experience with customer service?”

“I spent the last ten years working as an advertising executive.  One of my primary duties was to make sure my client got the best service possible.”

“How about any experience in the food industry?”

“I eat out a lot.”

That earned Brian a smile.  “Heh, if only it was that simple.”  The manager leaned back in the booth and looked at Brian evenly.  “There’s a lot more to being a waiter than carrying food.”

Brian felt this take a turn for the worse and knew he had to begin closing the deal or else he’d lose out.  He never thought that one of the most important pitches of his life would be for himself.  “Look, you need a waiter, I’m available for work.  I can work whatever shifts you want.”

“That’s not the only issue.  How can I be sure you can handle the rush?  You’ll have to be doing multiple tasks at the same time.  I never hire anyone without any serving experience.”  The manager asked with a raised eyebrow.

Brian paused for a moment before leaning back comfortably to exert confidence.  “…Justin vouched for me.”

“You mean your boyfriend?”  The manager clarified, subtly pointing out that obviously Justin would vouch for him.

“Partner.”  Brian corrected firmly.  After realizing how much that word meant to Justin, he thought everyone deserved to know.

“Even still.”

“You trust him, don’t you?”  Brian asked as he laced his fingers together and placed them before him.  “He’s one of your top performing waiters.  Has a lot of regulars, his add-ons are the best in the restaurant.”  Brian pointed out and then smirked a little bit.  “Who do you think taught him to sell like that?  I was an ad-man, Roger.  I can bring in plenty of sales for you.”  Brian promised and watched Roger shift.

He’d spent years reading people, and he knew that shift was a good sign.  “Well, I do have openings that need filling.  But you have to perform, Kinney.  There’s no room for leeway here.  Normally any server I hire would have years of experience; I won’t give you special treatment while you catch up.”  He spoke firmly, but Brian didn’t care about the threat.  He was in.

“Thank you.”  He said with a smile as he stood and shook the man’s hand.  “You won’t regret this, I promise.”

Brian was given an employee handbook, as well as the menu to memorize.  As he drove home to tell Justin the good news he felt as if he should be happy, but he had mixed feelings.  He knew getting the job was going to be important for their finances, but he was definitely taking a step back.  _‘Think about Justin.’_   He reminded himself and immediately an image of Justin’s thin, haggard body came to mind.  _‘You can’t let him work himself to death for you.’_

Brian gripped the steering wheel and looked down at the menu, sitting atop the pile of papers.  He’d just have to swallow his pride in order to make sure they stay in one piece.  He pulled the pile of papers from the car after coming to a stop and then took a deep breath.  Walking inside the apartment he was surprised to find Justin was awake – he usually napped between shifts as he never got enough sleep at night.

The blond was at the couch, sketching.  The image immediately reminded Brian of the countless nights he’d walk into the loft and find Justin in the same exact position.  Head cocked to the side, tongue poking out of the corner of his lips, brow furrowed in concentration, hand gliding gracefully over the blank page – poised to make a masterpiece.

His heart gave a deep pang at the nostalgic image and he swiftly shook it from his mind.  At least Justin was still drawing.  Brian walked up and ran his hands over Justin’s shoulders as a greeting, making the blond jump.  Brian smirked, always amused when he got so into his work that he couldn’t keep track of what was happening around him.  It was one of the reasons Brian was determined to make sure Justin pursued his art.

“Shit, you scared me.”  Justin said, but then tilted his head back to look up at Brian.  Brian bent and captured his lips in a swift kiss.

“You were off in your own world, Picasso.”  He answered as he stood back up. He flashed the pile of documents and Justin immediately set his things aside.

“You got the job?”  He asked and Brian nodded, moving around the couch to come and plop next to his young lover.

“You’re manager couldn’t resist my sales pitch.”  Brian informed and looked down in his lap.  “I’ll be working the same shifts as you.  He did it so we could come in together, share a ride.”

“That was nice of him.”  Justin commented as he flipped his sketchbook shut and twisted so he was facing Brian.  “I already told Deb I’d be cutting back on hours at the diner.”

“I bet she was fucking ecstatic.”  Brian said honestly.  Debbie had been one of the most concerned about Justin’s health.  She’d been hounding him for weeks to do something about it.

Justin chuckled and nodded.  “I think I might still have lipstick on me.”  He said and brushed his cheek for effect.  Brian made a show of inspect him, giving him a fat kiss of his own on his cheek when he saw nothing.  Justin just laughed and Brian felt himself smile in response.

When they died down naturally Brian’s smile faded and he gave Justin a serious look.  “Hey.”  He said and the blond sensed the change in tone and matched his demeanor.  “This waiting tables thing…it isn’t easy for me.”  Brian said, looking away from Justin’s too intense eyes.  “It is a big step back and I…It’s just hard, ok?”  Brian ran a hand through his hair as divulging more started to get harder and harder.

“It’s different for you because you’re young.  You’re still in school – well, kinda.  But me…I’ve had a career and have had to resort to this.”  Brian let his hands flop uselessly onto his lap.  “What my point is, is that, I don’t want anyone to know about this.  I don’t know what you told Debbie – and if you did that’s fine – I just…want as few of our friends as possible knowing.  Especially Emmett.  If he finds out, all of Liberty Ave. will know and my reputation will be shot to hell.”  Brian finished with a pathetic chuckle.

Justin remained silent for a moment, but then scooted over on the couch so he and Brian were touching.  Brian was still looking down, but Justin placed his hand on the rough cheek and moved it gently so they were looking into each other’s eyes.  He said nothing; he simply placed a kiss on Brian’s lips as a promise.  Relieved, Brian smiled and squeezed Justin’s knee.

They remained there for a moment, looking at each other, before Brian pressed back on Justin’s shoulder and laid him out on the couch with a feral grin.  Justin squirmed playfully beneath him, and Brian made quick work of his clothes.

* * *

** The Next Night. **

Justin took in a deep breath as he skillfully tied his apron around his waist and then turned and looked as Brian struggled with his arms behind his back.  He smiled a little and adjusted his sleek, black clothes before stepping behind the man.  “Here, let me.”  Justin said, tying the strings securely on Brian’s hips.  He patted Brian’s ass once when he was finished   “There.”  He said and turned the man around.  “Ready?”  He asked, leaning up and capturing Brian’s lips.  They were secluded, having changed in the locker room in the back of the restaurant.

“I guess.”  Brian sounded less than enthused, but Justin was determined to make this as painless for his lover as possible. 

“Don’t worry.  It’s a slow night.  You’ll just be following me and I’ll be showing you where everything is, stuff like that.”  Justin promised as he patted Brian’s shoulder.  He pulled out a spare server pad he had grabbed before they came back there.  “In case you want to take notes.  And I want you to copy the orders that I take, to give you practice.”  Justin explained and ignored the scowl on Brian’s face.  He knew this was going to be hard for his older lover.  Brian was a leader, not a follower.  He didn’t like taking orders, especially from his much, _much_ , younger lover.

Brian grabbed it swiftly and stuck it into a pocket of the apron.  He then dramatically waved his hand, motioning for Justin to lead the way.  Justin bit the inside of his lip, hoping they could both survive the night in one piece.

He walked outside to the kitchen line and pointed to the three different windows.  Food was being put on them and the other servers were scooping up the plates and carrying them out.  “The cooks will put food up here.  This one is for appetizers.  The next one is for salads and cold sandwiches. The last one is for grilled meat and sides.”  Justin explained swiftly and then turned.  “Get your drinks here.  The bar has two sides.  Customers are out there, but the bartenders will put our drinks in this window here.”  Justin explained before moving on.

He knew Brian was smart and didn’t need to be explained every little thing, but he figured he’d rather be safe than sorry.  “And this…”  He paused in front of the computer.  “Is the POS.”  Justin explained and then typed in his code to bring up the screen.

Brian chuckled a bit and folded his arms.  “It does look like a piece of shit.”  He commented.

Justin laughed a bit but shook his head.  “No, no.  Point of Sale.  We ring in all the orders here and the computer will automatically send them to the right window.  No spin wheel like at the diner.  It’s much more effective.”  He explained and then motioned for them to move on.  “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to use it later.”  Justin promised and ignored Brian’s sarcastic smile.

“Oh goodie.”  The brunet muttered.

Justin paused for a moment and then looked back at the line.  “Why don’t we just start with balancing plates?  I don’t have tables to greet yet, and probably won’t for a while.”  Justin grabbed some empty plates and balanced four of them up one arm and held one more in the other.  Brian’s eyebrows rose up, legitimately impressed, before reaching out and grabbing a few plates.  He managed to get two on his arm, but before he could put a third one arm, his arm quivered and they started to topple.

Justin swiftly put his plates back on the rack and reached out to grab them.  “Not bad.”  Justin said placating.  He adjusted Brian’s hold a little before holding out another plate.  “Try that.”  He said and Brian grabbed the third plate to balance on his arm.

They toppled immediately and Justin cringed as one of them shattered.  “Ummm…Why don’t you just carry two for now.”  He suggested as he put the two intact plates in the bus tub beneath the line.  He then swiftly grabbed a broom and cleaned up Brian’s mess – which he did often enough anyways that he didn’t care.

“Whatever.”  Brian murmured and wiped his hands clean and then put them on his hips.  Justin rolled his lips into his mouth, trying to withhold his frustration.   He swiftly ran a hand through his hair and then forced a smile.  He grabbed Brian’s arm and began tugging him along.

“Come on.”

* * *

By the end of the shift Justin thought he might literally strangle Brian.  The man had been purposefully argumentative and unhelpful.  He hadn’t lifted a finger all night and made no effort to take any of Justin’s advice seriously.  Instead, he made jokes about the names of things, and seemed to purposefully refuse to help Justin with his customers.  He didn’t copy a single order all night long and when Justin called him out on it Brian’s only answer was that when it was real he’d do it.

Not only was he belligerent, but he wasn’t all that good at the things he did do.  For example, when Justin asked him to help with their sidework for the night, Brian left spots unwiped, dispensers un-sanitized, and the entire station disorganized.  It was a nightmare.

The only thing Brian managed to do well was sell alcohol.  He upped Justin’s sales by four percent which, in turn, upped his tips.  For that, the blond was thankful, but he couldn’t overlook everything else.

When they walked back into their apartment for the night Justin slammed the door behind him and scowled at Brian.  “What the hell was all that?!”  He demanded as he threw his apron and book on the couch.  “You went out of your way to make tonight miserable.”  He accused as he pointed a finger at Brian who just stood there crossing his arms over his chest nonchalantly.

When Brian said nothing Justin scoffed and rolled his eyes.  “I can’t believe you.  I know this is hard for you Brian.  I heard the speech, I get it.  But you’re making it even harder by refusing to go along with it.  This is just temporary.  Live with it.  You think I like fucking waiting tables for the past three years?  No!  I hate it.  But if I let them know that no one’s going to leave me a dime.  So unless you want us to be out on the street then suck it up.”

With that, Justin stalked back to their room and slammed that door shut as well.  He locked it behind him and collapsed on the bed.  He didn’t care what Brian did, but he sure as hell couldn’t see the man again that night without hurting him in some way.

After all the fuss Brian made about wanting to help out to make it easier on him, he had a shitty way of showing it.

Outside, Brian let his arms fall to his side as he eyed the door to the bedroom.  He heard the click of the lock and scowled a little bit.   _‘So this is what it means to be in the dog house.’_   He thought to himself bitterly.  He never thought he’d have anything in common with a straight man, but he knew he’d be sleeping on the couch tonight.

He unbuttoned his shirt and slid out of the pants so he was just in his boxers and a white tank top.  He took Justin’s apron off the couch and set it on the side table before laying back on it with a sigh.  He shifted several times and shivered.  He reached over the back of the couch to the throw blanket laying there and spread it over him as best as he could, but it wasn’t great.

Bitter, angry, and now uncomfortable, Brian wondered if his life could get any worse.

* * *

The next morning Brian was laying on the couch staring up at the ceiling after a shitty night of sleep when he heard the bedroom door creak open.  “Brian?”  Justin’s voice spoke tentatively.

“What?”  He answered, trying to sound angry, but it only came out tired.

That seemed to work even better though because he heard a sad sigh come from down the hallway leading to the bedroom and then Justin’s footsteps quietly padding out.  He looked back to see Justin hovering over him and was surprised to find it didn’t look like Justin slept much better than he did.  “I’m sorry.”  Justin murmured and wrung his hands nervously in front of him.  “I shouldn’t have reacted so badly last night.  I should’ve…been more patient.”  Justin was fervently looking down at the floor and avoiding Brian altogether.

The brunet sat up on the couch and looked up at him, surprised Justin was apologizing.  After thinking about it most of the night, he felt he’d acted poorly.  He’d treated Justin badly all night at work and had at some points gone out of his way to make it more difficult than it had to be.  All because he was upset about having to wait tables – which wasn’t Justin’s fault.

However, Brian Kinney never apologizes.  At least, not outright.

He scooted over on the couch a little bit and patted the spot next to him.  Justin sat softly and leaned against Brian’s shoulder.  Brian moved the blanket so it was covering the both of them and then managed to lay them down so they were both comfortable.  Distantly, he knew they could just go lay on the bed, but it wasn’t so bad squeezed together on the couch.  It felt a lot better having to share it with Justin than it did having it to himself all night long.

* * *

That night, when they went in for Brian’s second day of training, Justin discovered a new problem.  Brian just wasn’t good at it.  Even though he was no long purposefully trying to screw things up, he still wasn’t doing things right.  He couldn’t write the orders down fast enough, regardless of the fact the Justin has told him not to write every word and simply make a note system so he could understand it.

“See?”  Justin said pointing to his own pad.  “Instead of water, I just put ‘W’.  And instead of a medium rare steak, I put ‘MR ST’.  It’s much faster that way.”

“I get it, Justin.  But at the computer I’m sitting there trying to fucking break your encryption code and you said it took to long.”  Was how Brian defended himself.

“That’s why you write your _own._ ”  Justin insisted but knew it was a dead end, so decided they should move on.

Justin also realized that while Brian had an excellent grasp of selling alcohol, he didn’t do so well carrying them.  “If it’s just three or four drinks you can just do it with your hands.”  Justin said and showed Brian how to balance the glasses a variety of ways using wine glasses, tumblers, and margarita glasses.  “But, say you have a ten top and they all order drinks.  You can’t just go back and forth.  So we have a drink tray.”  Justin pulled out a circular tray that he loaded up with drinks and balanced on the palm of his hand.  “You try.”

Brian had seen plenty of people carry trays like this.  Justin and Debbie both did it at the diner with big orders.  They both made it look so easy.  Once Justin replaced the glasses with empty ones so Brian didn’t spill any drinks, he tried loading up the tray.  However, no matter how many times he rearranged the glasses, they never seemed to balance and the tray tipped precariously.

All Justin could do was sigh with resignation.

“Ok!”  Justin took him over to POS with a stack of fake orders.  “This will get you practiced at putting in orders.  It will familiarize you with the system and make you quicker.  Put in all these orders, print out the ticket, and I’ll check back with you soon.”  Justin then walked off to take care of his tables while Brian slowly worked away inputting orders.

When Justin returned he checked Brian’s work and sighed.  Every order had mistakes in it.  He ran a hand through his hair and wondered how someone as brilliant as Brian could be so bad at such a simple job.

When they finished the second night, Justin was even more discouraged than the first.  Only, he couldn’t be angry because he knew Brian had genuinely tried to get things right this time.  After they had sex and Brian fell asleep, Justin stayed awake wondering how he was going to get Brian good enough for the manager’s test.  No server is allowed to work the floor until they’re cleared by him.  But Justin had been filling out false reports, saying Brian was doing an excellent job, hoping that by the time the test happened he would be.  Only, it didn’t seem like it was possible.

He turned over and looked at Brian.  He bit his bottom lip as he had an idea, but knew it meant breaking a promise.

* * *

The two had the next night off, but Justin intended to work Brian all night long to get him ready.  In the morning, he rearranged their living room and set up their table to look like the restaurant.  He had already called in the reinforcements so Michael and Daphne were on the way.  To finish getting ready, he took out food to prepare for their guests.

When he finished setting everything up, Brian walked out of the bedroom.  “Justin?  You don’t have to work at the diner this morning, do you?”  He asked slowly, clearly trying to remember Justin’s schedule.  Then, he cleared the hallway and looked at everything Justin had done and stopped suddenly.  “What the fuck?”   He asked, confused.  He turned and eyed Justin suspiciously.

The blond was quick to act and wrapped Brian’s apron around his waist.  “You need practice.  Here, eat this.”  He said, holding out a piece of dry toast for him.

“-The fuck?”  Brian repeated, this time his mouth slightly full of bread.

“Seriously.  You need to practice.  You only have one more day of training and Roger will have a test for you.  If you fail, you won’t work and this was all for nothing.”  Justin revealed and Brian frowned accusingly.

“What the hell, Justin?  You couldn’t have told me this sooner?”  He asked, going to unwrap the apron.  Justin grabbed his hands to stop him.

“I didn’t want you to freak out.  I didn’t think it would be an issue because you’re usually so good at things but for some reason you just…kind of…suck.”  Justin tried to soften the truth with a slight cringe.  “And not in the positive life affirming way.”  He added as he softly patted Brian’s shoulder.  “That’s why, I invited over some help.”  He admitted and Brian instantly frowned at him.

“You what?”  He asked in a low and icy tone.

“I’m going to be coaching you while you serve Daphne and Michael.”  Justin revealed and tried to smile away Brian’s glare.  He hated when Brian looked at him that way.  His jaw was stuck out, his shoulders tense, his eyes hard, and his lips in a thin line.  It made him feel small and insignificant.  It reminded him too much of when Brian kicked him out after accidentally forgetting to set the alarm.

“I thought we talked about this…”  Brian spoke lowly as he hovered intimidatingly over Justin.

“I made an executive decision.”  Justin answered in a soft voice.  “They won’t tell anyone.”  He promised even as there was a knock on the door.  The two turned and Brian shook his head.

“I can’t believe this, Justin.  I asked you for one thing.  Just one.  And you can’t even do that.”  He muttered in frustration as he tore off his apron.

“Brian.”  Justin drew himself up and looked at him firmly.  “They promised not to tell anyone you have to wait tables.  You _need_ this practice.”  He repeated and they had a stare off for a few moments until Brian slumped and sighed.

“Fine.”  He snapped and let Justin walk by him to the door.  Daphne and Michael walked in and they shared a few quick greetings before they both sat at the table and grinned at each other.

Justin walked back to the kitchen and looked up at Brian expectantly.  “Please, Brian.”  He murmured softly and held out a server pad for him.  The brunet offered him one final glare before snatching the pad out of his hands and walking over to the table.

For a moment, Justin thought he wasn’t going to take this seriously.  However, as he walked over to their small kitchen table and approached their best friends, Brian smiled cheerfully and put on what Justin called a ‘server façade’.  He nodded in approval and stood off to the side to let Brian take charge.

* * *

Three broken plates, a broken glass and five reorders later, Justin was genuinely pleased with Brian’s progress.  He could now balance plates and glasses in his hand, write down orders swiftly and accurately.  He was conversing with Michael and Daphne as if they were strangers so Justin knew he wouldn’t have trouble with the customers.

After Daphne and Michael left, Justin walked up to Brian and wrapped his arms around his neck.  He kissed Brian’s cheek and then licked his lips a bit.  “I now pronounce you graduated from Justin’s School of Table Waiting.”  He murmured and Brian chuckled a little bit and kissed him back.

“You think I’m ready for the test?”  He asked and Justin nodded against him as began sucking his neck.

“Let’s celebrate.”

Brian laughed, hooked his arms beneath Justin’s waist and picked the blond up and carried him to the bed.  He laid him down gently and slowly took off Justin’s dirty clothes as he’d been acting as a cook all day long.  He tossed them over to the closet before running his tongue down Justin’s chest.  Justin arched up beneath him and his eyes glassed over in a lustful haze, driving Brian on.

* * *

The next night, after Justin and Brian finished their regular shift, Roger pulled Brian aside to have him wait on him.  He tested Brian on their wine selection, the ingredients and methods of preparing their food, and serving etiquette.  Brian passed brilliantly.

From then on things began to turn around for the two lovers.  Justin, no longer having to work three shifts a day, put back on some weight so he looked like his formal self.  They had some cash to spare now, as opposed to pinching pennies like they were before.  It allowed them more time to relax out with their friends.

Brian also found being a waiter wasn’t so bad.  He found it interesting being able to fuck the customers.  All the times before he’d always been the customer, but he found he enjoyed being the waiter.  He still had just as much variety and could be just as picky.  Also, it always gave him a better tip.

Not only did he get to enjoy his fucks with customers, but he and Justin would take ten minute fuck breaks in the changing room which always put him in a better mood.  By the smile on Justin’s face whenever he was spirited away to the back closet, Brian assumed it put him in a better mood as well.

So, overall, they were far better off than they were before.  Sure, Brian had to give up on his dream of owning his own company, but it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.  He felt important again, he felt needed.

Then, one night, after saving up a good amount of money, the two decided they had earned a break and wanted to go out to Babylon.  Brian’s good mood continued as he felt pleasure from paying the door fee.  He walked Justin into the club with his hand on the small of his back.  They were both smiling and laughing as they walked directly over to the bar.  Brian ordered for them both and handed Justin his glass.  As they leaned back against the bar and chatted they were joined by their friends wo had noticed their arrival.

“Good to see you two out and about again.  Come to reclaim your old stomping grounds?”  Ted asked Brian as he took a sip out of his margarita.

“Nothing to reclaim.  It’s always been mine.”  Brian said proudly even as he was eyed by two men walking by.  All he did was wave his hand as if proving his point.

“We’ve been making a lot of tips lately.  Thought we’d come out to celebrate.”  Justin explained as he lifted his glass.

Brian suddenly stood up straight and looked over into the dance floor.  He set his drink on the bar and glanced to Justin.  “Watch that for me.”  He said before moving in for the trick.

Justin just rolled his eyes affectionately and continued sipping at his drink.  He leaned back comfortably and looked back to the others who were with him.

“Oh good he left.  We have a problem.”  Emmett said, closing the distance between him and Justin and placing his hands on his shoulders dramatically.

Justin’s eyes widened as he looked at his friend.  “What?”  He asked, slightly panicked.

“There’s been a slight…buzz…around Babylon.”  Emmett explained, turning to look back to the others for help.  Justin let his gaze drift over all of them, as if asking if Emmett was making sense to them.

“About what?”  Justin asked carefully as he stepped back a little ways.

“Him…and you.”  Michael said nervously and glanced back to Emmett.

“You see, people have noticed that he spent a lot of time away and then one person spotted him at Peppino’s and…Well word got around that the Great God Kinney might have fallen a little bit.  And you know how much Brian thinks about his reputation.”  Emmett murmured lowly, having to lean into Justin’s ear so he would hear over the music.

Justin frowned a little bit and looked out to the dance floor where Brian was dancing with his next trick.  Everything looked normal.  The trick seemed happy enough to let Brian lead him to the backroom.  Justin waited until they were gone from sight before turning back to the others and shrugging.  “Seems normal to me.”  He pointed out, but Ben shook his head.

“No, really.  Just wait.”

As Brian walked to the backroom Justin didn’t focus so much on his trick of choice as he did the other men in the club watching them go.  He watched a few bend in to whisper conspiratorially to their companions.  Now, this wouldn’t be the first time people whispered about Brian Kinney, but he could tell that something was really different.  The looks that passed between people, the subtle pointing.

Worried, he looked to the backroom.

* * *

“You’re so hot.”  The trick murmured in Brian’s ear as he kissed down his neck.

“I’ve been told.”  Brian murmured with a smirk on his lips.  He leaned back against the cum covered wall and ran his hands down the slim form of the trick in front of him.  He hooked his fingers into the man’s jeans and tugged him forward so their bodies were flush against each other.  He felt the hard cock of the trick press up against his own and they rutted against each other for a moment.

Brian then grabbed his shoulder and spun him around and pressed him up against the wall.  He then reached around and undid the man’s pants, pressing into him as he did so.  It earned him a moan from the man and he smirked a bit wider.  He pushed his pants down just enough to get access to his ass before reaching into his own back pocket to pull out a miniature tube of lube and a condom.

He pushed down his own pants and sheathed his dick in the condom.  He spread the lube over the trick’s hole just enough before sliding himself in.  Immediately he moaned in pleasure.  As much as he enjoyed plowing Justin’s ass, there was something great about getting something new.  He closed his eyes and he pushed all the way in until he was flush against the tricks back.

He grabbed the hips of the man in front of him and began thrusting quickly. He found the man’s sweet spot almost instantly and pounded into it again and again.  The trick was moaning and panting, thrusting his hips back against Brian again and again.

It was fast, efficient, and pleasurable.  Everything Brian wanted from anonymous sex.  When they both came Brian let himself ride the euphoric wave before pulling out.  He grunted a bit, already missing the tightness of the trick before tying off the condom.

“Wow…”  The man said, pulling up his pants and turning around to face Brian.  “After everything I’d heard I wasn’t expecting that.”

As Brian was zipping up his pants he paused and eyed the man.  “What do you mean?”  He asked as his brow furrowed.

“Well…”  The trick hesitated a little.  “You know what people say.  That you’re not hot shit anymore since you got the boot from your job.  You have no money, lost your fancy loft.”  The trick shrugged and Brian just looked at him evenly.

He didn’t know that people had been talking about him behind his back.  Of course, he should have expected it.  People had always talked about him while he was on top – people loved watching people fall from grace.

Oddly enough, he didn’t care.  He knew he should – but he didn’t.  He looked at the trick for a moment and then shrugged.  “None of that has to do with fucking.”  Was all he said before turning around and walking out of the backroom.  He found the guys still leaning up against the bar and knew they had been talking about him when he walked up.

He reclaimed his drink and took a long gulp from it before sidling up next to Justin.  Justin looked up at him as if expecting some kind of reaction, no doubt having heard the same things he had already.  To reassure Justin before his little mind ran into over-drive, he wrapped an arm around his shoulder and gazed over the dance floor.  “Pick one out.”

* * *

** Several Weeks Later – Beginning of September. **

The string of good luck the two lovers were having continued on for a good month before it all came to a screeching halt.  Not only were they pulling in enough tips to cover expenses as well as put some away in savings, but they could also spare a few nights out a week which worked wonders for both of their moods.

Brian found that, even though he despised being a waiter, he could do it well.  His time spent as an ad-man made him comfortable with customers and able to read them easily.  He started making more money than Justin did.  And though such a thing would have made him bitter if he had been in Justin’s shoes, the blond didn’t even seem to bat an eye.  Brian had promised himself he’d behave more like Justin in the future.

However, he was always waiting for something to happen to ruin what they had spent the last month building.  Some family emergency, Justin’s brain injury acting up as it had in the past – anything to offset the positive events in their life.  He didn’t expect it to happen at work.

Brian was adjusting his sleek, black, dress shirt and apron as he walked out of the kitchen and towards his section.  He could see he was getting sat with a new table and froze immediately when he saw who it was. “Shit…”

Sitting down with what was sure to be a client, Gardner Vance sat in his corner booth.

Brian’s heart began pounding and his mind began racing.  What was he supposed to do?  How could he serve his former boss – the man responsible for where he was now?  Why was this happening when everything was going so right?  He rolled his lips into his mouth and looked down at the ground, refusing to go a step further out onto the floor.  He couldn’t do this.  It was too low – too humiliating.  Suddenly Justin walked by him, preparing to go to his own tables, and Brian swiftly reached out and grabbed his arm, dragging him back to the changing room.  Justin protested indignantly.

“Not now Brian.  We’re slammed!”  He said, already moving to get past Brian but the brunet grabbed his shoulders and held him in place.

“Gardner is out there.”  He informed seriously and Justin stilled.

“No shit.”

“In my section.”

Justin’s mouth dropped a little bit and then looked up at Brian sympathetically.  “I’m sorry.”  He said sincerely.

“You have to take that table for me.”  Brian ordered, holding Justin’s shoulders tightly.

“Fuck no!  He knows who I am too.  And he thinks I’m just the intern sleeping my way to the top.”  Justin’s brow furrowed and he put his hands on his hips.

“I’m not serving him.”  Brian looked firmly down into Justin’s eyes, but found no leeway in the blue depths.

“Well then I don’t know what to tell you, Brian.  Because I’m not either.”  Justin then pushed past him and returned to his tables, leaving Brian alone.

The brunet sighed a little and rubbed his hand over his face in exasperation.  He remained in there for a few minutes more before realizing he didn’t have a choice.  He’d have to swallow whatever was left of his pride and serve the man who ruined his life.

Walking up to the table Brian could tell that Gardner noticed him right away.  The man’s eyebrows rose up high on his bald head and a triumphant smirk played across his pale lips.  It made Brian feel sick.  He pulled out his pad, approached the table with his head held high, and put on a smile.  He tried to pretend that he didn’t know him – however, Gardner made that difficult as he greeted Brian as soon as he got there.

“Brian Kinney.  Waiting tables now?”  Gardner cut right to the quick.

Brian just flashed him a smile and a nod.  “It pays the bills.”  He murmured tightly, trying to maintain his façade as best as he could.

“I thought your company was going to be a roaring success.  Stealing clients from me left and right.  How many people do you represent?”  Gardner asked, making his guest glance between the two of them awkwardly.  Gardner didn’t seem to care as he was getting too much pleasure from tormenting Brian.

“I’m taking a break.  Focusing on other things.”  Brian murmured before heaving a sigh.  “Now, what would you like to drink?”  He asked, forgoing the typical opening he gave explaining the house specials.

Gardner didn’t seem to care and continued on.  “If you were such an important part of the company, someone you told me I couldn’t function without, why is it you’re here?”  Gardner asked, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side.

Brian just remained silently, counting up to ten in his head, trying not to lose his calm demeanor.

“But you’re right.  We’re here to eat.  Why don’t you fetch us a bottle of the Revana Cabernet.”  Gardener waved him off and Brian spun to leave as quickly as possible, not wanting to spend a moment longer than necessary in front of him.

He went back to the POS and rang in the bottle of wine, already gripping the corkscrew and imagining what it would be like to plunge it into Gardner’s bald skull.  As he leaned against the bar waiting to pick up the bottle and glasses, Justin brushed by him.

“How is it going?”  He asked, placing a hand on Brian’s arm.

“How the fuck do you think its going?  This is fucking humiliating.”  Brian muttered and snatched away the bottle and glasses, wanting to get away from Justin as well.  It was all just too much.  He walked back to the table and set the glasses down before preparing to open the wine.

As he was doing so, he noticed Gardner look at something intently across the room.  He turned and frowned when he saw it was Justin.  “Isn’t that the intern you slept with?”  Gardner asked, making his guests eyes widen dramatically.

“He’s my partner.”  Brian said as he jerked off the cork of the bottle and poured a small taster for Gardner to try before pouring the glass.  With a nod of approval he began pouring more.

“Partner?  Here I just thought he was a slut sleeping his way to the top.”  Gardner chuckled a little and didn’t notice Brian stiffen and stop moving.

The brunet looked at the man angrily.  “Take that back.”  He demanded and Gardner raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh?  I hardly think you’re in any position to make demands, Brian.  After all, how do you know that isn’t what he was doing but after you both got fired he felt obligated to stick around.  Partners, you said?  Please.”  Gardner rolled his eyes as he took a sip of the wine.  “I’m sure he’d do just about anything to get ahead.  You gays are known for being promiscuous.”

Brian didn’t really think about what he was doing.  But the next thing he knew was the bottle was upended over Gardner’s head and the wine was pouring all over him.  As the man stood, spluttering and wiping furiously at the dark red cascading down his suit, all Brian could do was laugh.

He was laughing when he was fired, and he was laughing he drove home.

* * *

Later that night Brian heard Justin’s keys in the door to their apartment and was surprised.   _‘He must have gotten a ride from someone.’_   He reasoned.

When Justin walked in he immediately gave Brian a hard look, demanding an explanation.  “What the fuck was that all about?  I thought you were handling it.”

Brian just shrugged.  He didn’t regret what he did – and would do it again in a heartbeat – so he felt no need to explain himself.  He was reclining on the couch with his feet kicked up against the coffee table.  He laced his fingers together and rested them on the back of his head.

“I just don’t get it, Brian.  We were doing fine – things were starting to actually look up for a change – and you had to go pull a stunt like that.  Roger is pissed.  He’s never going to take you back and he’s thinking about firing me too.  Did you think about that?!”  Justin threw down his things on the counter and ran a hand through his hair.

“If he tries to fire you we can sue him for wrongful termination.”  Brian pointed out, trying to ease the tension, but it didn’t help as Justin simply flashed him a look of distain.

“Why, Brian?  _Why?_ ”  Justin implored, looking at him for a long moment.  Brian still didn’t answer, so the blond gave up and walked to the bedroom to change.

Brian remained sitting on the couch and looking up at the ceiling.  He wondered if he was going to have to sleep on the couch again, but when Justin called to him asking him if he was coming to bed he realized Justin wasn’t as mad as he thought.  Confused and hurt, probably, but Brian could always handle that.

He made sure their sex that night was nice and slow, the way Justin liked it best.

The next morning, after Justin went to the diner to ask for more shifts, Brian started asking around at other agencies who had offered him jobs right after he was fired.  Sure, the salary was lower, but at least he’d be making money and Justin wouldn’t have to worry about working three shifts a day again.

However, each one of them turned him down.  Apparently, Gardner had gotten word out about what he’d done at the restaurant and he’d been blacklisted.

Feeling badly that he’d been the reason their good streak was ruined, Brian wondered what he could possible due to make it up to Justin.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I need to apologize for the delay in updating. My life took a turn for the better, but that also means I got much busier. A new job and a new apartment took a lot of my concentration, but I'm settling back into a schedule again so while I can't promise completely regular updates, you won't have to wait weeks for them. :)

Melanie and Lindsay strode into the diner during lunch time, carrying Gus in along with them.  They sat in a booth in the corner and Mel quickly spread out some documents she needed to look over before going back into the office.  Lindsay sat Gus down next to her then pulled out a coloring book for him and as she glanced around the diner for familiar faces.

Justin walked out of the kitchen then and they waved over to him.  He smiled at them and quickly walked to their table, pulling out a pad of paper as he did so.

“Jus’in!”  Gus exclaimed, happily reaching up to hug Justin.

“Hey, Little Man.”  He answered, bending over to wrap an arm around him. As he leaned over he also gave Lindsay a peck on the cheek and she patted his shoulder.  He then moved around to kiss Mel as well before straightening and stifling a yawn.  “What can I get you guys?”  Justin asked, shaking his head a little bit.

“Are you ok?”  Lindsay asked immediately, her voice filled with concern.  She reached a hand out to him and gazed up to his drawn face.  “You look pale.”  She added and Gus shot his head up with wide eyes.

“You sick, Jus?”  Gus asked and immediately sat up on the chair.  He wrapped his arms tightly around Justin’s neck, making the young blond smile affectionately.

“I’m not sick, Gus.  Just a little tired is all.”  He assured.  Lindsay and Melanie exchanged a glance and Justin caught it.  “It’s fine.”  He promised and then set Gus back down on the chair.  “Now, how about a chocolate milk for the big man.  Green tea for Lindz and Diet Coke for Mel.”  Justin said, repeating their regular drinks and then turned when he got an affirming nod.

Justin moved onto the next table to check on them before slipping behind the bar and getting their drinks ready.  He made sure he squirt extra chocolate syrup into the milk just the way Gus liked it before getting the girls’ drinks ready as well.  His hand shook a little as he set them down on the table and he noticed them look at it.

Self-consciously he wiped it on his apron and then put it in his pocket.  “Do you know what you want to eat?”  He asked, avoiding their gaze.

After getting their order he swiftly walked away and hid in the kitchen before taking out his hand and trying to massage it.  It had begun acting up more and more often since he had to start working triple shifts again.  Not only that, but his meds were expensive so he decided he’d only use them when it was an absolutely necessary.  He flexed his hand in and out a few times and shook it out by his side before digging out a pen and scribbling down their order.  He put it on the wheel before grabbing a few plates on the window and carrying them out.  He heard Mel and Lindz whispering together and could tell they were talking about him.  He tried to block it out, assuring himself that they were only talking about him because they were worried about him, but he still didn’t like having his life analyzed like that.

He made the decisions he wanted to make and no one was going to stop him from doing that.  How did they think he got Brian to agree to a semi-official, somewhat recognizable relationship?

He tried to shake it off and focus on his work, but the more he tried to focus, the more his hand started to shake.  It was getting to the point where he was having trouble carrying plates and drinks.  Not only did the girls notice, but the rest of his customers were starting too as well.  _‘Please stop._ ’  He begged his injured hand.  He had to work the closing shift at Peppino’s that night and didn’t want to have to put up with his hand all day long.  Usually it passed in a few minutes, a half hour at the longest, but this was starting to get unbearable.

To make matters worse, Emmett strode into the diner and slid into the booth next to Mel.  Justin knew he should be happy to see his friend, but honestly he wished they would all just leave him alone.  Still, he put on a smile and went to go take Emmett’s order.  He didn’t write it down because he knew his hand would shake and the cook wouldn’t be able to read it anyways.  However, after years of waiting tables, and having an above average IQ, he could memorize the single order simply.

Instead of writing it down and putting on the wheel, he walked back to the kitchen and told Tony in person and he wrote it down himself.  He was kind, and understanding.  He had to work with Justin right after his bashing when his hand was at its worst so was familiar with how to handle it.

Honestly, all Justin wished was he could be back at home getting his hand massaged by Brian.  But since the brunet wasn’t working once again, he had to be here.  He’d already been there for eight hours and dreaded the six he had ahead of him at Peppino’s.  Then, he thought about how much money he would be making and forced himself to be glad he could work at all.

 _‘Hobbs could have killed you.’_   He reminded himself of that whenever he felt he was getting too worked up about his hand.  He could be dead – he was lucky to be alive.

He ran his good hand through his hair and closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself.  He took in a deep breath and then left the kitchen to check up on his tables.  He saw that Mel needed a refill on her soda so poured it with his left hand.  As he went to set it down in front of her, however, all three of them looked at his right hand.

“Brian used to say you always had to be careful when your hand was acting up.  Is everything ok?”  Lindsay asked carefully and Justin flashed her a look.

“Fine.”  He said succinctly.

“I’m just saying…You work another shift tonight, don’t you?  You’ve been working three shifts a day again.  I’m sure that must be trying on your hand.”  Lindsay continued, and Mel and Emmett seemed perfectly happy to let her do so.

“I said I’m fine.”  He repeated and turned away.  Just as he did, however, his hand flared up in pain.  He cringed and gripped it, hunching over.

“Justin!”  The group cried out simultaneously but Emmett was the first one to get to him.  The tall man wrapped an arm around Justin’s shoulder and sat him down in the booth, trying to comfort him even as Justin continued to moan in pain.

It felt as if someone had stabbed his hand and twisted the knife around.  The pain was excruciating.  Justin clenched his eyes shut as if blocking out the world would also block out the pain.

“Not out here…”  He murmured through clenched jaws.  He didn’t want anyone to see him like this.

“Ok, ok.”  Emmett said placatingly and stood him from the booth and walked him back into the kitchen.  He found a small break area and sat Justin down there.  “Can I get you something?  Water?”  Emmett asked, concern etched throughout him.

“Just…give me a few minutes.”  Justin requested, wishing, at that moment, that Hobbs had killed him.

Emmett said nothing, just compassionately patted his shoulder and left him alone as he’d requested.  Just in time was well, as Justin could no longer hold back the tears that were threatening to break loose.  Both from the pain and humiliation, Justin couldn’t stop them from coming.  He didn’t wail or weep, but silently allowed the tears to roll down his cheeks.

The pain remained for another five minutes.  Honestly, he didn’t care much about his tables and if they were angry at him they could go fuck themselves.  Though, he doubted they would be.  Not only did he have minor celebrity status by being Brian Kinney’s live-in-lover, but because of the bashing, most people recognized him and often offered support.

When the pain finally did pass, he stood and wiped the last of the tears from his cheek.  He reached over to a drink dispenser and got a glass of water then finished drinking it before venturing back outside.  There were a few new tables, but Emmett was helping him out and taking care of them for him.  He flashed the man an appreciative smile.

“Hey, Justin.  Can we talk to you for a second?”  Melanie asked, motioning for Justin to sit down.

Justin rolled his lips into his mouth and silently sat down, bracing himself.  He didn’t say anything, just looked between the two of them wondering if they were going to lecture him about Brian.

“You have been working really hard, lately.  In order to help take care of yourself and Brian.”  Mel spoke somewhat brokenly, clearly knowing she was treading on thin ice.  “And Emmett, Lindz and, I were thinking, we’d like to help you along a little.  To make sure that you don’t have to keep working triple shifts.”  She said.

Justin immediately opened his mouth to answer, but Mel cut him off.  “It wouldn’t be a loan – something you have to worry about paying back.  After all you’ve done for us, watching Gus for free all those nights, it’s the least we can do.”  She added, offering a smile that said she really wanted him to accept.

Justin sighed and glanced over at Gus, wishing he didn’t have to be sitting there listening to this.  Not that it was bad, per say, just he didn’t want the kid to worry about him or his father.  But it was too late, as Gus was looking at him with wide, worried eyes.

“Guys…”  Justin said, slowly looking back over to the girls.  “It’s nice that you want to help out. But I’m fine.  Really.”  He knew it sounded pitiful after his hand flaring up just moments before.

They both cast him doubtful looks.  “Justin, are you even taking your medication?”  Lindsay asked and Justin suddenly wished the family didn’t know so much about his life.

“Yes.”  He said defensively.  It was mostly true; he took them when his migraines hit, as those were far worse than his hand.  His migraines incapacitated him for hours at a time, sometimes even a full day.

“Every day?”  Melanie questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s none of your fucking business.”  He snapped at then and stood quickly.  He then looked over at Gus and frowned.  “Sorry, Gus.  That’s a bad word.”  He reminded to make sure the child knew not to say it.  He took a calming breath and looked between the two women.  “I appreciate you’re wanting to help.  But I can do this by myself.”  He insisted before pulling out his pad and walking away.

He was Brian’s partner.  He was the one who was going to help get them through this.

* * *

A few hours later, Justin was in his uniform and working his station at Peppino’s.  His hand hadn’t acted up again for which he was grateful, however, he was still exhausted and every time he closed his eyes he felt as if he could fall asleep where he stood. On the plus side, he didn’t have to work the next day at all – he made sure he lined his days off up at both places.

Thankfully, it was a slow night, and he was able to be apathetic without his service suffering too much.  It was a few hours into the shift and the dinner rush had already died down, so he was counting down the minutes until they closed and he could go home.

However, something had been bothering him for some time now.  His only customer was an elderly lady who’d been sitting in his section for three hours already.  She had been nice enough; she ordered with a smile and called him ‘dear’.  However, she also had a somber air around her, as if being there made her sad.

Typically, Justin was too worried about his own problems to think about what she was going through, but his mind was in a muddled place that must have made him more empathetic.  He leaned against the bar, chatting with the bartender, as he watched her nonchalantly push her food around.  By this time, it was no doubt cold and unappetizing.

He sighed, held up a finger to motion his co-worker to hold onto their thought, and walked over to her.  “Hey.  Can I heat that up for you?”  He asked, motioning to the plate.

“Oh, oh Dear.  I guess it is kind of cold, isn’t it?  But don’t worry, Dear.”  She flashed him a smile.  “I wouldn’t want to bother you.”  She insisted and Justin just waved her off.

“You’re no bother.”  He assured sincerely.  “But I am a little worried.  Is everything ok?”  He asked and gave her a soft smile.  “It seems like something is bothering you.”  He added.

“Oh don’t mind me.”  She said, even as her voice quivered.

“Tell me what’s going on.”  Justin urged as he pulled out the chair across from her and sat.  He folded his arms and leaned forward on the table, trying to offer her support while keeping a polite distance.

“It’s just…My husband passed away two weeks ago.  We always would come here on our anniversary…”  She murmured as she began hiccupping through her tears.

“I’m so sorry.”  He said sincerely as he reached a hand out to hold hers.  She turned her hand over and clenched onto his as if it was the only lifeline she had.

“I don’t know why I came.  But we already had the reservation and I just couldn’t stay away.  It would be admitting that he….that he…”

“Was really gone.”  Justin finished for her in a soft whisper.  He suddenly forgot all about his own problems.  So money was tight and he had a gimp hand.  At least Brian was still alive.  He didn’t know what he would do if Brian was gone.  Brian was the only man he’d ever really loved and he didn’t think he would ever be able to figure out how to love anyone else – not with the kind of passion he felt for him.

The woman wiped a few of her tears away but they were only replaced by others.  He stroked her hand for a few minutes, silently offering his support until she was able to collect herself.

“Thank you, Dear.  I think I needed that.”  She said, offering him a small smile.

“It’s no problem.”  He assured, letting go of her hand.  “Can I get you anything else?  A cup of coffee maybe?”  He asked softly.

“That would be nice.  Thank you.”  She said and he stood and turned, and then went to make a fresh pot for her.

He spent the next few hours talking to her, letting her tell him all about her husband.  He learned her name was Beatrice, but she liked to go by Bea, and her husband’s name was Monty.  They lived in West Virginia in a manor and she was worried about the upkeep now that he was gone.  He also learned that she was a concert pianist and had played for the Pittsburgh Philharmonic.

He didn’t tell her much about his own life as it seemed she really needed a chance to talk to someone; he could only imagine how lonely it got in her large home all by herself.  He briefly mentioned he was an artist and that was about it.  But he enjoyed it none the less.  He even let her stay late, past closing time in order to make her feel better.

* * *

Brian was bored.  He’d already escorted his trick for the night out of the apartment and was now left on his own.  Not working was really grating on his nerves.  Every agency he had checked refused to hire him because of what he did to Gardner; but he regreted nothing.   Except maybe that Justin now has to go back to working three shifts a day.  He wanted to prevent that – but no matter where he tried getting a job, they wouldn’t hire him.

He made dinner for him and Justin, but when the blond didn’t show up he just ate by himself.  _‘Must be busy.’_   He thought to himself, worried because Justin had already worked over twelve hours that day.  He wanted to alleviate some of the stress Justin was under, but no matter what he did he failed.  He felt like a sinking ship and he was dragging Justin down with him.  That was the last thing he wanted.  He didn’t want Justin to be tied down to a failure when he was so young and had so much potential.  Justin could be off pursuing his art.  Instead, he’s so busy waiting tables that he hadn’t even had time to open in a sketch book in weeks; because of him.

He was sitting on the couch, staring up at the ceiling waiting for the familiar sound of Justin’s keys in the lock.  He didn’t want to go to sleep in case Justin didn’t come home.  He always worried for the younger man, and always would.  It was something he had come to accept.  Justin was an increasingly important part of his life, and not just because he depended on him for a roof and food.  No…Justin was…special.

The tender feelings he bore for his young lover only continued to get stronger and more prominent the more time they spent together.  While he wouldn’t classify the feeling as love, he would admit that Justin was the only person who had ever made him feel that way.

Brian smiled a bit just by thinking about him.  And as he did, a thought started niggling in the back of his mind.  Something about Justin.

He furrowed his brow, wondering why he suddenly felt as if he had forgotten something.  He stood and walked over to the calendar.  He gazed at the date, but nothing wrong a bell.  Looking further and further down the days and then comes to a stop.  “Shit.”

Justin’s birthday was just a few days away.  After last year’s fiasco he wasn’t planning on doing anything at all.  Maybe he’d mention it in passing, but he wasn’t even going to attempt at getting Justin a gift.  In hindsight maybe getting him a hustler wasn’t the best of ideas, but he’d honestly thought Justin would get off on it.  So, in order to prevent another Ethan-like debacle, he was just going to ignore it and stick to his credo that birthdays weren’t worth celebrating.

But now…

Now Justin was working himself ragged – literally.  He deserved some kind of recognition for what he’d been doing for the both of them.

Smiling a bit he called Emmett and started making the plans.

* * *

** Two days later. **

Justin only had to work at the diner on his birthday, for which he was eternally grateful.  He figured most people forgot about it and was actually glad for it.  He worked breakfast and lunch and then intended to go home and relax.  He wanted to sleep for days.  As he drove home he was relieved that he knew Brian wasn’t going to do anything for him.  He just wanted to slid into bed, maybe have a quick fuck with the man, and sleep.

Walking up to the apartment he yawned and rubbed his eyes as he walked into the apartment.  Just as he opened the door, however, Brian grabbed his arm.  “Let’s go, Sunshine.”  He said and Justin frowned and immediately shook his head.

“Not today, please.  I just want to go to bed.”  Justin whined, trying to pull his arm free.  However, Brian was stronger than him and refused to let go.

“Nope.  We have things to do.”

“Doesn’t it count that it’s my birthday?  I don’t want to go out tonight Brian.  Just go without me.  Besides, I’m covered in sweat and grease.”  He added, smelling the top of his shirt for emphasis.

“Doesn’t matter.”  Brian pushed them out the door, locking it up behind them.  He then held his hands out.  “Keys.”  He ordered, and – seeing as he was too tired to argue – Justin handed them over.  “Don’t look so glum.”  Brian said as he walked him down back to their car.

Justin sat, yawning as Brian drove them across town.  He didn’t know where they were going at first, but then he started recognizing the streets.  “Why are we going to Debbie’s?”  He asked but Brian didn’t say anything.  That was when Justin started suspecting something.

They parked down the street a ways and walked back to the house.  Brian motioned for Justin to go on in ahead of him so he tentatively opened the door.  As it opened, however, he was still surprised with a loud and boisterous, “Happy Birthday Justin!”

He blinked a few times in shock and realized the living room was full of their family.  They were all smiling at him and the next thing he knew was he was being hugged from all sides.  “Oh wow…Ummm…thanks guys.”   He said, catching Brian’s eye and giving him a confused look.

The brunet just shrugged and rolled his lips into his mouth.  Justin knew that was his biggest sign of vulnerability, so he decided to play it down and focused on the rest of the family.  “This is amazing, everyone.  Thank you.”  He said sincerely.  And truthfully, even though just moments before he’d been wanting to go straight to sleep, he was glad his family had a party for him.  It raised his spirits to know how much they cared about him.

After he had thanked everyone, Brian pulled him into his arms and swayed him a bit as music started playing.  “Come on, Sunshine.  Shake those hips.” Brian urged as he bent and bit his ear playfully.

Justin laughed a little bit and danced, wrapping his arms up and around Brian’s neck.  They placed their foreheads together in an old and intimate gesture and more or less forgot about the rest of the family being there.  As the songs changed their beat, the two lovers continued doing their own thing.  Justin completely forgot about everything else except for dancing with Brian.  He didn’t care that it was the middle of the day, or that they weren’t at Babylon, all that mattered was he and Brian could have this time to enjoy themselves.

When they decided to finish dancing, they all sat down and Justin was served with a large plate of his favorite food, Debbie’s Rigatoni.  Brian sat next to him at the table and before Justin started eating he leaned in to whisper in his ear.  “Happy birthday.”

Justin looked at him, utterly surprised.  Then, unable to hold it back, he leaned over and kissed Brian fully on the mouth, easily sliding his tongue between the man’s lips.  Brian returned the kiss in fervor and unnoticed to them the room got quiet.  When they broke apart there was a slight cheering and Justin blushed a little.

“You two would do it anywhere, wouldn’t you?”  Debbie asked and Brian just shrugged a bit as he wrapped an arm around Justin’s shoulder and casually leaned back in his seat.

“Debbie, please.”  Jennifer said, blushing madly.

“Sorry, Mom.”  Justin apologized on Debbie’s behalf but was still chuckling.  It didn’t seem like it was possible for anything to go wrong.

* * *

“I’m surprised people didn’t just give me loads of cash for presents seeing how they go on and on about it all the time.”  Justin murmured as they drove back to their apartment several hours later.  The trunk was full of some new clothes, art supplies, and random knick knacks that he had no idea what to do with.

“I might have made sure they knew that cash was off limits.”  Brian murmured, keeping his eyes focused on the road.

“Well…thanks.”  Justin said, trying not to make a big deal out of it.  It was shocking that Brian put any effort at all in his birthday and he didn’t want to make the man regret his actions.  He went so far as to turning his body so he was tilted towards the window, avoiding Brian’s gaze all together.

Unsurprisingly, Brian didn’t say anything, just continued driving.  Both of their attention's were caught, however, when they could hear sirens approaching.  Brian pulled to the side politely and let the three fire trucks pass by, followed by police vehicles.   “Shit…looks like something serious happened.”  Justin said, his eyes riveted on the convoy speeding by.

“Yeah.”  Brian murmured, pulling back into traffic carefully.

“I hope everyone is ok.”  Justin added distantly but then started getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

As they turned towards their apartment building, he could see the convoy ahead of them.  He could see them make a right turn – directly towards their apartment building.  “Brian…”  Justin said carefully.

“I’m sure it’s nothing.”  Brian dismissed but Justin could tell there was worry in his voice as well.  Silently they drove on until they could see a dark red glow and a billow of smoke.  Brian had to park a ways away from the apartment, because there were blockades preventing them from getting closer.

Slowly they both stepped out of the car and watched their building go up in flames.  The entire building was on fire – there was no hope for anything in their apartment to survive.

Justin walked over to Brian and looked up at him.  “Brian…”  He murmured, unsure of what to do, or say.  It didn’t seem like this was real.  Only moments ago they’d been partying – now they’re life, the one they’d spent months trying to put together, was going up in flames.

Brian was simply staring at the building.  Justin reached a hand out and placed it on his arm, then slid it down to hold his hand.  Brian jumped at the sudden contact and turned to look at him, as if he didn't know who it was that could be touching him.  Justin looked up at him, directly into his eyes, and mourned at what he saw there.

* * *

After having the Super tell them that the apartment responsible was a level below theirs and that he’d be in contact with them concerning insurance, they got right back into the car and turned around to go to Debbie’s.  Justin called while they were on the way to give her a heads up.

They were silent as they drove, neither knowing what to say to help the other.  Mid-way through the drive Justin reached over and grabbed Brian’s hand and the brunet let him.  He even turned it a bit so he was holding Justin’s back.  It was a silent show of support, but for some reason Justin didn’t find any comfort in it.  In fact, Brian was being distant and secluded.  He decided it was just the shock of what happened and that Brian needed time to come to terms with them losing everything – all over again.

When they got to Debbie’s the red-head fussed over them dramatically.  She hugged and kissed them, leaving red lipstick stains on their cheeks.  Justin had to pull her off.  “We’re really tired, Deb.  We just want to go to bed.”  He explained and she nodded in understanding.

“Well you’re old room is available.  But I got to tell you, it’ll be a tight fit.”  She warned and Justin shrugged.

They walked up to the bedroom and Justin looked at the small twin bed.  “It’s not so bad.”  He said as he started taking off his dirty clothes.  “It’s not like we haven’t slept in this bed before.”  He added with a playful smirk, hoping he could think of a way to bring Brian back to reality.  When the brunet did nothing except sit on the edge of the bed, Justin tried for a bit more.

“I remember the first time we had sex here.  Do you?”  He asked, now stripping far more slowly.  “It was right after we first met.  I was doing anything and everything to get your attention.”  He added and was pleased when he saw a slight smile grace Brian’s lips.  “Michael or Debbie called you, I don’t know which one.  But you showed up and were probably planning on giving me another speech about how you weren’t interested in me or never planned on fucking me again.  But I couldn’t have that.”  Justin stood naked in front of Brian and noticed the aroused scan Brian did of his body.

“So I went down on you.”  Justin murmured in a low, husky voice.  He knelt down in front of Brian and began undoing his pants so he could pull out the man’s cock.  “And after I did, you threw me on the bed and fucked my brains out.”

Brian actually let out a small laugh at that and then nodded.  “Yeah I remember.”  He murmured and then Justin slid his mouth over Brian’s cock.

He was pleased when Brian let out a low moan and reached down to dig his fingers in his hair.  Justin knew Brian, and knew that when he was feeling vulnerable – like he was right now – he needed mindless release.  That meant rough and hard, which he didn’t mind because he liked it that way as well.

He let his throat relax as Brian pushed and pulled his head.  His hands were at the base of Brian’s cock, gently playing with his balls.  Then, he felt something strange on one of them.  He immediately stopped and pulled his head back away from Brian’s cock.  It took a little extra effort because Brian was holding his head so firmly, but once the brunet realized he was trying to back away he let go.

“What?”  Brian asked, his voice torn between confusion and frustrated arousal.

Justin wiped his lips a little bit and then looked down towards Brian’s balls.  “It’s weird.  I thought I felt-.”  As he was reaching down to examine them again, Brian swiftly grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up onto the bed.  Before Justin really knew what was going on Brian had finished stripping and had a condom on his dick.

“There’s no lube.”  Brian said as a warning before spitting on his hand and rubbing it over the condom.  Justin spit on his hand and reached down to rub it on his opening, knowing it wasn’t going to be enough to smooth Brian’s entrance.  However, he didn’t care.  Justin, like Brian, wanted to forget about what had happened.  He wanted to forget that they were homeless.

* * *

Afterwards, the lay together on the small twin bed, panting.  Brian, unsurprisingly, had been emotionally unavailable during the entire encounter.  Justin was used to it though, and it didn’t bother him.  He knew that when Brian felt this way sex was a release.  Honestly, Justin was sure Brian would have been just as satisfied with a stranger – it was maybe even preferable so there was as little emotional response as possible.   _‘But I’m all that was available.’_   Justin thought to himself as he ran his fingers up and down Brian’s slightly sweaty chest.

 “I hate this fucking room.”  Brian suddenly murmured and Justin furrowed his brow at the seemingly random comment.  “And the wallpaper.  And the shitty bed.”

“Hey.  We had some good times on this shitty bed.”  Justin said defensively.  “Though I will admit I could stand for it to be bigger, it never seemed to be a problem for us when I was seventeen.”

“That’s because seventeen year old you was extremely flexible and let me take up most of the room.”  Brian said and Justin looked up to see a small smile on the man’s lips.  So maybe the crisis had passed already.

“Seventeen year old me also let you do very perverted things to him in this bed.  Remember when you snuck in here and we sucked each other off at the same time?”  Justin paused for a moment as he remembered nostalgically.  “That was the first time I’ve ever done that.”  He finished a moment later.

“Yeah, I know.”  Brian answered, surprisingly.  He then also began running his fingers through Justin’s hair.  “Then when Debbie found me here the next morning she nearly had a heart attack.”  Brian scoffed a bit and shook his head.  “She chewed me out for that, you know.  Said I was a bad influence and going to make you fall behind on your school work.”

“Really?”  Justin asked, unaware that had happened.  He felt Brian nod above him and then shrugged a little.  “I can see you didn’t care much.  You were here the next night again.”

“Had to continue your education.  Someone needed to be responsible for you.”

Justin just laughed a bit and shook his head.  “Oh please.  That was the _last_ thing you wanted.”

“I was there, wasn’t I?”  Brian asked in a somewhat defensive tone that made Justin pause.

“You mean…I was right?”  Justin asked, a slow smirk starting to form on his face.  Brian was in a good mood, and he wanted to increase it before he lost it.

“Right about what?”  Brian asked and raised an eyebrow as Justin straddled him and ran his hands up and down his chest.

“That you love me.  Madly.  Passionately.  Deeply.”  Justin poked at Brian’s sides, tickling him lightly.  The man chucked and squirmed beneath him.  Brian tried to grab his hands but Justin was moving them too quickly.  Brian let out a few laughs before playfully gripping Justin’s shoulders and flipping him over.

“Shut the fuck up.”  Brian said through his laughter before returning Justin’s attack and tickling his sides. 

Justin laughed loudly, but managed to wheeze out, “That wasn’t a no.”  That served to egg Brian on more who began tickling him faster.

“You little shit.”  Brian said, but he was smiling broadly and clearly enjoying himself.  Justin then managed to grab his hands and they wrestled about a little, which ended up with them falling onto the floor with a loud thump.

“Oww…”  Justin said, rubbing the back of his head a little as it had bumped against the wooden dresser.

“What the fuck kind of sex are you two having in there?!”  Debbie yelled at them from downstairs.

Brian just rolled his eyes and then helped Justin sit up.  Justin watched as Brian bent over him and examined the back of his head.  “Are you ok?”  He asked carefully rubbing the bump.

Justin couldn’t help but give a small, tender smile at Brian’s concern.  The man could be accused of being overly paranoid where it came to Justin’s head.  He couldn’t blame him either.  “I’m fine.”  He assured as he grabbed Brian’s hand and pulled it away.  “I barely felt it.”  He promised and Brian eyed him for a moment but then nodded and stood up.  Justin grabbed the hand offered to him and pulled himself up.

Brian sat on the edge of the bed, still naked.  Justin sat next to him and looked at him for a moment.  Brian kept his gaze out the window but wrapped an arm around Justin’s shoulder.  Justin leaned his head against Brian and cherished this rare show of affection.  Honestly, he had been expecting Brian to pull some kind of bullshit; either demand that they had to go out so he could get shit faced, try to push Justin off a cliff, or something.  But instead he got this.

Deciding not to push his luck, Justin tried once more to lighten the mood.  “Hey, do you remember that time you snuck in late one night and Debbie thought you were a trick?”  He asked as he looked up at Brian from the man’s shoulder.  He watched Brian chuckle a bit.

“Yeah.  Right at midnight she started banging on the wall saying it was against the rules.”  Brian said, looking down at Justin so their foreheads were pressed together.

“Then you shouted back that you weren’t done fucking me yet.”  Justin finished and the both let out a soft and tender laugh.  Justin felt Brian’s hand cup his cheek so he turned and kissed his palm, happy to get this kind of attention.  “And Debbie asked if you ever would be.”  Justin whispered realizing that there was an extreme sense of seriousness between them.   “Will you?”  Justin asked in a murmur, knowing full well Brian was aware of the real question.

Brian didn’t say anything, of course.  However, with his forehead pressed against Brian’s, he could feel the man shaking his head.


	7. Chapter 7

**Two weeks later.**

Life at Debbie’s was forcibly pleasant for the two lovers.  They struggled not to chafe under Debbie’s hovering presence.  Not to mention, they had both grown used to having space for themselves, even in the small apartment, and they didn’t have that at Debbie’s.  Whenever they got annoyed with one another they didn’t have a place to retreat to without getting the vivacious red-head involved – which neither of them wanted.

They were over courteous to each other which ruffled their feathers and made it difficult for them to spend time together.  The fact that they had to share a tiny, twin sized bed every night didn’t help.  Though Justin enjoyed laying close to him, and Brian didn’t even mind indulging him every once in a while, having to do it every night grated on both of them.

Currently, Justin was struggling to get into his uniform for Peppino’s in the cramped room while Brian sat on the bed working on his laptop.  The room itself was cramped with things their friends had given to them to help them restart from the fire.  As he was trying to tie his tie, Justin leaned over Brian’s shoulder and looked at what he was searching on the computer.  Brian immediately closed the lid and shot a sour glance to Justin.

“Do you mind?”  He asked stiffly and Justin chuckled a bit.

“What?  Were you watching porn?”  He asked playfully and gently jostled Brian’s shoulder.  The brunet stiffened and glared off in the distance so Justin didn’t see him.

“No.  Forget it.”  Brian said and set the laptop aside.  “Aren’t you going yet?”  He snapped and Justin sighed heavily.

“Yeah.”  Was all Justin said before grabbing his server apron and heading towards the door.  He glanced back at Brian and frowned slightly.  “Everything’s going to be fine.”  He assured and leaned over to press a kiss against Brian’s cheek, right on the edge of his lips.  Brian didn’t move, and made no attempt to return the sentiment.  He didn’t know how Justin could continue to be so optimistic when everything in their life continued to go wrong.

Justin quietly grabbed the keys from the dresser and left the room, leaving Brian to brood by himself.  Once he was alone, Brian opened the laptop back up and continued reading an email that he hadn’t wanted Justin to see.  It was a rejection letter for another job he had applied for.

His inbox was full of them.

* * *

Justin was trying not to let Brian’s poor attitude get to him.  Starting his shift off in a bad mood was not something he wanted to do – it always made him get worse tips and that wasn’t something they could afford right now.  So, as he walked into the restaurant, he forced a smile upon his face and greeted his co-workers with a bright attitude.  He walked all the way to the back where he finished getting ready and clocked in.  He ran his hands through his hair once to calm himself before hitting the floor.  Then, he did a quick scan of his section to make sure that all of his tables were clean and ready to go.  As he did this, a familiar figure caught his attention.  It was the older woman who had recently lost her husband.  She was back in the restaurant and sipping a soup.

He remembered what she had told him about her large home, and how she no longer had anyone to help her take care of it.  Suddenly, an idea popped in his head.

He made a beeline for her, accidentally bumping into one of his coworkers.  After helping the man catch some glasses he was carrying on a tray before they fell, Justin apologized and finished closing the distance between himself and the woman.  “Hi.”  He greeted as he hovered around her table.

The woman looked a little surprised that someone had spoken to her, and slowly raised her tired eyes up at him.  Immediately they brightened with recognition.  “Oh, Justin Dear.  Hello.  How are you?”  She asked kindly, reaching out a hand to touch his arm.

“Well, I’m doing alright.  Except, my apartment burned down.”  He said awkwardly, not used to talking about his problems with strangers.

“Oh no!”  She exclaimed dramatically.  “Are you alright?”  She demanded, tugging Justin down to sit across from her.  He glanced over to his section to make sure he hadn’t been sat, and when he saw that he hadn’t he relaxed in the chair.

“I suppose.  My partner and I are staying with a friend right now.  But we are looking for something better.”  He explained and then shrugged a little.  “That’s why I was glad I saw you…I remember you saying you needed help caring for your home.  My partner and I would be willing to work for you for room and board.  If you haven’t hired anyone, that is.”  He said, wondering if he was being too forward.

However, she practically jumped up in her seat at the idea.  She pulled her hand back to clap lightly.  “Yes, yes!  I need help.  It’s been weeks since my house has been tended too.  I just don’t know how.  And you are such a sweet dear.  I would trust you in my home.  Especially with you and your partner in such dire straights.”  She said and placed a hand over her heart.  “Oh this is such a relief.  I thought I’d have to sink so low as to have one of those _illegals_ do my yard work.”  She murmured conspiratorially.

The comment struck Justin as odd, but he merely nodded and forced a smile.  “Thank you, thank you so much, Beatrice.”  He said, going so far as to stand and give her a hug. 

Finally things were beginning to look up for them.

* * *

“She’ll let us live in her house, Brian. Isn’t that great?  We would have plenty of space; which we clearly need.”  He added as he paced in Debbie’s living room.  Brian was sitting on the armchair and watching him intently.  He gave a reluctant nod of agreement.  They clearly needed space from each other, and he wanted to get out from Debbie’s watchful eyes as soon as possible.  In fact, they wouldn’t even be having this conversation in the living room if Debbie wasn’t at the diner working.

“I can see why you think this is a good idea.”  Brian said calmly and laced his fingers together.

“Oh, and you don’t?”  Justin asked, pausing in his celebratory pacing to eye Brian.  Brian held his hands up defensively.

“I just don’t think we should agree immediately.  You barely know this woman, Justin.”  He pointed out as he leaned his elbows over his knees.

“So?  She’s an eighty year old woman.  It’s not like she’s going to kill us in her sleep.  If anything she should be afraid of us doing that to her.”  Justin responded as he placed his hands on hips.  Brian shrugged and didn’t answer right away.  Instead, he shook his head a bit and let his gaze fall on the floor.

Justin let him think for a moment before walking over to the armchair and sitting on the edge.  He put one hand around Brian’s shoulder and used his other to run his fingers through Brian’s thick hair.  “Brian…I know that this is hard.  But I really feel like this is a good idea.  If we don’t take her offer we are going to be stuck here.  And we’re one bad glance away from tearing each other apart.  Excuse me because I’m about to sound sappy but…I don’t want to jeopardize what we have.  We’ve gotten to a place where we’re both good with this and if we stay here I think that’s going to go away.”  He said as he rested both of his hands on Brian’s shoulders and massaged them a bit.

Brian hung his head down and shook it a bit.  “You’re right.”  Brian agreed as he suddenly leaned back in the armchair.   He looped one arm back behind Justin as he sat precariously on the edge, and tugged him so he slid into the chair, onto his lap.  “One of us is going to say something we don’t mean if we stay here.”  He agreed and ran his hands down under Justin’s button up shirt.  “And we have to leave to get away from Deb.  Meddling old hag.”  He muttered the last part with clear affection in his voice, but the fact remained that they did better by themselves when no one interfered with their relationship.

Justin turned so he was straddling Brian and wrapped his arms around his neck. He then bent down and pressed their foreheads together.  “The house is in West Virginia, but it’s only half an hour outside of Pittsburgh.  I’ll quit Peppino’s and the diner, but we’ll still be close enough to see everyone.  It won’t be so bad, Bri.  I promise.  And, when we get everything back together we can leave.  It’s not permanent.”  He assured before dropping a soft, whisper of a kiss on Brian’s lips.

Brian rested his hands beneath Justin’s shirt, on his sides, and nodded.  Justin was trying so hard to make things work out for them, which was good because the further they sank the more and more hope he lost; one of them had to keep it together.  He was just waiting for something to go wrong at this woman’s house.  Things didn’t just happen for them.  They worked hard to get some kind of life together and then it was stolen from them.  That’s what happened to them.

Soon, Justin began grinding on against him and they ended up fucking right on the armchair.  They were still naked and cooling down when Debbie walked in the door.  Brian couldn’t feel an ounce of shame no matter how hard she yelled about cum stains on her furniture.  It went a long way toward cheering him up.

* * *

“This should be enough clothes.”  Justin said as he and Brian finished picking up some to replace the ones they had lost in the fire.  Up until that point they’d been wearing borrowed clothes from their friends.  Justin had used the last of his tips to get enough clothes and supplies for the both of them; toothbrushes, deodorant and the like.  When they finished they carried the bags to the ‘vette and started driving out to West Virginia.

“So what did your dick of a boss say when you quit?”  Brian asked, one hand on the wheel and one casually resting on his thigh.

“Debbie or Roger?”  Justin asked playfully and earned a light smack on his arm for it.  They both chuckled briefly before Justin shrugged and spoke a little more seriously.  “He said it was highly irresponsible of me and that he wouldn’t consider hiring me back or offering a good reference if I did it.”  Justin spoke as if he didn’t care, but Brian could tell that he did.

“Well, you won’t need one anyways.”  Brian said dismissively, but the comment struck Justin as odd, and somewhat hurtful.

He turned to face the brunet and eyed him a little.  “What do you mean?”  He asked tightly.

Brian shrugged.  “Nothing.  Just that you won’t need him for a reference.”

“Why not?”  Justin asked and even shifted so more of him was facing Brian, in a semi-aggressive stance.  “Because I’m not ever going to get a real job?”  He asked defensively.

“God, Princess, will you calm down?”  Brian asked, casting him a withering glance.  “I just meant that his opinion is crap.  Also, you are going to be an artist.  Any agent you get isn’t to call up some shitty restaurant manager you worked for years before.  All they care about is your art, and your name.  Branding is everything, Sunshine.”  Brian assured as he turned off the highway and onto the side roads, following the printed out directions to the manor.

“I guess.”  Justin admitted reluctantly.  However, he doubted that he’d ever reach a point in his life where an agent would represent him.  All he could really hope for is that his art becomes famous after he is dead.

He turned back to look at the passing scenery, distantly thinking about how lovely the area was.  It was lightly forested with tall trees whose leaves were still changing color.  It made him smile a little until one of the house numbers caught his attention.  “There!  Brian, it’s here.”  He pointed excitedly and looked past the wrought iron gate connected to the brick wall surrounding the property.

Brian slowed the car and backed up a little so he could turn into the short drive before the gate.  They both eyed the sides but could see no intercom.  “Here.”  Justin suggested and got out of the car to push it open.  Brian drove through and Justin closed it up behind him before getting back into the car.  Then, they rode up the long drive to the manor situated in the middle of the property.  The pavement was lined with tall, elegant trees and Justin already knew that he was going to enjoy staying here.

Brian finished driving up until they reached a circular bend in front of the house.  He pulled to a stop and the tired crunched to a halt on the gravel pavment.  They glanced at each other and each took a deep breath before getting out of the car.  They only had a bag each, so they grabbed their things before stepping up to the front door.  Brian gave a firm knock on it.

“This place is beautiful.”  Justin commented as he reached out to touch the tender vines that trailed up the side of the house.

“Yeah, I guess.”  Brian murmured, clearly less enthused.  Justin just reached out and patted his arm in support.  They remained standing there together for a few moments, long enough for Brian to knock again.  Afterwards, it only took a few more seconds for it to open.

At first, Beatrice eyed them suspiciously over a pair of glasses that Justin had never seen her wear before.  Then, recognition lit her eyes and she smiled at him brightly.  “Oh Justin, Dear!  Come in, come in.”  She said, waving them both into the entryway.  “You must be Justin’s partner.”  She said as she looked up at Brian.

“Yeah.”  Brian answered stiffly but then Justin elbowed him in the side and flashed her a bright smile.

“This is Brian.”  Justin introduced and motioned to him.  “Brian, this is Beatrice.”  He finished and then looked back to the woman.  “Thank you again for this.  You have no idea how much we appreciate it.”  Justin simpered as he offered her a hug.

“Of course.  Besides, I really need the help.  I’m just not able to do the things I used to.”  She admitted sadly.  “And with my husband gone…Well, there’s just so much that needs doing around this place.”  She finished with a wistful sigh and a sad smile. 

Justin and Brian exchanged awkward glances to each other.  Justin then smiled and stepped forward.  “Why don’t you show us around?”  He asked and Beatrice nodded swiftly.

“Oh yes, of course, of course.”  She said and motioned for them to follow her.

As Justin walked through the main floor he couldn’t help but smile.  The place was beautiful, and if he could ever own a house of his own, he’d want it to be exactly like this.  The house felt old, but looked modern.  Dark, smooth wood made up the walls, which were covered with tasteful piece of art.  The manor itself was sprawling, with one room leading into another, and another.

The kitchen was Justin’s favorite room, as it had top of the line appliances, ones that were very similar to those Brian had in his loft that he had to say goodbye to when this all started.  He was anxious to get back to making his elaborate meals.  He caught Brian’s eye as they walked through it and the brunet nudged him playfully and knowingly.  Justin smiled bashfully and grabbed Brian’s hand to give it one brief squeeze.

The tour continued upstairs, where Beatrice showed them the master bedroom, and then some spare bathrooms and closets.  Finally they got towards the back of the house and she motioned to two rooms on opposite sides of the hallway.  “Here are two guest rooms that you may sleep in.”  She said, smiling between the two of them.  “And don’t worry, they’re both the same size, and have the same furniture.  They were for my grandchildren.  When they came to visit.”  She finished with a hint of longing.

Justin turned and looked at Brian shocked, as if the man would have some answers for him.  Brian just motioned for him to explain as this it was his fault there were there.  “I’m sorry, Beatrice but…Brian and I won’t be needing two bedrooms.”

She blinked a few times and looked at him as if she couldn’t understand what he was saying. “Why wouldn’t you?”  She asked, slowly shaking her head.

Justin realized then that she didn’t know they were gay.  She must have mistaken partners for business partners.  He felt uncomfortable, not that he was ashamed of who he was – because that was never the case - but because he didn’t know how she would react and neither of them could afford to lose this job.  “Beatrice…”  He said slowly as he scratched the back of his neck.  “I thought you understoond that Brian and I…”  He waved his hand between himself and his partner.  “We aren’t business partners.  We’re life partners.  We’re – We’re gay.”  He said and then grabbed Brian’s hand for emphasis.  He knew Brian would normally detest such a display, but Brian was a proud man, particularly of his sexuality, and he would stand proudly by Justin.

Beatrice’s expression went from confused to disgusted in a matter of milliseconds.  Justin tightened his hold on Brian’s hand and stood up a bit straighter, refusing to be ashamed for who or how he loved.

“This is ridiculous.  Sinners, in _my_ home.”  Beatrice shoved past them and started walking down the stairs.  “Get out!  I mean it.  I can’t stand to allow such debase sinners to stay in my home.”  Her voice quivered with her stubborn conviction.

Brian sighed and let go of Justin’s hand to pressed his hand against his face in frustration.  Justin glanced up at him and could see defeat written in every hard line in Brian’s body.  He felt guilty, knowing that his misunderstanding with Beatrice was causing this.  Determined, he wasn’t going to let another thing knock Brian down.  They _would_ get settled, and Brian _would_ make Kinnetik work.  It might not be soon, but it would happen; nothing could keep his lover down.

“Wait.”  He demanded and moved himself so he was standing in front of her.  “Please.”  He added when she looked even more offended.

Beatrice put her hands on his hips and somehow managed to look down her nose at him, even though he was taller than her.  He ignored it and sighed.  “Listen, you know what a bind me and Brian are in.  I’m sorry that I wasn’t clear enough about our situation, but is it really the Christian thing to do to throw us out onto the street?  We have nowhere to go.”  He emphasized, even though it wasn’t totally true.  They could go back to Debbie's if it was necessary, but Justin only want to do that as a last resort.

Beatrice’s lips pursed and she rolled her eyes to show what she thought of his argument, but Justin wouldn’t be defeated so easily.  He cast another look at his partner who was now leaning against a wall, silently watching.  “We’re hard workers, both of us.  You _need_ the help.”  He said, trying a different tactic.  “This place is huge and how do you think you’re going to manage it yourself?  You already told me at Peppino’s that you were overwhelmed without your husband.”  He reminded and could see her shift just a bit.

Realizing that he was on the right track, Justin barreled on.  “All we need is room and board.  You don’t have to pay us.”  He said and ignored Brian’s immediately huff of protest.  He knew right now was not the time to get picky about finances.

All three of them were silent for a few, long moments, before Justin quietly added, “How much longer do you think you can handle this place on your own?”

Beatrice looked around the hallway and then shook her head.  “Fine.”  She snapped as him as she let her arms drop.  “But I will not be having two sinners living under my roof.  You can stay in the guest house.”  She spoke with finality.

Justin smiled with relief and nodded swiftly.  “That’s fine.”  He said and looked at Brian.  Oddly enough, he couldn’t tell what the man was thinking by the expression on his face, but he hoped he would be ok with this.

Beatrice started walking away, apparently to lead them out the back where the guest house was.  Justin and Brian lingered several paces behind her.  Justin looked up at him, trying to glean some insight into what the man was thinking.  Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and then wrapped his arms around Justin’s shoulders.  Relieved, Justin looked forward.

* * *

“Maybe we should have let her kick us out.”  Brian groused in frustration as they worked at clearing out the horse’s stalls.

“Brian…”  Justin warned, not really in any mood to put up with him.

“We are literally shoveling shit.  We’re better than this.  _I’m_ better than this.”  Brian added with a scowl as he heaved a shovel full of horse manure into a wheel barrel.

“It’s just temporary.  This is all buildup from when no one was working on maintaining it.  It won’t be this bad again.”  Justin stated, trying to remain optimistic.  In response, Brian rolled his eyes at him, but at least he continued working.  Justin’s hands were starting to blister, but he didn’t murmur a word of dissension, lest he contribute to Brian’s increasingly poor attitude.  He just silently worked, and hoped that they would be finished soon.

The tasks they had been given for their first day of work were meant to humiliate them; at least, that’s what Justin suspected.  Not only were they to shovel out the barn, but they were supposed to fix the radiator that heated the manor.  However, the only way to do that was in a small crawl space in the basement.  Justin knew that he would have to be the one to do it, as Brian’s shoulders were too wide, and he was already dreading what he would find down there.

Not to mention the guest house, if it could be called that, was more a shack than a small home.  There was a bedroom, a bathroom, and a small living area.  The walls were thin with age and it was drafty.  Justin worried about getting it ready for the first storm of winter, but knew that if they didn’t appease Beatrice they wouldn’t even have a shack to sleep in.  They would have to finish all of her tasks before they could even think about making their new home livable.

They finished shoveling out the stalls in silence, and when they were done Brian wheeled out the pile on the wheel barrel and Justin led the three horses back into their stalls.  The sun was already set by the time they finished.  They ate a light dinner, as Justin wasn’t inclined to cook, and showered together, and then collapsed onto the bed.

Regardless of how tired they were, both men had trouble getting to sleep.

* * *

** The Next Day. **

Justin was scowling as he glared at the crawl space he had to go into.  The day had already started poorly with Brian and him getting into an argument, had only gotten worse when Justin had burned their breakfast, and was topped off by some derogatory remarks from Beatrice.  After Brian got to work moving some of Beatrice’s husband’s things into the attic, Justin went down into the basement by himself.

He coughed a few times and covered his mouth as he had to move through dust covered cobwebs.  While the rest of the manor looked regal, the basement looked decrepit and archaic.  He waved away a cobweb as he walked deeper and pushed aside several boxes and a dresser.  He eventually found the crawlspace and shuddered a little.  He lifted up the lid and peered through.  He reached into his back pocket where he had stashed a flashlight.

 He flipped it on and pointed it through the hole, revealing a dirt covered, spider ridden, crawl space just about the same width apart as him.  He shuddered slightly and cringed.  He then pulled himself up into it.  He held the flashlight up in one hand and slowly crawled forward with the other.  “Oh god…”  He moaned as he began crawling through.  He kept his head ducked down as he shimmied though the small opening, but he could still feel webs hitting his face and covering his mouth.

When he got through to the other side he squirmed and swiftly tried brushing everything off of himself.  When he was free from the webs and dirt, he looked around and saw he was in a small cubby like area.  Beatrice explained that it was in such an odd place because of the various extensions put on the house.

_‘At least I cleared everything out on the way in here.’_   Justin thought to himself sardonically.  He walked up to the heater and began looking around it.  He really had no experience in this.  He scowled and tilted his head to peer at one side of it.  Seeing nothing out of the ordinary he tilted his head to the other side to inspect it as well.  Still nothing.

He lifted up the lid and coughed as smoke rose up to greet him.  Justin shut his eyes and waved a hand in front of his face as he grimaced.  He shined the light into the furnace and peered around inside.  He then walked to the side and pulled down a lever to turn it on.  There was a low rumble as the furnace tried to roar to life, however, instead of a fire blazing up, it only let out even more smoke.

Justin coughed again and wiped at his face, getting his hand covered in black grime.  He wiped it on his pants, knowing that his clothes were going to be a lost cause anyways, and then focused on the furnace again.  “Ok, tell me your secrets.”

* * *

By the time Justin took a break for lunch he hadn’t made any headway on figuring out what was wrong with the furnace.  However, he was hungry and so made his way back through the crawl space and up the stairs. The house had grown significantly colder and a quick look out a window told him why.

Snow was falling heavily, as it typically did in the first storm of winter.  He scowled, wondering what this would mean for him and Brian, but then went into the kitchen to find something to eat.  He quickly washed off his hands and face before tugging open the fridge to find something quick inside.

“Any luck?”  Brian asked suddenly showing up behind him.  Justin jumped and spun, placing a hand over his chest.

“Shit, you gave me a heart attack.”  Justin said as he chuckled.

Brian smiled a little as he closed the distance between then.  He grabbed the edge of Justin’s once white shirt between his thumb and pointer finger and rose his eyebrows in question.  “It looks like you’ve lost the battle.”

“You have no idea.”  Justin muttered as he turned back to the fridge and pulled out an apple.

“Oh I can imagine.”  Justin could hear the smirk on Brian’s lips and rolled his eyes.  He then heard the sink start to run and was gently turned around.  “Here.”  Brian said softly as he began wiping some of the grim off Justin’s face.

“I have to go back down.  I didn’t really accomplish anything yet, and with this storm -.”

Brian hushed him by placing a couple of fingers over his lips.  He then went back to work at cleaning Justin off.  Every few wipes he would turn back and run the rag through the water again, ring it out, and then gently dab at another part of Justin’s face.  By the time Brian was finished with his ministrations, Justin’s face and neck were clean and he felt significantly better.

“Thanks.”  He said in an almost whisper when Brian stepped back.  Brian just nodded at him before bending to capture his lips in a soft kiss.

Justin was amazed at this behavior.  It was so unlike Brian and he couldn’t fathom where it was coming from.  Brian was being overly solicitous, tender, and even loving.  When Justin knew that the man was chaffing at their new living conditions he couldn’t imagine what was causing him to act like this.

As quickly as he began wondering, he decided it didn’t matter.  This easy-going Brian was easy to get along with, so Justin soaked as much of it in as possible before they had to part ways again.  Justin, back to the furnace, and Brian back to the attic.

Going through the crawl space wasn’t nearly as difficult as it was the first time and Justin reached the other opening quickly.  He approached the furnace with a determined look on his face.  “You’re not going to beat me again.”

* * *

** Later That Night. **

Justin rushed through the snow to the guest house as quickly as he could.  He was shivering and clutching his arms around himself as tightly as he could manage.  When he shut the door behind him it closed with a loud bang and he turned back, surprised as how hard it was blowing outside.  “Shit…”  He said, as soon as he realized that it wasn’t any warmer in the guest house.

He walked to the bathroom, stripping out of his grime covered clothes, and swiftly turned on the shower.  It took a long time for the water to warm up, and by the time that it did Brian entered the small shack as well.  His partner didn’t hesitate in joining him in the shower, but their washing was quick and efficient without even a hint of foreplay.  Both men were simply too exhausted.

When they got out, the cold hit Justin like a ton of bricks and his body clenched up immediately.  Brian was swift to act, grabbing towels and wrapping them around him, ignoring his own coldness.  Justin flashed him an appreciative smile, but was still shivering too much to get any words out.  He watched as Brian took care of himself next and then they walked to the bed.

Justin insisted that they wear clothes, simply because he was afraid they would get hypothermia if they didn’t wear layers.  Brian didn’t argue and they dressed quickly before sliding beneath the only blanket in the shack.  Justin shivered in the cold bed and shimmied over to Brian, wrapping his arms tightly around him as he did so.  Brian reciprocated, and Justin cold feel light shakes wracking Brian’s body as well.

They clung onto each other all night long, shivering and chattering their teeth.  The storm howled outside, seeming to get stronger and stronger with each passing hour.  Eventually, Justin fell into a light and restless sleep, listening to the wind and snow slam against their thin walls.

When he woke he was sore from shaking all night long he found Brian curled tightly around him, almost protectively.  He looked at their limbs, tangled together so closely even he felt constricted.  “Bri?”  He asked, his voice cracking just a bit in as he was still waking up.

Brian shifted above him, clearly awake, but he didn’t let him go.  Eventually, Justin felt Brian’s cold nose press against his neck and the man exhaled heavily.  “You were shivering all night long.”  Brian answered.  “I couldn’t get you warm enough to stop.”  The concern and fear Brian felt were prevalent in his voice.

Justin leaned back out of Brian’s arms so he could get a good look at his face.  Brian looked ragged and exhausted.  _‘He didn’t sleep.’_   Justin realized, his heart swelling up immensely.  He squirmed his arm up between them and touched the heavy bags beneath Brian’s eyes.  Justin then tentatively tilted his head in and placed a soft kiss on Brian’s lips.  “I’m alright.”  He assured softly.

Brian nodded a little and then pressed loving kisses on Justin’s forehead, nose, and then lips.  Justin laughed a little and then laid his head back onto the pillow, gazing up at Brian above him.  “What’s gotten into you?”  He asked in a whisper and watched as Brian’s forehead furrowed together in confusion.

“What do you mean?”  He asked as he shifted so Justin was flat on his back.  He twirled a few strands of Justin’s hair between his fingers and smiled a little.

“This.  It’s…not like you.  Ever since we got here you’ve been different.  Gentler…Loving.”  Justin added the last bit with an obvious sense of hesitation.

At the insinuation that he was acting the part of doting partner, both of Brian’s eyebrows shot up.  Then, there was a brief flash of hurt on his face, which was quickly covered by indifference and arrogance.  Justin knew instantly he’d made a mistake at mentioning it and opened his mouth to try and take it back, but Brian was already rolling off of him.

“Well excuse fucking me.”  Brian muttered under his breath as he walked to the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Justin sighed and pressed a hand to his forehead.  “Way to go, Justin.”  He cursed himself.

He remained laying back in the bed and sighed heavily.  After a few moments he slowly rolled off of the bed and grabbed a change of clothes to throw on, making sure to layer up.  He couldn’t hear the storm raging any longer, but he knew there would be a thick layer of snow covering the ground and it was a long walk between the manor and the guest house.

The whole next day Brian more or less avoided him.  They ate lunch together, as they did the day before, but Brian didn’t say a word to him and didn’t even touch him.  Justin tried to make conversation a few times, but after receiving nothing in reply he got the hint that Brian didn’t want to talk to him.  By the end of their third day at the manor Justin had finished fixing the furnace and was extremely pleased with himself.  As he heard the furnace roar to life for the first time he couldn’t help but beam with pride.  He had wanted to share that with Brian, but as they cleaned up after a hard day in their small bathroom Brian still wouldn’t speak to him.  They went to bed not speaking and Justin knew that, had they still been in Pittsburgh, Brian would have left for Babylon hours earlier.

However, Justin continued to shiver that night so much that he couldn’t fall asleep.  Even with the fire blazing he couldn’t seem to get any warmth.  Suddenly, he felt Brian’s arms around him.  Justin flinched from surprise but said nothing, knowing better than to open his mouth again.

They remained that way for nearly an hour, but Justin still couldn’t get warm enough to fall asleep. Eventually he heard Brian curse behind him and suddenly tear away from the bed.  Thinking he had angered him somehow, Justin sat up and watched.  “I’m sorry.”  He murmured.

“Get up.”  Brian ordered in a tone that brokered no argument.

Scared that Brian was angry at him for making him lose another night of sleep, Justin was quick to comply.  He rolled out of the bed and wrapped his arms around his chest as he continued to shiver in the cold air.

Brian then, with a surprising amount of care, took Justin by the shoulders and directed him to stand off to the side.  Brian then grabbed the bed and braced himself.  With a strong heave he dragged it from the frame and pulled it to the floor.  He then brought it up to the fireplace where he placed it at a safe distance. 

Silently, he waved his hand to it as if displaying it.  Justin smiled a little at Brian’s solution and then walked to the mattress.  He slid into it and squirmed underneath the blanket.

“Other side.”  Brian said, using his foot to push Justin to the side closest the fire.  Justin shimmied over and left enough room for Brian as well.

Brian bent down and slid into the bed.  He shifted until he was flush against Justin’s back and wrapped his arms around him securely.  Justin was facing the fire, and had his arms tucked in underneath Brian’s.  He adjusted his head until it was resting just right on the crook of Brian’s arm.  He then let out a sigh of contentment and closed his eyes.

He’d never felt more warm in his entire life.

* * *

Over the next week, he and Brian managed to get settled into a pattern in the manor.  While they ignored Beatrice’s many,  _many_ , homophobic comments, they were able to focus on taking care of the place.  Justin primarily cared for Beatrice’s needs, such as cooking meals and caring for the house.  Meanwhile, Brian worked on the many renovations that were needed on the property; primarily in the guest house.

There was little he could do to make it more insulated and warm, but he hung up blankets he found in the house around the walls made a stockpile of wood near the fireplace.  It was hard to do so the first few days after the storm, but once the snow finally melted he was able to get a good supply.

He also reinforced some weak wood in the barn for the horses.  While he did he was able to spend some time with the animals and found he actually liked them.  They were quiet, minded their own business, and didn’t care how foul is mood was.

At the end of their first week in the manor Brian was sitting at the kitchen table eating the dinner Justin had made when he heard the man coming down the stairs.  Having just delivered the dinner to Beatrice, Justin came down and sat across from him.  He grabbed his own plate and began eating.

“It’s good.”  Brian said suddenly and Justin looked up with a small smile.

“Thanks.”  He answered, enjoying the food as well.

Brian snickered then and shook his head.  “I didn’t mean your dinner.”  Brian said, but then motioned to the plate.  “But it is good.”  He assured, and Justin smiled at him, relieved.  It meant a lot to him that Brian enjoyed his food, ever since the very first time he’d cooked for him.

“No.  What I meant was being here.”  Brian motioned to the area around them.  “It isn’t so bad.  I mean, sure, I could do without the constant ‘fag’ and ‘sinner’ comments.  But really it isn’t that bad.  Not like I thought.”  He added the last part at the end, as if it was an afterthought.

Justin looked at him for a moment and then suddenly pushed away from the table.  He walked around it and pulled Brian up to his feet.  “Come here.”  He said and smiled at Brian’s amused and indulgent grin.  Justin wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck and began swaying as if they were at Babylon.

By the look in Brian’s eyes it was clear that he was catching on, so he joined in as well.  He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Justin’s and then laughed a little.  As they swayed he captured Justin’s lips in a deep and penetrating kiss.  Justin dug his hands into Brian’s thick hair and pressed his body as tightly against him as he could manage.

They were at it for several minutes before a slamming glass caught their attention.  Justin jumped and turned away, his heart pounding both from the surprise and the mind blowing kiss.  Beatrice was standing at the entrance of the kitchen with the look of indignant fury written across her face.

“I let you stay and work here.  But I won’t allow for you to sin in my home.”  She demanded angrily, then crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her nose up in the air.

“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.  Listen lady-.”  Brian started, breaking away from Justin and approaching her.

Justin suddenly reached out and grabbed his arm to stop his approach.  “Brian.”  He warned in a whisper.  Brian had his jaw jutted out as he always did when he was angry and his hands were clenched at his side.  Justin watched some kind of inner debate take place in Brian’s eyes, then he saw Brian turn and leave with relief.

He then turned to Beatrice and smiled sadly.  “Please…We’re trying to be considerate.  I guess a little more understanding needs to happen.  On both sides.”  He added the last part quickly, hoping to placate her.

Beatrice eyed him a little, then turned and left with a little shake of her head.  Justin just remained standing there and ran a hand over his face.  He then folded his arms over his chest and slowly followed after Brian back into the kitchen.  His partner was cleaning up the dishes and Justin smiled a little.

“We should head out soon.  It’s starting to fall again and we don’t want to have to trek through a foot of snow.”  Brian said without even lifting his head.  Justin nodded in agreement and closed the distance between them.

He walked up behind Brian and massaged his shoulders.  Brian was tense beneath his hands, but after a few moments of Justin’s ministrations he began loosening up.

“I’m going to kill that old hag if she calls us sinners one more time.”  Brian said, but this time it was with a little smile.  He wiped his hands on a towel and then turned back to Justin.  Justin leaned up and kissed his lips softly.

“We’ll show her.”  Justin promised.

They left the manor then, and held each other as they walked through the slowly falling snow.  After a quick shower, filled with plenty of heavy petting, they put the bed back down in front of the fireplace and slowly made love.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, HUGE apologies for the length of time it took to get this out. I could list off excuses but they don't really matter. On the plus side, the last two chapters are already written so it won't happen again. Promise!

“No!  God, Brian!  That’s way too much fucking salt.”  Justin roughly grabbed Brian’s arm and jerked it away from the bowl of partially mashed potatoes.

“Well what the fuck did you expect from me?  You said put in salt.”  Brian defended himself in a terse whisper.  He pulled his arm from Justin’s hold and slammed the salt on the counter.  “Why did you think I would know the _exact_ right amount?  When have I given you reason to think that I know anything about cooking?”  He grabbed the wooden spoon Justin had given him to mash up the potatoes and continued mixing them up.

“Just forget it.  I’ll do it.”  Justin snapped back and pulled the bowl and spoon from Brian’s hand.

“Fine!”  Brian shouted and stomped out of the kitchen.  He didn’t get far, however, when he stopped and sighed.  He leaned to the side against the door frame and closed his eyes in frustration.  He wasn’t frustrated at Justin – not really.  He was beyond angry at Beatrice for forcing them to making a Thanksgiving feast for her and her ‘closest’ friends.

Meanwhile, he and Justin were stuck at the manor while their family gathered together.  Typically, Brian would be glad for the excuse to opt out, but he knew Justin had been disappointed on missing out and he had been wanting to spend some time with Gus.  Ever since moving out to West Virginia what little time he spent with his son was next to nothing and he missed the little guy.  He had been counting on a full day with him until Beatrice sprung this on them last minute.

He slowly turned back around and watched Justin struggle to stir the potatoes while checking on the turkey in the oven.  Brian quirked his lips to one side and walked back in.  He said nothing, but reached for the mixing bowl.  Justin looked at him for a moment, and then handed it over with a slight smile.  Brian smirked down at him and then continued stirring.

Justin then popped open the oven and basted the turkey a few times.  “It won’t be so bad.”  He said suddenly, not turning to look at Brian.  That was a sign to him that Justin was about to say something he wouldn’t like.  Justin never made eye contact when he was going to say something like that.  “I know how much you want to see Gus but we can just hurry this along and then-.”

“You mean this Thanksgiving brunch from Hell?”  Brian muttered as he set the bowl down and covered it up with a towel.  “You know how bad Beatrice is.  Imagine how her friends will be.  If one of these old hags calls me a sinner I might pour gravy all over them.”

Justin chuckled at that a little.  “She’s gotten better the past few weeks.”  He pointed out and Brian rolled his eyes.

“Sure, Sunshine.”  Brian muttered, unwilling to get into an argument with him about it, even though he was certain Justin was wrong.  As far as he was concerned, Beatrice was even worse than the first day they had arrived.  The only reason he put up with it was for Justin’s sake.  If he got them fired from this job then they would be homeless, or forced back to live with Debbie.  Justin would have to go back to working triple shifts and become a skeleton again.

He glanced to his partner, who was now his regular weight; slim and healthy and strong.  He could put up with some bigots if it guaranteed he stayed that way.  He leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to Justin’s head and moved onto the next task Justin had asked of him; the salad. 

When it came time to actually serve the meal, the two were lucky in that the most that was required of them was setting the table ad refilling drinks.  They were able to spend majority of the time in the kitchen, but whenever they did have to venture out they were the subject of cruel taunts and remarks by her friends.  Standing together, it was easy to ignore them.  It was hardly the first time either of them had been mocked for who they were and they knew it wouldn’t be the last.

When it was finally over, they quickly cleaned up and told Beatrice they were leaving.  Though she tried to protest, they ignored her and quickly drove back to Pittsburgh.

By the time they got to Debbie’s it was night and Brian was worried that the girls would have already left with Gus.  “I called them.”  Justin told him suddenly, seemingly reading his mind.  “I called them earlier and said we would be there late.  They promised to stay so you could spend time with him.”

Brian only nodded, not wanting to openly admit that he had really been worried about that.  Justin knew him too well as it was, he didn’t need validation that he could actually read his mind.

When they finally arrived neither could wait to get out of the car and spend some time with their family.  They had spent the last few weeks trapped out in West Virginia and needed a break.  Brian rushed up the steps and opened the door, immediately scanning the living room for Gus.  He then smiled brightly and felt as if the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders.  “Sonny Boy.”  He said and the boy turned his head swiftly.

“Daddy!”  The child stood up and ran to him, running into his legs.  Brian chuckled and bent, scooping him up into his arms.

“Hey.  Miss me?”  Brian asked softly as he held Gus close to him, amazed at how good it felt to have his son in his arms.

“Yup!”  Gus said, nodding against him.  Brian smiled a little bit more.  He then turned a bit as Justin closed the door behind him.

“Guess who I brought with me.”  Brian said and Gus gasped with wide eyes.

“Jussy!”  Gus exclaimed and then reached his arms out.  He squirmed in his father’s arms and tried his hardest to get to Justin.

Brian smiled indulgently and held him out to his partner.  Justin was quick to scoop him up and hugged him close.  “Hey Big Man.”  Justin greeted with a smile, and then pressed a kiss against Gus’ head.

“I missed you.”  Gus said in a whisper against his ear and Justin glanced to Brian who was gazing at his son with open adoration.

“We missed you too.”  Justin assured before setting Gus down on the floor.  “Now, why don’t Daddy and I get something to eat and then we can all have some dessert.”  Justin suggested and Gus let out a whoop of celebration and grabbed Brian’s hand before racing off to the table.

Justin lingered behind to give them some time together.  He walked over to Lindsay and Melanie sitting on the couch and sat next to them.  He cast one last quick glance to Brian with his son and then smiled at them.  “Thank you.”  He said softly and they both nodded in understanding.

Debbie ended up bringing Justin a plate of food while Brian mostly just played with his to entertain Gus.  While father and son bonded, Justin told the other three what life was like out in West Virginia.

“It isn’t so bad.  Most days we barely even see Beatrice.  Brian avoids her like the plague, which really is a good thing.  They’re both stubborn people and honestly its best if they don’t interact.  She isn’t so bad with me, but I only see her a few times a day when bringing her meals.”  Justin explained with a shrug as he took a quick bite of the turkey.

“It’s a beautiful place, though.  The manor is huge and warm and…”  Justin smiled brightly just thinking about it.  He would love to live in a home like that – of course, he’d want Beatrice to be far away.  “And the property is so big.  She has three horses – Brian takes care of them – and so she needs a lot of room.  There are trees and even a small river that goes along the back.”  He continued in a wistful tone.

“It sounds lovely.  It’s great that you and Brian have this chance.”  Lindsay said, reaching out to squeeze Justin’s wrist.

Justin nodded a few times and looked back at Brian.  He knew his partner would rather be making Kinnetik a reality, but things were looking up.  “Yeah, it is.”  He agreed and then smiled back at the group.

Suddenly there was a plate full of apple pie being waved in front of his face.  Justin leaned back reflexively and then smiled.  “Thanks, Bri.”  He said, grabbing it and smiling when Gus sat on the floor in front of him with his own paper plate of pie. 

“There was only one more slice of apple and Daddy gave it to you ‘cause he says it’s your favorite.”  Gus said as he took a big bite of pumpkin. 

Justin looked at Brian out of the corner of his eye and saw him adamantly looking down at his own plate.  Smirking a bit, Justin reached his foot out and jostled his leg a little.  Brian raised his gaze and they locked eyes for a bit.  Brian smiled at him and then looked back down at his own pie. 

Lindsay and Melanie stayed as long as they could, but when Gus started falling asleep, after two pieces of pie, they had to leave to put him to bed.  Brian was visibly disappointed when he had to go, but Justin could tell spending time with Gus had lifted Brian’s spirits. 

The drive back out to West Virginia was quiet, but content.  Justin occasionally looked over at Brian to see how he was doing, but there was a smile on his face the entire drive, so he didn’t worry.  He smiled himself, glad that Brian had this night.  Even if it was brief it was clear that Brian enjoyed his time with Gus.

As they walked around the manor to the guest house Justin leaned over and nudged his shoulder.  “Hey.”  He said and folded his arms over his chest.  “Maybe we can make this a weekly thing.  On Sundays you can drive down and spend some time with Gus.”  He suggested.

“What about you?”  Brian asked, digging his hands deep into his pocket to try and keep them warm.

“Well I doubt Beatrice would let both of us leave at the same time.  This way I could keep her satisfied and you could-.”

“We’re a team, aren’t we?”  Brian asked, looking straight forward to their small shack.

“Well, yeah.”  Justin said, furrowing his brows a little and turning to look at him.  “But that’s why I want to make sure that you get to spend more time with him.  You say that you don’t care but I know Gus means the world to you and-.”

Brian cut him off again by wrapping an arm around Justin’s shoulder and pulling him close.  “Yeah and you love him just as much as I do.  We’ll go together, or not at all.  I know it won’t be ideal, but you deserve to see him just as much as I do.”  Brian insisted as he tugged open the door and let Justin walk in ahead of him.  He then shut it behind them securely and locked it up.

He rubbed his hands together and blew on them as Justin walked to the fireplace to get it started.  He walked over to the bed and pulled it over to the fireplace.  They slept there every night, and moved the mattress back up to the bed in the morning to save room.  But right now, they needed the heat from the fire.

Once Justin had it roaring he smiled brightly over at Brian.

“Come here.”  Brian said, cocking his head over to him.  Justin smirked a little in anticipation, and stepped out of his shoes to walk over to Brian.  He wrapped his arms up over Brian’s neck and pressed against him comfortably.

Brian swayed them slowly for a few moments before letting his hands fall to Justin’s hips.  They then sneaked underneath his shirt and slid upward, taking off his shirt slowly.  Justin felt a chill and shivered quickly, naturally pressing himself closer to Brian.  His shirt was tossed over to the side and then Brian’s hands returned to his hips and started pushing his pants down.  Justin shimmied his hips as needed until they slid off and onto the floor.  He kicked them away and then began unbuttoning Brian’s shirt.

As he worked at undressed him, Brian shamelessly ran his hands over his body.  “I love your skin.”  Brian whispered against his ear.  Justin felt his body tingle as the slight puff of air set him on edge.  “It’s so smooth and perfect…like…porcelain.”  He finished as he pressed a kiss against the lobe of Justin’s ear.

Justin smiled his thanks and pressed his lips against Brian’s shoulder as he took off his shirt.  He let his fingertips trail down from his shoulder, down his strong chest and to the ripples of the muscles in his stomach.  The glow of the fire made Brian’s already tan body glow like embers and Justin watched the flames dance on Brian’s skin.  He smiled and felt a heat that had nothing to do with the fire.

Suddenly, Brian tipped his head upwards and captured his lips in a soft kiss.  Justin knew already that tonight was going to be different.  It was one of those nights that Brian made sure was extra slow and pleasurable.  It was one of those nights Brian made sure Justin knew he loved him.  He didn’t know what brought it on, but he didn’t care.

Once they were both bare, Brian slowly laid him back on the mattress and continued kissing him as if his life depended on it.  Justin needed air, but he didn’t want to break away because the kiss felt far more important than breathing.

Brian made the decision for him, backing away just enough for them to catch their breaths, but their lips were still touching.  “You know how beautiful you are?”  Brian whispered against him and Justin smiled again, nodding bashfully.  “Good.”  He added and then rolled his lips into his mouth as he hovered over Justin.  He adjusted so their legs were tangled together and he was holding himself up at his arms.

“I want you to be happy.”  Brian said as he began kissing down Justin’s neck and collarbone.  “Let me show you.”

“Brian…”  Justin’s heart was pounding in his chest and he struggled to calm his breathing.  “Please.  I love you…Please…”  He murmured and arched his back up, needing for more of him to be pressed against Brian.

“I know.”  Brian murmured as he moved up to kiss Justin again.  He slid his tongue into Justin’s mouth and Justin sighed against his lips.

“Please…”  Justin murmured again and Brian was quick to acquiesce. 

* * *

Later, when Justin was sound asleep next to the roaring fire, Brian lay awake and lazily stroked his hands up and down Justin’s side, softly enough not to disrupt his sleep.  He knew Justin was confused by his doting behavior lately, even he was.  He just couldn’t seem to control himself.

Not only did Justin deserve it for all of the work he put into making Brian’s life easier but…

Brian sighed and turned his head to the failing fire.  He had been checking himself occasionally, to see if the lump had grown any.  Though any possible change would be small, even microscopic, he was certain that it was getting worse.  It had been months since that doctor had warned him about it and he’d been mostly successful in ignoring it, but the longer he set it out of mind the more it began to rear its head back into his life.

If he wasn’t careful, Justin would notice.

This was yet another thing Brian was dragging into their lives that he didn’t deserve, that was why he wasn’t going to tell him.  Besides, it wasn’t as if they could actually do something about it.  They had no money and no insurance.  As they weren’t actually making a salary, no bank would give them a loan either.  Beyond the stress it would add to Justin’s life, he worried what would happen if he ended up…dead.

He looked down at Justin’s sleeping face and smiled a little.  That was where all of his tenderness was stemming from lately.  If something happened to him he wanted to make sure Justin knew the way he felt.  Even if he never said the words, and he had no intention to ever do so, at least this way Justin would have loving memories of him to help him move on.  He wouldn’t have to wonder if he hadn’t been enough.

Justin deserved to know how it felt to be loved and Brian could do that for him.

* * *

The winter continued to grow in intensity as Thanksgiving passed and Christmas approached.  The snow began to fall more frequently and heavier, but luckily sleeping in front of the fireplace was plenty warm enough for the two and they didn’t suffer anymore freezing nights.

Also, thanks to the latest issue of Rage (which was receiving high praise from both readers and critics) they were able to buy some cheap gifts for the family, with Gus getting the most of their attention.  To supplement the gifts, Justin was spending most of his free time preparing sketches of the family to go along with them.

The best part of the passing month was the fact that Beatrice began backing off of her hateful comments, making the atmosphere in the manor surprisingly civil.  They were by no means close to becoming friends, but at least they could hug each other without hearing her scoff at them.  Both men considered it a step in the right direction.

Two weeks before Christmas, Justin labored all day in the snow putting up decorations outside of the manor.  He considered the task mostly pointless, seeing as Beatrice was full of complaints about how none of her friends or family were going to come visit which meant that no one would see them.  Still, she insisted and that meant Justin had to do it.

Christmas was his favorite season, so he decided that he was going to do his best to make sure that the place looked magical.  The house was lined with lights and wreaths were hung over the windows and doors.  Those tasks alone took two days simply because of the size of the manor.  Inside, however, is where he let himself get a little carried away.  Every room was touched with Christmas decorations, but none of it was over the top or tacky – he even managed to get Brian’s approval on them and he considered that a major feat.

Alternately, he didn’t bring even a string of tinsel into their home, knowing that Brian would need a break from all the decorations in the house.  The man was being shockingly complaisant about the holiday so he wanted to make it as easy on him as possible.

Brian simply had to ignore the ubiquitous decorations that took up every single room of the house.  The main offenders were the dining and living room, which Brian rarely went into anyways, so he was fine most of the time.

Just a few days before Christmas, Justin was working in the kitchen on a batch of Christmas cookies when Beatrice walked in.  “I smell something.”  She said almost immediately and Justin withheld a cringe.

“I’m baking.  Do they smell burnt?”  He asked, glancing to the batch he’d just taken out of the oven.  They looked perfect to him.

“No, I mean, it smells good.” She said, primly brushing a lock of her gray hair behind her ear.

Justin stiffened from shock and then smiled, still certain that if he was civil with her, he’d win her over.  “Oh, thank you.”  He said and then the two stood awkwardly in the kitchen for a moment.  Justin then cleared his throat and grabbed a cookie, holding it out to her.  “Do you want one?”

She smiled and grabbed it.  “Thank you.”  She said before taking a bite.  Justin watched, hoping she enjoyed it and by the slow closing of her eyes and the small grin that formed on her typically pursed lips, he could tell that she did.  “This is amazing!  I could never bake like this.”  She complimented and Justin smiled genuinely and nodded.

“I would try, for my late husband.”  She added with a shrug of her thin shoulders.  “But I could never make them soft.  They always came out hard and burnt.  I would still try though, every time he came back from deployment.”  She got a distant look on her face, clearly thinking of him.

“Thank you.  I’ve always loved to cook.  My mom taught me.”  He explained as he grabbed a cookie as well and took a bite of his own.  It was soft and gooey – absolutely perfect.

“That makes sense.  Since you’re -.”  She managed to stop herself and had the decency to look down at the ground, clearly having ruined whatever comradery they were having.

Justin’s smile faded and he focused his gaze on the cookie.  After another moment of silence he sighed and looked over at her.  “Brian doesn’t like to cook.  You know, before I came along he ate out twice a day.”  He explained as he took another bite of his cookie.

“You two don’t seem very similar.”  She commented neutrally as she sat up straight at the dining chair.

“Not at all.”  Justin scoffed a bit with a smile as he grabbed another two cookies and handed her one.  She took it happily and motioned for him to go on.  “He likes Gucci and Armani; I like The Gap.  He was a business man; I’m an artist.  But…it works.”  He finished with a smile.

Beatrice managed to smile and make it look sincere.  Justin didn’t want to question if it was or not.  “Not to mention, he looks…well, the way he looks.”

“I think you’re a very handsome boy.”  Beatrice said swiftly and Justin smiled and dipped his head to her.

“Thanks, but that’s not what I meant.  I mean, when he walks into a room, people don’t think ‘that’s a gay man’.  All they think is how… _impressive_ he is.  Me, they know right away.”  Justin gave a sad smile.  “I don’t care, because I’m not ashamed.  It’s just different, you know?”  He shrugged slightly.

Beatrice was quiet for a second before looking at him hesitantly.  “I didn’t think you were.”  She reminded and Justin paused, remembering how surprised she had been when she realized he and Brian were lovers.  He smiled a little.

“Thanks.”  He said and then they fell into silence again.  This time, however, it wasn’t so awkward.

Later that night Justin carried a thermos of hot chocolate back to the guest house while Brian carried their dinner.  They ate together in front of the fire and nibbled on some of Justin’s cookies.

“How’s the house coming along?”  Justin asked curiously and Brian grunted.

“You know I’m not actually a handyman right?  I don’t know how to fix half this shit.”

“Then what are you doing all day?”  Justin asked amused.

“I don’t know.  Fucking around?”  Brian shrugged as he popped in a bite of food.  “Old hag doesn’t give a shit about us anyways.”

“She isn’t so bad.”  Justin defended immediately and Brian raised an eyebrow at him, as if it was preposterous that Justin might disagree with him.  Justin held his gaze, not taking back what he said.  He thought about their simple, yet nice conversation he had with her earlier and smiled again.  “Really.  I think she just needed to see that we’re not different than her.”

“Whatever.  As far as I’m concerned the less I see of her the better.  Can’t wait to get out of this hellhole.”  He added as he sighed and leaned onto one side.

Their whole dinner was eerily familiar.  Back when they lived at the loft they had often sat on the floor or futon and ate dinner sprawled out and comfortable.  Here in the guest house, like tonight, they often did the same thing.  It was a comfortable feeling for them both and reminded them of better times.

“I don’t mind it here.”  Justin said as he grabbed one of his cookies and nibbled on it. He didn’t care that it was his third one of the day.  He had discovered long ago he could eat whatever he wanted – much to Brian’s chagrin.

“Yeah well as soon as we can we’re getting out of here.”  Brian declared as he wiped his hands off and then reached out and grabbed Justin, tugging him close.

Justin smiled, setting the cookie aside, and sidled next to his partner.  He was glad Brian continued to refer to both of them as a unit, but he didn’t comment on it.  Especially because he didn’t share Brian’s opinion.  He was in no rush to leave the manor.  Things with Beatrice had calmed down and the manor was so beautiful.  He felt at home there.

He felt Brian’s hands run down his side and then creep up his shirt.  His lips were captured by Brian’s and he was laid back on the mattress.

He didn’t know what he was going to do to convince Brian to stay, but for now, he’d simply enjoy the moment.


	9. Chapter 9

Justin shifted nervously and tapped his foot swiftly as he sat in an uncomfortable chair in an examination room. His hands were wringing in his lap as he struggled to maintain his nerves.  He consciously took deep breaths in order stop his heart from pounding in his chest, though it didn’t seem to be helping.  He felt as if he could feel it in his throat. 

He glanced around the bland room and tried to find something to focus on to keep his mind off of why he was there. There was a motivational poster hanging on the wall and he stared at the picture in it, mentally critiquing the angle the photographer had chosen.  He managed to waste a good ten minutes criticizing the photo and when he came up short of any more reasons to dislike it, the doctor finally walked into the room.

Justin immediately stilled and straightened. His foot stopped tapping and he gave his neurologist a weak smile.

“You missed your last few appointments, Justin. You know these scans are important.”  Dr. Harding reprimanded lightly as he began flipping through the pages on his clipboard.

“I know but…Things came up.” Justin explained vaguely.  “So has anything changed?”  He asked, wanting to get straight to the point.

“No. Your brain is still in the same condition.”  The man responded, though it was clear he was less than pleased with the news.

“So no improvement still?” Justin asked, disappointment clear in his voice.

“Unfortunately no. I’m afraid at this point we can’t expect much to change if it hasn’t already.  But how are you feeling?  Any more episodes, pain, or dizziness?”  Dr. Harding asked as he wheeled a chair in front of Justin and took out a light pen.  He placed one hand on Justin’s cheek and shined it in one of his eyes.

“No. I still get migraines every once in a while, but that’s about it.  My hand doesn’t act up anymore either.”  He informed and the man nodded as he moved the light onto the other eye.

“Good, good…” He sounded distant, but Justin was used to it.  He leaned back and put the pen back in his coat pocket and gave Justin a small smile.  “Well, I’d like for you to come back in in another six months for a scan.  The past few have been pretty consistent, so it looks like your neural pathways have settled; but I’d rather keep an eye on it just to be sure.”  Dr. Harding said and Justin nodded, pretty certain it was more because he wanted Justin’s money than anything else.

“Ok, six months.” He agreed and then leaned back in the chair.

“Where’s Brian?” Dr. Harding asked as he stood up and began jotting things in Justin’s file.  “He’s usually here with you.”

Justin smiled a bit and shrugged. He’d made sure Brian wasn’t here.  “Visiting his son.  We moved out of town and so he doesn’t get as many chances to see him.  He’ll be here to pick me up though.”  Justin assured and Dr. Harding nodded a few times.

“And I see here you got some blood work done in the lab?” He asked and Justin nodded again.

“I figured I’d get a check-up while I was here. It’s not easy for us to get into town and I thought I’d hit two birds with one stone.”  He explained and the man nodded.

“Alright. Well those should be ready for you in a couple days – I’m sure the lab will give you a call with the results.”  He assured and then held out his hand.  Justin stood and shook it.  “It’s good to see you doing so well, Justin.  As always, call me if something comes up – you can never be too careful with these sort of things.”

“I know. I will.”  He assured and then waved as Dr. Harding moved out of the room and onto his next patient.  Justin hovered in the room for a moment, wishing that his anxiety would leave.

Unfortunately, the main reason for his appointment wasn’t for his MRI – he only set that up so he’d have something to tell Brian, who had the foresight to pay for his outpatient treatment in advance.  He'd be able to continue coming in for the next few years thanks to Brian's investment. However, the main reason for his appointment was the blood work.  He had a surprise in mind…

They’d been living at the manor for nearly six months now and he thought they were really in a good place. They’ve both settled and were happy there, so Justin wanted to suggest that they make it more…official.  Neither of them had had an opportunity to trick in the six months that they’ve been there.  What few chances they had to go to town were focused on family, not clubbing.  Which meant, that for the past six months neither of them had been with another man.

He hadn’t said anything up until this point, but he thought if they were ever to do it, now was the perfect chance. Even if it wasn’t permanent, and even if they decide to open up their relationship again in the future he wanted to at least present the option.  He wasn’t sure how Brian would receive it, however.

Justin couldn’t remember all of the times Brian had said ‘never’ to bare-backing; he’d honestly lost count. But that was then and now things had changed.

He walked through the familiar halls of the hospital back towards the front lobby. He sat on a bench near the door and waited, though he wasn’t sure how long Brian was going to be.  While he waited, he fretted.

* * *

“You are such a little shit, you know that?” Brian muttered as he wiped a pile of mashed potatoes from his hair.  He scowled as he flicked his wrist and sent them flying back onto the table.  Gus merely laughed, clearly amused with what he was seeing.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” Brian asked and Gus laughed again.  “You’re gonna get it, Sonny Boy.”  He taunted and then reached over to the booster seat and began tickling his son.  Gus squealed and squirmed as he tried to get away.  Brian lifted him from the seat and spun him around the kitchen a little, smiling and laughing as he did.

“Daddy!” Gus called out through his peals of laughter, and Brian paused to look at the boy. 

“You’re not messy enough, you know?” He suddenly said and reached out for a handful of mashed potatoes and smeared them on the boy’s face.

“Nooo, Daddy!” Gus protested.

“You liked putting them on me.” He reminded and Gus wiped furiously at his face.

“It funny!” The boy insisted and Brian just smiled a bit more.

“So is this.” He explained as he smeared some more on his face.

“Sounds like you two are having fun in here.” Lindsey suddenly interrupted and Brian turned and looked at her, displaying their son proudly.

“I thought I’d get him ready for dinner.” Brian teased and Gus squealed again and wiggled out of his hold and then darted away.

Lindsey finished walking into the kitchen and set the grocery bags on the counter. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”  She offered and Brian shook his head as he went to the sink to wash off his hands.

“Naw. I have to pick up Justin from his appointment and then we need to head back.”  He explained and Lindsey nodded a bit, though she looked disappointed.

“Well maybe next time.” She said wistfully.

“Yeah, maybe.” He glanced down the hallway to where Gus had disappeared.  “I need to head out.  Sorry I’m leaving him in such a mess.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s easy to clean up.”  She assured and then they shared a quick kiss before Brian walked out to the front.

On his way to the car he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out and flipped it open without bothering to see who was calling. “I’m on my way, Sunshine.”  He assured.

“Mr. Kinney?” An accented voice greeted him and he came to an abrupt halt just outside the door to the car.

“I’m sorry…who is this?” He asked slowly as he tried to recall the voice, but couldn’t.

“It’s Ed, Mr. Kinney. Ed Kingston.” 

Brian’s eyebrows shot up on his forehead. “What can I do for you?”  He asked carefully, not sure why the man would be calling him nearly a year after rejecting him.

“Well Brian I’ll cut right to the point. I’d like to talk to you about our advertising needs.”

* * *

A few days later, Justin was working hard in the kitchen with a large smile on his face. He’d received the call from the lab the day before with the results of his blood work – all negative.  He immediately made a batch of jambalaya so that it would be ready today when he told Brian the good news and suggested they take another step together.

He gave the pot one more stir and then tested it before adding a few more spices. He then stepped aside to the cutting board where he began working on a salad.  As he chopped up the lettuce he went through his mind what he wanted to say to Brian.  He needed the approach to be subtle and non-threatening.  Of course, threatening to Brian was just about any topic relating to relationships.

“It sure does smell good in here.” Beatrice said as she meandered into the kitchen.

Justin looked up and smiled a bit. “Good.  I was hoping it’d be perfect.”  He said and then looked down at the salad again.

“What is it?” She asked as she lifted the pot and looked at what was inside.

“Jambalaya. It’s kind of a…special meal for Brian and I.”  He said with a nostalgic smile.  “I made it for him when we first lived together.”

“Oh? So is tonight…special?”  She asked with a bit of reservation.  Justin didn’t mind.  She’d become far more civil the past few months; she’d stopped calling them names and no longer made up chores to humiliate them.  She wasn’t perfect, but any awkwardness she exuded was far preferable to her open hostility before.

“I’m hoping so.” He answered vaguely, not wanting to get into the details of just what exactly he intended to ask Brian that night.  He was sure it would give her a heart attack to discuss gay sex with her.

“Well I hope it goes well. Will you save a bowl for me?  It smells delicious.”

Justin nodded a bit. “Yeah, of course.”  He gave her a small wave when she turned and left.  He rolled his lips into his mouth and exhaled slowly as he still tried to keep calm.  He glanced to the clock and knew Brian would be coming in soon after working outside all day.  Whatever it was he was going to say, he had to figure it out soon.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize how much time had passed until two arms wrapped around him and pulled him back. He jumped a bit and spun, smiling up at Brian.  “Smells delicious.”  He said and then bent and kissed his lips.  Justin wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck and kissed him back strongly.  “I have great news.”  Brian said when they broke apart.  He instantly went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine.

“I do too.” Justin said and Brian turned and looked at him.

“Really? Well lucky us.”  He said and then began pouring the wine for them.

“I’ve made Jambalaya. Why don’t we eat first and then we can share.”  He suggested and Brian nodded in agreement.

The two swiftly went to setting up the table and then Justin dished out the food. He was glad Brian had agreed to eat first as he still hadn’t thought of what he was going to say.  They sat across the table from each other in relative silence.  Brian complimented him on the food and Justin thanked him, but they were mostly quiet, both caught up in their own thoughts.

When they finished Justin realized that maybe he didn’t need to have the exact right words. He would just say what he was thinking and be honest with Brian.  He would also make it clear that this didn’t have to be permanent.  He just wanted to try it, even if it was only once, and he knew this might be the only time it was safe.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to say his piece, Brian moved suddenly and seemed to be itching to talk. “So I got a call a few days ago.”  Brian said and Justin shut his mouth.  It was probably best to let Brian go first anyways.

“From?” He prompted.

“Ed Kingston.” Brian was smirking.

“The electronics guy?” Justin asked because he only vaguely remembered the name.

“Yeah. He called a few days ago saying he  _hated_  what VanGard had done, but because of the contract couldn’t get out of it for a year.  It took a few days to get all the logistics down and I didn’t want to tell you until it was final but…Justin he’s transferred ten million for an international campaign.  And I get a thirty grand bonus if I can increase his profits by five percent by next quarter.  And I’ve seen the numbers, Justin.  That’ll be a breeze.”  Brian spoke quickly and with so much excitement.

Justin started smiling and laughing. “I can’t believe it!  It’s really happening?”  He asked and Brian nodded, raising his glass up in the air.

“Kinnetik is officially launching with its first client.” Brian announced and Justin raised his glass as well and they took a small sip.

“Brian this is amazing! I’m so happy for you.  You’ve earned this.”  He gazed at his partner in pride.

“I have, haven’t I?” Brian smirked and said in his cocky manner.  Justin could only laugh.

Suddenly Brian reached over and grabbed his hand. Justin stilled at the intimate gesture.  “Do you know what this means, Justin?  We can get out of this fucking house, get back to Pittsburgh.  We can get our old life back.”

Justin stilled and his enthusiasm began to fade. Brian continued on about how he couldn’t wait to leave and get back to the way things were before.  The clubs, the bars, the drugs…Justin hated every word coming out of his mouth.

He didn’t want to leave. He liked it where they were now – he liked their life now.  He didn’t want to go back to the way things were before.  He thought about his big announcement and was suddenly glad that Brian had gone first.  He would have been so embarrassed if he had asked Brian to become exclusive and been answered with all of that.

“So we can get out of here as soon as possible. Do you want to tell the old hag?”  Brian seemed so pleased but Justin knew he couldn’t go back to the way they lived before.  He couldn’t go back to that life now that he’s experienced this.

“Actually…” Justin slowly pulled his hand back and looked at Brian with a terrified expression because he knew the man would hate what he was about to say.  “I want to stay here.”  He managed to get out though he didn’t know how.

Brian at first looked at him like he had made a joke, but then the man seemed to realize that he was serious.  Brian then looked flabbergasted.  "Stay here?!"  He demanded in a voice so sharp Justin actually jumped from shock.  "Why the hell would you want to sty here?  There's nothing here, Justin!"  Brian exclaimed and Justin mere shook his head.

"That's not true.  It's so beautiful here.  And the house is amazing.  You like the horses and the grounds.  Is it so crazy to want to stay?"  He asked hesitantly.  He had a feeling of where this conversation was going, and he knew he wasn't going to like it.

"Justin, I've spent the last year struggling to get back everything that I lost.  I'm not going to let an opportunity like this go to waste.  You realize that besides the costs for the ads themselves, all of that money is mine?  I have no employees, no actual building, and I get to spend it however I please."  Brian spoke quickly and was giving Justin a hard look.  As for himself, Justin was trying very hard to ignore the fact that for the first time in a year Brian said 'mine' instead of 'ours'.  "I can buy us a new loft, and new things.  Hell, I'm sure I can even buy you a fucking studio.  And you want to stay here?"

Justin was silent for a moment and shook his head.  It seemed like all Brian could think about suddenly was money and things; what about all of the good times they had the past year that didn't involve any of that?  Sure, they had struggled, but he wouldn't trade their evenings in front of the fire for anything.  Now it seemed like Brian didn't even remember they had happened.  "Yes."  He finally said and watched Brian huff, shake his head once, and then lean back in his chair.

Brian looked at him for a long time before leaning forward once more and reaching for Justin's hand.  "I want to leave.  And I want you to come with me."  He admitted and Justin knew that was probably the closest he was ever going to get to 'I love you' from Brian.  But...it wasn't enough.  He couldn't go back to that life.  He wasn't interested in other men - he had the perfect one right here in front of him!  Brian had been amazing the past year.  It had seemed like he'd changed so much...

 _'But he hasn't changed at all.  He's just been waiting so he could go back to his club boy life.  This was all temporary to him.'_   Justin reminded himself.  He gave Brian's hand a squeeze before pulling back.  "I want to stay."  He repeated and watched disappointment in Brian's eyes quickly be covered by indifference.

Brian suddenly leaned back in the chair and gave him a long, sad look. “And I want to leave.”

They sat in silence, each fully aware of what this meant.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Three Months Later…Kinnetik.**

“The Baxter account has been processed. The revised boards for the Eyeconics pitch are waiting for you on your desk for approval. We’ve hired two new employees for the art department and you’re needed for five minutes of orientation for the typical ‘welcome to the company, we’re so great’, bit. Oh and you need to sign these paychecks.” Cynthia said as she handed him over a clipboard.

“Joy…” Brian muttered.

“Oh and…look at this. Justin’s number. I figured you lost your copy.” She added, handing him a slip of paper.

“Oh here, let me take care of that for you.” Brian rolled his eyes as he grabbed it and tossed it into the nearest trash can.

“Brian it’s been months and you haven’t called him. I think you miss him.” She implored as they walked into his office. Brian set the clipboard down on his desk on top of the boards and turned to her with his arms crossed.

“I’m not the one who ended it. I offered. He refused. Not my fault.” He then moved to sit at his desk and began signing the checks. Cynthia said nothing, but Brian could feel her eyes on him. “And you know, seventeen year old Justin would have killed for the offer I gave him.” He added as he pointed his pen at her.

“Seventeen year old Justin was almost killed.” Cynthia shot back and Brian immediately flinched.

“He was eighteen.” He bit back and then threw the pen on his desk. “He says he’s happy over there! That it’s what he wants! What do you want me to do? Grab him and drag him back to Pittsburgh?” He rolled his eyes and reached out for the pen again to continue signing. “And, for the record, this isn’t any of your business.”

“We’ve been friends for years, Brian. And I know Justin means a lot to you.” Cynthia pointed out, cocking a hip to the side.

“You know, I’m actually not going to go the route you suspect and deny that. Last year sucked and I wouldn’t have gotten through without Justin. But again, I offered. He refused. End of story.” Brian gave a swift, fake smile, and then bent over the checks again.

Cynthia frowned and reached over to yank them away. Brian raised his eyebrows and frowned at her. “You know you were the one who wanted me to sign these, right?” He asked and then sighed when she held onto them.

“Why don’t you just call and see how he’s doing?” She offered and Brian scoffed.

“And then I can ask him on a nice little date and give him a big bouquet of flowers and promise to love him forever and ever.” He mocked in a high pitched voice. “ _I’d_ rather be killed.” He murmured darkly.

“All I said was to call him.” She said flatly and gave him a stare. When he held his hand out to her she gave the checks back to him and waved her hands up in surrender. “Fine. Fine. You like your old life and Justin liked your new life. You wanted two different things.” Cynthia sighed heavily as she walked to his glass door and started pushing it open. Before she left, however, she paused and turned back around to look at him. “But I can’t help but notice a distinct lack of sex around you.” She shrugged and then left.

Brian bit his bottom lip to stop himself from howling at her. The last thing he needed was to be reminded that he wasn’t having sex. However, unlike what Cynthia was implying, it wasn’t because he missed Justin. The first thing he did with the sudden influx of cash was go to the doctor and get himself checked out and he’d been too sick from his treatments to do anything.

Though if he was being honest with himself, he did miss Justin. His former partner just wasn’t the reason for his lack of tricking. He hoped Justin was doing alright, but he couldn’t bring himself to call and make sure. The boy had chosen to stay in West Virginia, despite his offer for them to continue on with the life they had before – where he had all the money and was in charge of all the decisions.

Besides, he had more important things to worry about. Kinnetik had taken off far faster than he anticipated. In the past three months he’d grown from himself, Cynthia, and Ted being the only employees, to nearly having to purchase the entire three floors of the building to accommodate all of the new workers. Ed had recommended him to all of his friends and associates; and with the man settled in England, many of his clients were now international accounts.

With the global work he was doing, many of the local accounts who had initially refused to follow him from his split with VanGard were now flocking to him desperate. He was actually turning many of them away – though that was a more of a tactical move than anything else. He’d accept them in time.

And, thankfully, his chemo was almost over which meant he would once again be able to give a hundred percent – who knew how far Kinnetik could go then.

He glanced back out of his door to where Cynthia had disappeared and frowned a bit. He would have liked for Justin to help see how far it could go.

* * *

After his last chemotherapy session Brian couldn’t wait to get back out to the clubs and find a hot guy. He felt like he was back in his own skin for the first time in a year as he dressed in brand new clothes.

He’d been able to reclaim so many things that he’d lost last year. The clothes, the booze, the drugs, and soon, a loft. Though of course he couldn’t buy his old one back – he’d made an offer and the current owner refused. He was living in temporary apartments while he searched for a permanent new ‘fuck pad’. It wasn’t perfect yet, but soon it would be.

He knew it was only a matter of time before Brian Kinney got back on top.

He was a bit disappointed in having to wait in the line to get inside but he was still making a comeback and he knew it was only a matter of time before the bouncers realized that King Kinney had returned to claim his throne.

Being back inside Babylon felt like a breath of fresh air – despite how stuffy and hot it was. But with the mass of attractive men and the beat of the loud music, it felt like he was going home.

His first stop was to the bar where he ordered a top shelf shot and kicked it back in one fluid motion. The burn felt so good and familiar. The hours of sickness and vomiting was already beginning to feel like a distant memory. As were the nights curled in front of the fire to stave off the cold and holding a smooth body that fit perfectly against his.

He shook his head abruptly to literally shake the memory out of his mind.

He placed the shot glass back on the bar and then turned to lean on his arm and scanned over the crowd. To his surprise he remembered many of the faces of the men that were dancing. Though there were some that he didn’t recognize, he thought there would have been far more seeing as he’d been gone for a year.

“By I live and breathe. Brian Kinney!” Brian blinked a few times as he was surprised someone actually recognized him. Until he turned and saw Ben approaching with Michael, Ted, and Emmett walking behind him. “I can’t believe we’re actually seeing you here.” He was slapped on the shoulder and the exchanged hugs with Michael and Emmett before returning back to lean on the bar.

“I can’t believe I’m seeing you here either.” He said slowly, looking at all of them. It had been so long since he’d been to the club that he honestly forgot that his friends did as well. He would have thought they’d moved on to greener pastures.

“Sounds like someone already got a bad blowjob in the backroom.” Emmett teased and Brian rolled his eyes and turned back to the bar. He waved the bartender down and got another shot before looking for a trick to snag.

He found something wrong with every single person there.

One had an ass that wasn’t as full as Justin’s.

Another’s skin had far too many imperfections – compared to Justin’s flawless skin.

One’s blond hair clearly came out of a bottle; whereas Justin’s was natural.

Not to mention, none of them had those perfectly shaped lips.

_‘God what am I thinking? I can’t stop comparing them to Justin.’_  Brian thought to himself in frustration. He closed his eyes and opened them a moment later, determined to see them all in a new light – but he couldn’t.

_‘It’s all that time in West Virginia when he was my only option. My mind seems to think of him as the only option still. I’ll just have to remind it that we have a buffet of hot guys again.’_  Brian straightened and blocked out the dull chatter of his friends and focused on the dancing men once more.

None of them interested him.

In fact, after the first rush of exhilaration he had at being back in the scene, he was getting bored and annoyed. The music was loud, it was too hot, and he’d rather enjoy his drink on a soft leather chair than leaned up against the bar with people pushing on either side of him. It smelled bad and he worried that if he danced and got sweaty it would ruin his new clothes.

Over all…He felt underwhelmed.

He must have built it up so much in his head that now that he was finally there, it was just a disappointment.  The men weren’t hot, the drinks were too expensive, he was uncomfortable, and generally having a poor time.

He felt a hand on his arm and turned to see Michael giving him a hard look.  Brian wanted to say something to assure his oldest friend that he was alright, but…he wasn’t.

Standing in the club surrounded by things that used to make him happy did nothing for him.  He just wanted to be somewhere else.

“Come with me.”  Michael shouted over the music and the two wove through the crowd and back out of the club.  They wandered through a few alleys before they could find one without any men sucking each other’s dicks, and had some privacy.  “You didn’t look like you were having fun in there.”  Michael commented.

Brian shrugged.  “Must be a night for trolls.”

“Yeah or you’ve moved on.”  Brian had to hand it to him – he cut right to the chase.  Just like his mother.

“I don’t know what you mean.”  He tried to evade even though he knew it was useless.  Michael knew him better than anybody – well, almost anybody.

“Yes you do.  There are tons of hot guys in there who would love to go with you to the back room.  You may have been gone a long time but legends of the Great God Kinney haven’t died.  But, I’m guessing there’s only one hot guy you want right now.”  Michael said it in a teasing voice, but his eyes were full of sincerity and Brian sighed.

“I haven’t spoken to him in three months.”

“I was talking about me.” 

Michael barely got the words out before laughing and Brian joined him – even though he knew that not too long ago, Michael had wished that to be true.

“Look, Bri…We’ve been best friends most of our lives.  Just because you went off the grid for a few months doesn’t change that I know what’s going on up there in that head of yours.  You miss Justin.  You worked so hard to get back all of the things that you lost when you went broke, that you forgot about the one thing that never left.”  Michael had softened his tone and Brian could only sigh and lean back against the brick wall in silence for a moment.

Michael let him think and he chose his response carefully.  “I spent months in that place and all I could think about was getting back here.  I planned on Justin coming with me.  When he said no I…I was mad.  Pissed.  I couldn’t understand why he would turn down all of this.”  Brian waved his hand around the dark, decrepit alleyway they were standing in and gave a sarcastic smile.  “But when I was in Babylon, all I could think about was  _him_.”

Again there was a long moment of silence between them and Brian wondered what was happening to him.  He had thought getting back into the club scene was what he wanted – what he worked for.  Now it seemed pointless.

“You love him, Bri.”  Michael said after a few moments and Brian stiffened and clenched up, but he said nothing.

What could he say?  Any denial would sound false – and he knew that he did.  It was pointless to try and convince Michael otherwise.

“And he’s always loved you.”  Michael added and Brian rolled his eyes.

“I seem to recall a fiddler thrown in there somewhere….”  He said slowly and then snapped.  “Oh yeah –  _you_ told me about him.”

“You really think Justin stopped loving you when he started dating Ethan?  Even  _I_  know he did that because he was so desperate for you to love him as much as he loved you.  He wanted attention, Brian.”  Michael stuck his hands in his pockets and shook his head as if he was disappointed in Brian for not knowing that.

“I also seem to recall you hating Justin for some time after that incident.”  He grumbled and Michael shrugged.

“I didn’t realize it right away.”  He admitted slowly.

“Oh god I leave for a year and you suddenly become Justin’s advocate.  What the hell happened to you?”  Brian said it with a smile and Michael merely smiled back.

His old friend motioned towards the exit of the alleyway.  “You’ve moved on, Brian.  You didn’t have a choice.  Being broke and penniless made you mature.  Honestly, I was losing hope.  I didn’t think that someone as  _stubborn_ and  _pigheaded-._ ”

“Ok ok I get it.”  Brian said, grabbing Michael and shaking him gently to get him to shut up.  After another small bout of laughter he stilled and frowned.  “But I can’t be that guy, Michael.  I’m not boyfriend material.  I’m not the kind of guy who brings home flowers and goes on dates and says…you know what.”  He waved his hands up in defeat.

“Well that’s good.  Because Justin doesn’t want that guy.  He wants you.  He knows who you are, Brian.  And it sounds like he liked you the way you were when you lived together in West Virginia.”  Michael added and Brian sighed once more and ran a hand through his hair.

“That isn’t what I want…”  He tried to protest but Michael just scoffed at him.

“To what?  Live in paradise with the hottest guy you’ve ever met – and happen to love?”

“Kinnetik is in Pittsburgh.”  Brian insisted and Michael shrugged.

“Commute.  Ted told us you’re making a small fortune with your start-up.  Making some of us other entrepreneurs a little jealous, if I’m being honest.” 

Brian just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.  When it was obvious he wasn’t going to say anything Michael continued.  “Answer me one thing, Brian.”  He looked to his friend.  “Are you happier with or without Justin?”

“With!  But-.”  He paused, a little surprised at how quickly his answer had come out.  He knew it was true, but he didn’t think he knew it so strongly.  Michael looked far too smug.  “I’ll think about it…ok?”

“Yeah, sure.  Just remember.  While you’re here, surrounded by all your friends, with your dream job…Justin’s out there alone.”  Michael added before grabbing Brian’s arm and walking them back out of the alley.  Brian fell silent again and walked Michael back to the club, but he didn’t go in himself.  It was pointless anyways.

* * *

**In West Virginia.**

“Bea?  You haven’t come down all day to eat anything.  Are you alright?”  Justin called after knocking on the door to the master bedroom.  He heard nothing on the other side and frowned slowly.  “Beatrice?”  He called again and knocked softly on the wood door. 

Still nothing.

Biting the inside of his lip he tried the handle and slowly pushed the door open.

He poked his head into the door and peered inside.  He immediately saw her form on the bed, under the covers.  “Bea?!”  He called a little bit louder, now a fear slowly building in him.

He rushed into the room and threw away the covers.

“Oh my god…”

 


	11. Chapter 11

“Well I’m sorry Mr. Remson, but Kinnetik is booked up all the way through the Christmas rush.” Brian tried to make his voice sound sympathetic, but it was far too satisfying turning away yet another client who had refused to follow him.  He was smirking and leaning back against his chair like a king on his throne.

He glanced up as Cynthia slid into his office, carrying a large stack of files. It was a common occurrence and so Brian waved her in as Remson continued to beg him to reconsider.  Brian blocked him out for the most part and leaned forward as he examined what she was putting in front of him.  He was confused to see at the top of the pile was a newspaper, opened up to the obituaries. He looked at her and then she pointed to a specific one.  Brian stilled and sighed sadly when he saw who it was for; Beatrice Rivers.

He didn’t even notice it, but Cynthia left the office. “Mr. Remson, I have to let you go.  I’ll consider what you said and get back to you.”  He informed distantly, and then he hung up without waiting to hear what the man said in response.

He grabbed the newspaper and read through the obituary carefully. It was vague and simple – probably written by someone who didn’t know her very well.  He knew her children had basically written her off, so he doubted that it was done by any of them.  He also didn’t think Justin had written it, because he was closer to the woman than anyone else.  After reading it he set it back down on his desk and looked over at his phone. Maybe it finally was time to give Justin a call…

* * *

Just a few hours later, Brian was pulling up the drive to Beatrice’s home. It gave him an odd sense of déjà vu, and it felt better than he expected it to pull up to the place he lived at for the majority of last year.  As he drove slowly up the long drive he saw a mass of cars up at the door and he frowned, wondering who could have descended upon the manor.

He stopped his car at the back of them all and swiftly walked up to the door. He didn’t bother knocking and strode confidently into the home.  He immediately heard voices coming from the back sunroom and frowned.  Someone was shouting up a storm.  And if they were shouting at Justin they were in for a world of hurt.  He walked quietly down the hallway to the sunroom and found a group of people practically surrounding Justin, looking as if they were about to pounce on him. As for Justin, he was holding himself very well, standing tall and not letting them move him an inch.  Brian was proud.

No one noticed him right away, not even Justin who was looking in his direction. However, the small group was making it impossible for Justin to see him.

“I don’t give a shit what the will says – she was  _our_  mother.  The house should be ours.”  One of the group said and took an aggressive step towards Justin.  Brian tensed, ready to jump in in a moment’s notice. 

“I don’t know what to tell you. She left it to me.  This is my house now – get out.”  Justin demanded, pointing towards the door.

“Who the fuck even are you?! Some little faggot that manipulated our mother into putting you into her will?”  This came from a woman who looked shrill and Brian rolled his eyes at the unoriginal insult.

“We’re not going anywhere until you give us our house back!” Another shouted at Justin and Brian decided he’d heard enough.

“It sounds to me that Mr. Taylor has made it clear he doesn’t want you in his home. If you refuse to leave I’ll call the police and have you all arrested for trespassing.”  He spoke loudly, causing everyone in the sunroom to jump and face him.

“And who the hell are you?” One of Beatrice’s sons asked him angrily, crossing his arms over his chest.

“His lawyer.” Brian fibbed smoothly and walked through the group to stand next to Justin.  He could see his former lover’s eyes on him intently, but Justin didn’t call out his lie.  Brian knew he wouldn’t – not in front of all of them.  He pulled out his cellphone and waved it in front of them.  “Should I call them now?”  He asked.

The group looked at each other and seemed to come up with a collective decision to leave. “You’ll be hearing from our lawyer.”  One of them threatened before walking away.

“I’ll be waiting.” Brian sing-songed and then turned to Justin once they were alone.  “Hey.”  He said uncomfortable.

“Hey.” Justin murmured, not seeming too pleased to see him.  “My lawyer, huh?”

“It got them to leave, didn’t it?” He defended himself with a small smile.  Justin flashed him a weak smile and nodded.  “I called you a few times but you didn’t answer so I thought I’d come by and see if you were ok.”  He explained, as if he needed to justify why he was there. 

“I’m ok.” Justin answered and then slowly meandered out of the sunroom and into the kitchen.  Brian followed, looking around at the familiar halls of the manor.  Justin grabbed a bottle of wine and poured himself a large glass and then held it out to Brian in case he wanted some as well.  “I told her not to do it…But I guess she went through with it anyways.  They’ve been calling me for days.  I didn’t think they were going to actually show up here.”

“I bet they’ve been waiting for Mommy Dearest to pass away so they can swoop in and claim her fortune. Greedy little brats…”  He murmured darkly as he set the bottle aside without pouring himself any.  “Why did she leave it to you?”  He asked curiously.  He didn’t think Justin was undeserving, but it was surprising she left everything to him when they’d lived together less than a year.

“She said she wanted me to be able to live and paint for however long I wanted. She thought it’d be good for me – since you left.”  Brian could tell Justin was trying to keep the hurt and accusation out of his voice, but he didn’t.

They were silent then, neither really knowing what to say to continue the conversation. Brian couldn’t believe how quickly they grew apart.  Just a few months ago these silences were comfortable and pleasant.  Now he was practically squirming because the air was thick with awkwardness.  Luckily, Justin broke it for them. He should have expected him to – Justin always did all the heavily lifting in their relationship.  “I heard that Kinnetik is doing really well.  Congratulations.” 

Brian nodded a bit, leaning an elbow on the counter. “I have clients flocking in.  It’s been busy.”

“Good. I’m glad that it took off.”  Justin spoke stiffly, but Brian could hear the sincerity in his voice.

Brian nodded slowly and they fell into silence again. He looked across the kitchen island and was a bit surprised by how Justin looked exactly as he remembered him.  Even though it had only been a few months, it felt as if it had been so much longer.  As he looked at him he couldn’t help but feel the weight of the distance between them. He didn’t want that to come between them.  They’d been through too much together; Justin had been there for him for the worst year of his adult life.  So, he decided it was time to do some heavy lifting of his own.

“You know…” He said slowly as he stepped closer to Justin and reached into his pocket.  “This is a big place.  You might get lonely if you live here all by yourself.”  He commented with seeming innocence.  However, inside he was shaking with nerves.  He was about to do something he had once promised himself would never happen.

“I think I’ll get used to it.” Justin said softly, clearly picking up that something was going on.

 _‘Since that first night Justin has been doing all the work in this relationship. It’s time I did my part.’_   Brian thought before taking out a small box from his coat pocket and placing it on the counter.  “Or maybe…We could share it.”  He murmured softly, and then rolled his lips into his mouth as he looked down at the box, avoiding Justin’s eyes.

Justin was silent until he took the box and opened it up. “Are you proposing to me?”  Justin asked and Brian nodded slowly.  “Brian Kinney is proposing?”  He asked again and Brian rolled his eyes.

“Is it really that crazy an idea?” He asked defensively.

“But you don’t want to live here.” Justin pointed out and Brian sighed, displeased that it wasn’t a quick yes.  Though he supposed he deserved the doubt.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to live here. I thought I wanted our old life back.  But then I got back there and it was…boring.  And I…”  Brian struggled but could see the doubt in Justin’s eyes and knew he’d have to make it clear that this was what he wanted.  “I missed you.”  He finished honestly.  “I missed living here with you.”

“And so you figured, ‘Why don’t I propose’?” Justin asked suspiciously.

Brian sighed a little and moved closer to Justin. “Actually after I realized I missed you I realized that I loved you more than everything else.”  His declaration caused Justin to stand up a bit straighter and he hid a smirk.    He had Justin’s attention – now he had to make the deal.  “I’ve loved you longer than you know, but I always let all of those distractions get in the way.  But these last few months I’ve realized that none of them matter.  None of them mean as much to me as you do.  And I’m sorry that I didn’t realize that sooner.”

 Justin was silent, but looked back down at the ring for a long time. Brian felt his nerves begin to overwhelm him. He struggled to stop his hands from shaking so he shoved them into his pockets so Justin wouldn’t see. After what felt like an eternity had passed and Justin still hadn’t said anything, Brian fearfully filled the silence. “So?” He asked and Justin looked back up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“‘So’, what? You haven’t asked me anything yet.” Justin said and Brian could see a mischievous glint in his eyes. Realizing what was happening, Brian felt a swell of confidence. He stood up a bit straighter and even jutted his chin out a bit.

“Will you, Justin Craig Taylor, legally bind yourself to me for the duration of our lives?” He asked and Justin let out a hard laugh and playfully slapped his chest. Brian thought it was only fair – Justin had messed with him so he was going to have to take it as well.

“Are you kidding me? You’re asking me to marry you and still can’t manage to make it romantic?” Justin rolled his eyes, shook his head, and then crossed his arms over his chest. “Wow me, Mr. Kinney.” He demanded and Brian sighed and stepped even closer to him and then looked into Justin’s eyes with a fiery heat that had been lying in wait since he left three months earlier.

Immediately Justin took notice.

He raised a hand and placed it on the side of Justin’s neck, using a thumb to stroke his cheek. “You were there for me through the hardest year of my life. When I had nothing to offer you but an admittedly poor attitude, you stayed by my side happily and supported the both of us. That’s the kind of dedication no one else has ever given me before. And I want to give you what you’ve given me. I want to love you. I want to be there for you. I want to share a life with you – here. So, will you marry me?” He asked as he grabbed the box from the counter and held it in front of Justin.

“Yes.” Justin answered and went to take the ring again. Brian jerked it back.

“If I have to say it, so do you.” He reprimanded playfully and Justin rolled his eyes but reached up to take Brian’s free hand and hold it between both of his.

“Yes. I will marry you.” He spoke very clearly and confidently. Then a broad smile broke out over his face and Brian swooped in for a deep kiss.

“By the way…” Brian said slowly after he broke away. “I had testicular cancer.”

Justin immediately stiffened and jerked away to look at him in shock and fear. “What?!” He demanded in a shrill voice.

“Yeah, but its okay-.” Brian tried to placate him but Justin wouldn’t have it.

“Why didn’t you tell me? How long have you known? Are you okay? What the fuck, Brian?!” Justin began pacing in the kitchen until Brian reached out and grabbed his shoulders.

“I’m fine, Justin. I’m fine. I went through chemo while I was in Pittsburgh and I’m in complete remission – there aren’t any more signs of cancer.” He assured but could still see the fear and concern in Justin’s eyes. “I promise. The only reason I didn’t tell you earlier was because…well things were hard and I didn’t want to make them worse. I worried that if I told you you’d go back to working three shifts a day and I  _couldn’t_ watch that happen again.” He explained and slowly Justin’s fear began melting away to sadness.

“But Brian…If something was wrong I-.” Brian interrupted him this time.

“I know you would have helped. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” He said and then pressed a soft kiss to Justin’s forehead. “I’m not sorry. And I’m fine now. Okay? I’m fine. I’m fine.” He repeated as Justin reached up and wrapped his arms around his neck and held him close. He could feel a slight quiver in the smaller body and tightened his hold.

When Justin collected himself again, he took a step back but kept his arms wrapped around Brian’s neck. “Well things won't be boring with you, will they?” Justin teased lightly and Brian smirked a bit.

“I’m many things; you should know boring isn’t one of them.” He winked and then took Justin’s hand from around his neck to put the ring on it. “I got one for me too.” He admitted as he reached into his other pocket. Justin took it and slid it onto Brian’s hand as well, a tender smile on his face.

“You really want to do this?” Justin asked him before letting go of his hand.

“I do.” Brian answered purposefully. Justin’s eyes shot up to his and then he smiled.

“I like the sound of that.” He said softly before pressing another kiss against Brian’s lips.

“And what about you, huh? You really want to do this? It’s been a few months…I wouldn’t blame you for having reservations.” Brian said using one hand to touch his ring, getting used to the feel of it on his finger.

Justin scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Oh please. I’ve been waiting. I knew you’d come back. I’ve always known that this was where we’d end up.” Justin tapped Brian’s ring and smiled sincerely.

“Yeah you have.” Brian agreed and then looped an arm around Justin’s waist and tugged him close so their bodies were pressed next to each other. “Now, Sunshine, I think we have some celebrating to do.”

“Right here?” Justin asked hesitantly as he glanced around the kitchen.

“This is your house now. We need to christen every room in here.” Brian said and used his arm hooked around Justin to pick him up and put him on the counter top of the island.

“Nope. Our house.” Justin corrected and Brian smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. Ours.”

"Just one thing..."  Justin said slowly before Brian could begin divulging him of his clothes.

"What?"  He asked, his hands fidgeting, wanting to get a touch of the smooth skin he knew was hiding.

"What are we going to call it?"


End file.
